“Hire a Security Guard”

Not the kind of viral video BofA really needs.

Prelude To The Coming Zombie Apocalypse

Via Ace, here’s another reason to burn down the rain forest

Scientists have identified four new species of brain-controlling fungi that turn ants into zombies that do the parasite’s bidding before it kills them.

Identified from samples collected at two sites in Brazil’s tropical rain forest, each of the four species specializes in controlling a different species of carpenter ant.

…Once it infects an ant, the fungus uses as-yet-unidentified chemicals to control the ant’s behavior, Hughes told LiveScience. It directs the ant to leave its colony (a very un-ant-like thing to do), vote Democratic in every election it can and bite down on the underside of a leaf — the ant’s soon-to-be resting place. Once it is killed by the fungus, the ant remains anchored in place, thanks to its death grip on the leaf.

Ultimately, the fungus produces a long stalk that protrudes from the ant’s head (much like Nancy Pelosi’s hairstyle), shooting spores out in the hopes of infecting other ants. Two of the four newly discovered species also sprouted smaller stalks elsewhere, including from the victim’s feet and lower leg joints – the equivalent of knees.

Save the world: Destroy the Rain Forests.

Do it for the children.

HO-LEE-SHIT

And the first drilling permit Ken Salazar FINALLY PULLS OUT HIS ASS GOES TO?

BP

UPDATE 2-BP owns part of Noble well that got first permit

HOUSTON, March 1 (Reuters) – BP Plc, (BP.L) (BP.N) whose
Macondo well blowout in the Gulf of Mexico caused the worst
offshore oil spill in U.S. history last year, co-owns the well
that was granted the first deepwater drilling permit since the
disaster.

I don’t know what else to say.

I’m gobschmacked.

Breaking News: Little Local TV Station Goes Boldly Where Networks DARE NOT TREAD

Declares “ETHANOL SUCKS FOR ENGINES and the new EPA regs will MAKE IT WORSE“. (Oh, yes they did!)
Watch the report. It’s a good one.

When you pump gas into your car… it probably never crosses your mind that you could be damaging your engine.

But mechanics say the 10 % of ethanol that’s added to our gas can cause big problems.

Now the federal government has approved increasing that level to 15 % for vehicles made after 2001.

That could result in a lot more car repairs. This is what the inside of a steel fuel line looks like after just a few years of gasoline with 10 % ethanol running through it.

Now the federal government says 15 percent ethanol is ok.
But mechanics here say it will cause more engine trouble.

…Since ethanol is made from corn food experts warn that increased corn production to make more ethanol will also result in higher food prices.
Ethanol Bad for Engines

Happy Birthday To Us

The Swilling is 6 years old today. Wow.

A big sloppy kiss to all of you who have made it such fun for us.

Thanks.

ths adds: A festive birthday picture with MUCH love to ALL of youse!

A Day That Will Live In Infamy

Never forget.

And never let it happen again.

RIP, dear souls. May we be worthy of your sacrifices.

Just So You All Are Aware of Where the Current Administration Stands

…as far as purchasing an airline ticket with intent to use, ergo “flying”, is concerned.

At the very start of this evening’s broadcast of World News Tonight, it was quickly explained that:

FLYING IS A PRIVILEGE, NOT A RIGHT

Got that?

So fuck off.

Don’t Tell Michelle

Remember, folks, the Science is Clear and there is Consensus (overwhelming, even).

And, er, there’s also that pesky empirical evidence

(CNN) — Twinkies. Nutty bars. Powdered donuts.

For 10 weeks, Mark Haub, a professor of human nutrition at Kansas State University, ate one of these sugary cakelets every three hours, instead of meals. To add variety in his steady stream of Hostess and Little Debbie snacks, Haub munched on Doritos chips, sugary cereals and Oreos, too.

His premise: That in weight loss, pure calorie counting is what matters most — not the nutritional value of the food.

The premise held up: On his “convenience store diet,” he shed 27 pounds in two months.

“B-b-b-but” you cry “those ’empty’ calories are nasty and bad for him!”

Sure, if by “nasty and bad” you mean “better than Lipitor”

Haub’s “bad” cholesterol, or LDL, dropped 20 percent and his “good” cholesterol, or HDL, increased by 20 percent. He reduced the level of triglycerides, which are a form of fat, by 39 percent.

Let’s see, he limited himself to about 1,600 calories per day.

A 5oz glass of red wine has around 100 calories (an admittedly small pour, but one must occasionally make sacrifices for the Betterment of Man).

Soooooooo, I should be able to get by on 16 glasses of wine a day.

In markedly improved health.

God, I love Science.

