Category: Fun

The Local Fish Wrap Has a Name on This Morning’s Police Blotter We Did Not Expect

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Arrested for burglary. Address unknown.

We’re doomed.

Obama’s Ebola Czar At Work

(via Legal Insurrection)

Filed Under: Why I Haven’t Had Time to Help Bingley With Much Posting

What you don’t do for your kids:

We’ve been babysitting Ebola’s two schweet pups since mid-February. They WERE supposed to go to Guam with him first of May…but…they didn’t, thanks to our miserable casa de major dad luck and general government inefficiency. It hasn’t been a picnic. We TRIED the Caesar Milan, holistic, peace love and happiness route, and NONE of it worked.

Since his eldest and our eldest HATE each other, we have spent these past 8+ months (after two dog fights that cost $1300+ to stitch up the participants) living in shifts, with a 4 ft cage in our bedroom and one in the livingroom. Our day starts about 5:30 a.m., with me on the couch after letting our guys out. Get up about 7:30, feed our guys, get them OUTSIDE. While they’re OUTSIDE, I let HIS guys out of the cage in our bedroom and into the cage in the LR. Then OUR guys can come IN and go straight into being locked in our bedroom (and DON’T they appreciate that) for the next 1 1/2 hours while the granddogs eat, stretch their legs and do dog things. Then THEY get locked up again, and our guys, frantic by now, get let out. It’s lather, rinse, repeat all day. We can’t go out at night, because everybody has to eat and stretch their legs, too. So IF we went out for an adult time, we’d still have to stay up another hour at least when we got home, to let the grandkids out. Not fair to them otherwise.

Our two month granddog babysitting has stretched to the start of its 9th month. “HOW could that BE?” any sane person would ask. Welp, here’s a rundown of just our day YESTERDAY, TRYING to get puppies to their Daddy.

Ebola had called last Thursday to ask if we could get the dogs to him prior to the 25th, since the base pet lodge (where they do their quarantine) was closing for renovations. Being a holiday weekend, we can’t call OUR base vet ’til yesterday and they work miracles to get us in. Just before I leave work to help major dad wrangle doggies, I’m looking at Accuweather for P-cola and notice “Possible Direct Hurricane Strike for Hawaii This Weekend!” Just our luck. The dogs have to go through ~ and spend the night in ~ Honolulu. I shake it off and we get everyone to our precious base vets. Done. Every puppy certificate you’d need, we had in our hot little hands, along with an email that the admin girl had JUST found about that SAME pet lodge closing…on the 20th. W.T.F. (It did, however, also contain an alternate civilian kennel for arriving pets.) We hustle home in a state of semi-agitation, since I still had to fax ALL the paperwork to Guam Agri Dept AND the lodge, as it takes THEM up to 3 days from receiving it to send back an entry visa and the well dog is ONLY GOOD FOR TEN DAYS. (See where we’re going with times crunches here?) I’m looking for the fax number and BOOM. You have to fax well dog certs…AND the flight and kennel reservation info AT THE SAME TIME. Whichy I no have, because we don’t know squat about kennels until we can talk to Ebola…who is 9 hours behind the day ahead, time-wise. So asleep, after working swing shifts.

Being marginally efficient, I start making just-in-case plans for the drive to New Orleans Airport (United out of there has the most direct flight plan) with the dogs and their crates, which will require a minivan rental. Lock that sucker on for start of next week. Start double checking all the doggie info on United’s site, which is REALLY informative. Now, Achilles is a pretty little guy ~ only 68 pounds and small framed ~ but his ears sit up a country mile, so I want to make sure I have the regulations clear. We’ve got a hand-me-down crate in the garage that, while humongous, seems to be the only thing that’ll work for him, because his ears sit 33 in off the floor and this crate is 35 in. high. It’s like he’s going in the Presidential Suite. And then BOOM. That crate is known as a “700” and what ~ according to the chart ~ is the ONLY airplane United has that CAN’T carry a 700? A 737. I frantically zip over to the flight info for the NOLA departure. OF COURSE ~ it’s a 737 from NOLA to Houston. I call United’s PetSafe just to be sure. Awesome.