Vote Vote Vote

For God’s Your sake, people.

VOTE!

Well, Let’s Just Watch the President of the New Jersey Teachers’ Union’s Head Spin

…like a scene out of the Exorcist!
Oh, happy, Happy Halloween!!

Christie Reportedly Offers N.J. Education Job to Ex-D.C. Schools Chief Rhee

TRENTON, N.J. — Gov. Chris Christie has reportedly offered the former District of Columbia’s schools chancellor the job of New Jersey education commissioner.

Two people familiar with the negotiations told The Star-Ledger of Newark Michelle Rhee is seriously considering the offer.

Jeez. I’d pay money to see that.

Oh. All of a Sudden

…it’s safe.

Obama Administration: Drilling Moratorium Lifted

UPDATE: Oh, wow. Stick to your guns, girlfriend. How delicious.

…“I am not going to release my hold on Jack Lew,” Landrieu [Sen Mary, D-LA] said in a statement. “Instead I will take this time to look closely at how [the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management] is handling the issuing of permits and whether or not drilling activity in both shallow and deep water is resuming.”

Landrieu said she will use the remaining month before Congress convenes on November 15 for the lame-duck session to “evaluate if today’s lifting of the moratorium is actually putting people back to work.”

Speaking of “FREE SPEECH” ~ I Heard There Are Still

…some good seats available…

Tri-C students recruited to fill the seats for Obama’s appearance

They were dragging them out of the basement coffeeshop, for God’s sake.
Hope they let her finish her Danish.

You May Ask Yourself, Well, How Did I Get Here?

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down?

When all along you had some whacky, hi-falutin’, idealistic idea that your Navy uniform made everyone in it…BLUE.
Kinda hurts to find out how wrong you were.

The Navy wants to judge sailors by the color of their skin, not the content of their seamanship.

The latest national security leak is a shocking e-mail from a Navy admiral on “Diversity Accountability.” The message, sent to a list of other flag officers, notes that “a change in focus of this year’s diversity brief is the desire to identify our key performers (by name) and provide insight on each of them.” Chief of Naval Operations Adm. Gary Roughead, who apparently originated this order, “is interested in who are the diverse officers with high potential and what is the plan for their career progression. He may ask what is being done within to ensure they are considered for key follow on billets within the Navy.”

The message specifies, “This list must be held very closely but will provide ready reference to ensure we are carefully monitoring and supporting the careers of the best and the brightest the Navy has to offer.” That is, the best and the brightest provided a sailor is one of the euphemistically “diverse.” If you are a white male, it might be time to set sail and seek opportunities elsewhere.

In practice, the Navy will be creating a list of privileged “diverse” officers who will enjoy special benefits and career mentoring not available to people of the wrong race, as well as a virtual guarantee of fast-track access to the highest reaches of command. Fifty-six years after the Supreme Court struck down the concept of “separate but equal” treatment of races, the U.S. Navy is erecting a wall of segregation between what will amount to two parallel promotion systems: one for the “diverse” and another for the monotone. If this isn’t illegal, it should be.

…In the contemporary naval bureaucracy, this type of politically correct nonsense has run out of control like a loose cannon on deck. The Naval Academy lists racial diversity as the “highest personnel priority,” apparently even over the mission of educating future Navy leaders for warfare on the high seas.

There isn’t a hue specification to “best and brightest” (or am I missing something), but they are sure as hell are intensity measurements and isn’t THAT what we want instead?

And if I were a minority officer, wouldn’t I be FURIOUS that I’d worked my ass off to legitimately get where I was and now, all of a sudden, find myself slathered with the “short bus” brush thanks to this group of master manipulators? How helpful both in relations with my peers and in respect to subordinates.

AND, if you were a Marine Corps, Army or Air Force officer reading this, wouldn’t you be the teensiest bit…well…curious what’s going on in the esoteric levels swirling overhead?

Despicable.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

Things are suckin’ bad. His wife’s on a ritzy European jaunt without him to Antonio Banderas land, his healthcare heinie just got spanked in ol’ Mizzou, polls are down, anger’s up and there should be someone around on your birthday to tell you you’re STILL a BFD, right?

Well, here we are, in the spirit of bipartisan camaraderie.
This blonde (me) is sending a card along with another blonde…
(No, not that blonde)
From THIS blonde! (No sh*t!)
And, now?!?!??!
YOU CAN, TOO!!!!
Personalize a birthday card for President Obama with your choice of four SPECTACULAR birthday wishes to CREATE a MESSAGE for His BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!
(HOLY CRAP?!?!? Really? YES, you can!) Choose from:

·Do Your Job Secure the Border
·We Can’t Afford Your Health Care Policy
·Visit Arizona, See for Yourself
·We Can’t Afford More Bailouts

DO it. You’ll be a better person for it.

Al Gore’s Massage Parlor Got Me Thinking About Revolting Stimuli Situations

…and, like we had a Vulcan Mind Meld or something, Senators Coburn and McCain release a report full of revolting Stimulus things like sex crazed poodles.
No. Not those. (You’ll have to wait for it.)

Two Republican senators have conducted an exhaustive survey of the Obama administration’s $787 billion economic stimulus spending and found that some of the spending didn’t create jobs — it actually led to job losses.

…The findings come despite a hearty endorsement of the federal stimulus just a few days ago in another report, this one by the economists Alan Blinder and Mark Zandi…

…Not surprisingly, the Obama administration prefers Blinder and Zandi’s take to that of Coburn and McCain.

…As for those COCAINE-SNORTING MONKEYS? [ths: BINGO!!!] The Coburn-McCain report found that the Department of Health and Human Services has sent $71,623 to researchers at Wake Forest University to see how monkeys react under the influence of cocaine.

–Coming soon to a federally funded university research center near you…
IF YOU”RE REAAAALLLLY LUCKY! (and live in a state with a Democratic governor).©TPI

Here are some other projects that the GOP senators called into question:

•The U.S. Forest Service is spending more than $554,000 to replace windows at a visitors center for Mt. St. Helens that has been closed.
•The University of North Carolina at Charlotte received more than $750,000 to help develop a computerized choreography program that its creators believe could lead to a YouTube-like “Dance Tube” online application.
•The Port Authority of Allegheny County, PA, will spend $62 million extend the city’s light rail under the Allegheny River to the new Rivers Casino, as well as to its two professional sports arenas, PNC Park (home of the Pirates) and Heinz Field (home of the Steelers).
•The town of Boynton, Oklahoma was awarded nearly $90,000 to replace a quarter-mile stretch of sidewalk that was replaced only five years ago.
•The Mohegan Tribe of Indians of Connecticut will get $54 million in rural development loans from the United States Department of Agriculture for a tribal government building that will also hold a practice facility for the WNBA’s Connecticut Sun women’s professional basketball team.
•Researchers at Wake Forest University have received nearly $300,000 to study whether Integral Yoga “can be an effective method to reduce the frequency and/or severity of hot flashes” in menopausal women.

[The BIG FINALE and ths’ personal favorite:]

•The National Science Foundation shelled out nearly $60,000 in stimulus dollars to study people’s perceptions of federal stimulus spending.

That pretty much sums up how we feel about stimulus spending.

(Unless, of course, there’s some of that monkey blow left…)

Your Positive News Line Of The Day

We’ve got our best men on it, folks

NEW ORLEANS – Oil from BP’s blown out well is again seeping into the Gulf of Mexico, but this time, more slowly and scientists aren’t convinced the cap that stopped the flow last week is making things worse.

Gosh, that’s reassuring.

I guess.

Ever since the cap was used to bottle up the oil last week, engineers have been watching underwater cameras and monitoring pressure and seismic readings to see whether the well would hold or spring a new leak, perhaps one that could rupture the sea floor and make the disaster even worse.

Worse? How could it possibly get worse?

BP and the government are still trying to understand why pressure readings from the well are lower than expected. Allen offered two possible explanations: The reservoir the oil is gushing from is dwindling, or there is an undiscovered leak somewhere down in the well.

There’s that “lower than expected” line again.

We seem to be hearing that a lot these days.

THIS Should Freeze the Very Blood in Your Veins

The federal government would have “absolute power” to shut down the Internet under the terms of a new US Senate bill being pushed by Joe Lieberman, legislation which would hand President Obama a figurative “kill switch” to seize control of the world wide web in response to a Homeland Security directive.

Article here.

Lieberman’s 197-page bill Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset Act, or PCNAA PDF here.

OMG. VOTE, people.

It’s our only hope.

So If Captain Kick-Ass…

~ Yes, Mr. President. Even after 400 people scour the beach to keep your puddies clean, tarballs slip through. Sticky little bastards. Makes even the most mild mannered guy wanna KICK SOME ASS…

Ahem…

…the PRESIDENT…

…should saunter into our little Pensacola shop tomorrow (or Monday or Tuesday) for, say, underwear, socks, replacement slacks/khakis/jeans/spandex or some other kick-assly accoutrement after getting what he had on soaked with oil strolling our once pristine beaches…anybody got anything for him they want me to pass on?

You know.

For the nano-second before the mask slips and the ths comes out?

A Public Service Announcement ~ If You Be Likin’ d’ Snappah or d’ Groupah?