WhenEVER the dogs DO get to leave, we get to DRIVE them TO HOUSTON to catch the jet plane. Now we’re talking TWO DAYS, since it’s 525+ miles one way.

I think Ebola’s about coming out of his post-work coma and send him a FB message to call us. He does and that’s AFTER reading the copy of the pet lodge email, calling THEM, unloading with “WHY couldn’t you MENTION THAT TO ME when I talked to you two days ago?!?!” and hearing, “Oh, I’m so sorry. It’s just not going to take as long as we thought, so we just went ahead sooner…” We do a cursory search for the civilian kennel they’re shunting you over to, as Brat’s never heard of them. Of COURSE they require a bordatella vaccine of 6 months or less and OUR dogs ~ who were at the vets that very day ~ have a 7 month-old one. Just. Shoot. Me. Not to mention that their fees are significantly more and, as a civilian facility, they don’t have the liability for stuff that might happen to your precious pups, which is a legitimate concern, considering that dogs go missing in Guam on a regular basis and NOT because they slipped a leash or got out through the fence on their own, if you get my drift.

What a crap sandwich.

So, we wait. Can’t take them for the additional shot (w/ base vets closed Fri and Mon) until we know more about THAT kennel, if we even want to chance it, or if they’re not booked anyway. Will there be space on the plane once we have a date? Will minivan rental rates soar in the interim? Will Hawaii be cleaned up in time for their airport schedule to be back to normal? AND. Have to have enough time left on our 10 days certificate to wait the 3 WORKING days to get an answer back from Guam.

Or blow the whole thing off and do the drill around 10 November when base opens.

That’s a taste of what it means to be uno amigo de casa de major dad. If it’s not a disaster, you can’t POSSIBLY be talking about us.

Spam Of The Day

My relatives always say that I am killing my time here at net,
but I know I am getting experience daily by reading such fastidious articles or reviews.

YES!!! Now I Can Work On Building My Collection…

I’m off to offer a low-ball bid

(Reuters) – A federal judge in California announced a $30 million settlement on Friday between the United States and a vice president of Equatorial Guinea that requires him to forfeit his U.S. assets, including a collection of six life-sized statues of late singer Michael Jackson.

Teodoro Nguema Obiang, the Central African country’s second vice president, used his position of power to amass more than $300 million in the United States through corruption and money laundering, U.S. prosecutors said in court documents.

Obiang must also sell his mansion in Malibu, California, and his Ferrari, which the Justice Department said were bought with money looted from the impoverished country.

The United States was blocked from forcing Obiang to forfeit his assets in Equatorial Guinea, including a Gulfstream jet and Jackson’s famous white, crystal glove.

Angry Birds

It’s not nice to piss off Mother Nature

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. – A hawk swooping in and attacking a drone while it was flying over a park in Massachusetts Wednesday was captured on video.

Let’s hope this happens more often.

Quote Of The Day

An interview with Archie Manning

Way back when, Archie Manning never had a chance to learn the cerebral part of football while quarterbacking the sad-sack New Orleans Saints; he was too busy running for his life. “I’m paying for it now, too,” he said.

He’s 65 and coming off knee replacement and back fusion surgeries. Archie doesn’t even like to hold a football anymore, he said, “because every time I had a football in my hands some, I got hit.

Heh.

Undercover Videos of (Any) Joe Biden Speech the Last Two Weeks Revealed*!

*Funny line shamelessly stolen from Ebola on FB

Today’s Posts Are Brought To You By…

Vasily Alekseyev.

Because when you absolutely, positively have to lift 500 lbs over your head…

…there’s never been anyone better.

Your Sunday Edition

…of poetry in motion. ;)

I Am A Bad Person

It’s true, it really is.

Further proof (not that you need it) can be found in that my first reaction to reading this was to laugh: In April there was a “Food Safety Summit” in Baltimore that hundreds attended.