Best be buyin’ it NOW, ’cause ‘tween the greasey gooey, oily mess on MY side of Florida and what they just voted to do on the Atlantic side? That price is going through the roof, if you’re lucky enough to even find it.

Council votes to close snapper and grouper fishing off Florida
Massive closure could take effect in December

…The ban area covers 4,827 square miles, from just north of the Florida-Georgia border to southern Brevard County, in waters from 98 feet to 240 feet deep.

Our local guys tell us that there’s more snapper and grouper than you can shake a stick at already, and these bans had really crippled our charter industry long before BP started belching crude. But now, if you take the Atlantic out of it, too? Gad zookerdoodles ~ it’s going to be devastating economically and boy, oh boy ~ nobody can handle that right now.

Oh, WTF, people! Let’s all switch to those little poo-eating tilapia, why don’t we?

Considering what the administration’s been serving up on a regular basis, it’s getting hard to differentiate.

OPERATION CLEAN SWEEP

Tomorrow.

I’d like to encourage EVERYone and ANYone who’s one of our local lurkers to try to make it out to one of our beauteous beaches and join the pre-spill cleanup:

An “Operation Clean Sweep” will be held on the beaches to clean them of any debris before the oil spill reaches the shores to prevent additional contamination. This is a preventative measure that everyone can participate in. On Pensacola Beach, the cleanup will be at noon Sunday. Meet at the Gulfside Pavilion at Casino Beach. On Perdido Key Beach, the cleanup will also be at noon Sunday. Meet at the Perdido Key Chamber. Anyone may participate in this pre-cleanup event; please bring your own garbage bags and gloves.

major dad and I’ll see ya there.

Start Stockpiling Those Depends

So much easier to force folks to “opt out” rather than the freedom to choose to join, isn’t it? Then think how much cash you can accrue if folks are clueless!

While Congress spent the last year debating how to provide health insurance for the uninsured, a little-known provision slipped into the heath care law that could cost some Americans upwards of $2,000 a year.

The Class Act, otherwise known as the Community Living Assistance Services and Support Act, is the federal government’s first long-term care insurance program.

Under-reported and the under the radar of most lawmakers, the program will allow workers to have an average of roughly $150 or $240 a month, based on age and salary, automatically deducted from their paycheck to save for long-term care.

…”This is a scary proposition where the government passed a huge new entitlement program with gimmicks and tricks and the American people don’t know they will be automatically enrolled in it by their employer if they don’t watch out,” said Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA).

)…- After a five-year vesting period, enrollees who need help bathing, eating or dressing will be eligible to take out benefits, estimated to be around $75 a day for in-home care.

Video here.

I mean really. Who’s the asshat who came up with this gem? Crusader was kind enough to force me to drink heavily ruin my Saturday evening with the news. “Who even KNEW this was in the bill?!?!” he exclaimed. I pointed out that it’s happened exactly as Madame Speaker said: it passed, you found out. Duh.

“I stand corrected”, he said.

Not Even Close to Getting the Message

The Senate just rejected an amendment to the debt-limit bill, offered by Sen. John Thune, that would have sewn up the TARP fund and committed all TARP repayments to deficit reduction. Democrats such as Sen. Chris Dodd argued against the Thune amendment on the grounds that they want to use the money to fund new stimulus programs, such as the “Son of Stimulus” bill the House passed late last year. The administration has also voiced desires to funnel TARP money to small businesses through the Small Business Administration, an agency with a Fannie-and-Freddie-like blindness to risk and fraud.

If we’re smart and can survive ’til November, they’re handing the country back to us.

Happy Freakin’ New Year

I mean it.

Obama and the Crotch Bomber

Save yourself some money, big guy. I’ve got the answer to your security concerns at any given airport (Well, besides the obvious “When somebody’s daddy turns him in and THEN he pays cash, has no luggage or passport for an international flight: you PAY F*CKING ATTENTION!!!!” It might not be the “No-Fly List” but it sure as HELL should be the “CRAWL UP HIS ASS” list then.) and it’ll save a buttload of cash-ola, not to mention NOT piss Granny off because she’s naked on camera for Jethro running the scanner.

PIRATES LABRADORS

I can GUARANTEE labradorks will thoroughly sniff every single individual in line ~ as well as at least three-quarters…wait: make that 85% of the crotches ~ and their services (even with complimentary schnot schnoodle removing dry-cleanings thrown in) will cost you considerably less than anything these J-No/TSA pinheads can pull out their asses in any time at all.

Project Valour

Let’s step up to the plate, folks, for the greatest group of people on God’s Green Earth: Our soldiers.

If you are able, please give generously.