And over 200 of them got sick from the chicken they were served for lunch

The pan-seared breast of Chicken Marsala served by the Baltimore Convention Center’s exclusive caterer was the food item most commonly consumed by the 216 attendees sickened by the lunch served last April 9 at the Food Safety Summit’s annual conference. It was likely contaminated with Clostridium perfringens (C. perfringens), a spore-forming gram-positive bacterium commonly found on raw meat and poultry.

Wayback Wednesday

Seen on a street in Rochester, MN, this past July

wien

An Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile.

Oh Rats

via Maggie’s Farm I guess I’ll never be Top 10% in anything

Do you drink a glass of wine with dinner every night? That puts you in the top 30 percent of American adults in terms of per-capita alcohol consumption. If you drink two glasses, that would put you in the top 20 percent.

But in order to break into the top 10 percent of American drinkers, you would need to drink more than two bottles of wine with every dinner. And you’d still be below-average among those top 10 percenters.

The top 10 percent of American drinkers – 24 million adults over age 18 – consume, on average, 74 alcoholic drinks per week. That works out to a little more than four-and-a-half 750 ml bottles of Jack Daniels, 18 bottles of wine, or three 24-can cases of beer. In one week.

Or, if you prefer, 10 drinks per day.

Mind you, I could give that a shot on any given day.

But not per day.

Spam Of The Day

The blueberry and ginger flavor in these creamy desserts are a better mix than the sisterly duo in Woody Allen’s dramedy about a crumbling socialite. But the extravagant Jasmine and the blue collar Ginger do have their sweet sides, to be sure. Dish out these mini parfaits as Cate Blanchett and Sallie Hawkins each vie for gold statuettes on Oscar night.??MPE Realisations Limited formerly Land and Marine Project Engineering Limited

At least I think this was spam…

Stop The Presses! For The First (And Presumably Last) Time EVUH…

…I tip my cap to PETA

BHOPAL: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals’ (Peta) first shot at religious activism — a call to Muslims to observe a vegetarian Eid this October — has misfired. It met with violent protests here on Monday.
One policeman was injured and a Peta volunteer roughed up by protestors, which included women, and later whisked away by Bhopal police.

Peta woman volunteer “Benazir Suraiya” attempted to make an appeal to Muslims to go vegetarian at the legendary Taj-ul-Masajid, said to be one of Asia’s largest mosques.

Camouflaged in a green hijab, to highlight the importance of vegetarianism, she walked towards the mosque gates with a couple of PETA volunteers holding a placard in Urdu and English which read: “Make Eid Happy for All. Try Vegan”.

It went about as well as you might expect.

But I do give them Big Credibility Points for trying.

ISIS On Lurch

No love for Mr. Jenn-Jish Khan

To the extent that Kerry, the uncircumcised old geezer, suddenly became an Islamic jurist, issuing a verdict to the people that the Islamic State was distorting Islam, that what it was doing was against Islamic teachings, and that the Islamic State was an enemy of Islam.

I have to admit I chuckled at that.

If You’ve Got 20 Minutes

Peyton Manning At UVa is well worth watching

He is charming, humble, and funny.

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!!!

And could SOME pirates talk;)

For those interested in the REAl THING, I just finished a great pirate history book:

Under the Black Flag: The Romance and the Reality of Life Among the Pirates by David Cordingly

Frick

This Headline Is Awesome

On so many levels

“Lamb sex assault case legally ‘rare'”

And believe me, if you click and read the article it gets even weirder.

Looks To Me Like He Could Use

…a sturgeon.

Yeah I’m Lazy

But this never gets old

I just don’t have the energy to talk about how I feel about ISIS, Ebola, the Border…all the really great stuff going on right now.

WWBBD?

He’d be a hell of a lot more effective than who we’ve got now…

A Love Story

About…READING.

Steve Winwood And Tom Petty

Living right next to the PNC Arts Center is pretty awesome

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