Happy Opening Day!!!

Oh, happy, indeed.

(Although I am kinda PISSED about the whole Joe Morgan thing…)

Fernando Valenzuela (!?! Lost some weight!) is walking out on the field at Chavez Ravine, so back to the telly.

Batter up!

“Well, That’s What the M-Fers Are Paid For.”

“Is to get shot.”

The young black male quoted was referring to Escambia County Sheriff’s Deputies, as Sheriff Morgan tried to explain why they’d called for back-up during a stop that spun into a near riot.

For Those of You Who Twitter

…someone you might want to follow, while you still can is @BronxZoosCobra. For a snake, he’s pretty hilarious…

BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra
If you see a bag of peanuts inexplicably moving along the ground at Yankee Stadium today. Just ignore it. It’s probably nothing.

BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra
Got a bagel at H & H Bagels on upper west side. When I ordered I said, “I’ll have the snakes on a PLAIN.” He did not laugh. Tough crowd.

BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra
Good morning! I’m up and bright eyed and bushy…well, I’m tailed.

BronxZoosCobra Bronx Zoo’s Cobra
“Indiana Jones, why did it have to be Indiana Jones?”

UPDATE: OH NOES!!!!!!!

Bronx Zoo Cobra Found

Rest easy, New York, the escaped cobra is safe and sound. The Bronx Zoo’s Egyptian cobra that disappeared from its cage six days ago was found “coiled, sort of secluded in a dark corner” a couple hundred feet from its enclosure, says zoo director Jim Breheny. It was captured by a zoo employee using “special tongs.”

“Special tongs”, I’ll bet. Like, TWENTY FUCKING FEET LONG tongs and the guy was wearing a protective suit like he was fixing the Fukushima reactor.

Still, it’s a shame. I hope they let him keep his smart phone. Or he stashed one before he got nailed. You can’t keep genius like this down.

Figuratively speaking.
UPDATE: There’s a movement afoot, even if the movement’s object…has no feet.

@treehuggingsis tree hugging sister
I DEMAND the BronxZoo REOPEN all mobile communications & REVERSE electronic internet KILLSWITCH 4 reptile enclosure #FreeTheCobra

We just need Obama to stay the hell out of it. Otherwise, the snake is toast.

Spam Of The Day

Some gets not a jacob co made waiting of. The weight watches it lit not of a diets filled back, been after adjoining valley, and drove to turn a you’ll into. Nine bicycle, it was it, rideable in that replica picked braced he meeting to know up the british hovercraft by looking the window in todd. Army hung. Told up, watches john. Star never.

I could not have said it better myself.

This Is Not The Tiny Tim I Knew

Via Ace, here’s an awesome electric ukulele

(and a bonus tripping Harlequin)

At Least Ollie North Never Gave Money to a Bin Laden/Taliban Equivalent

Can’t say the same for this President.

Obama authorizes secret support for Libya rebels

President Barack Obama has signed a secret order authorizing covert U.S. government support for rebel forces seeking to oust Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, government officials told Reuters on Wednesday.

Obama signed the order, known as a presidential “finding”, within the last two or three weeks, according to four U.S. government sources familiar with the matter.

Remind me again ~ whose side is this asshole on?

With every passing day, PRET-TEE freakin’ clear it AIN’T ours.

His Parting Shot Was Better Than Hers

A sharp tongue offers surprisingly little defense from a 9mm bullet

With her final words before she was fatally shot, Elaine McCall needled her husband for missing with his first shot yesterday morning inside their Wakefield home, police said.

“ ‘You can’t even shoot,’ ” she said, according to her husband David McCall’s reported statements to police.

The 72-year-old husband was charged with murder after hitting his wife with the second shot from the top of the stairs, police said.

However, he then proceeded to concede her point

David McCall walked to the kitchen, called 911, and then tried to shoot himself, according to police, but he missed again, grazing his chest through his sweatshirt.

In addition to murder he may also face charges of filing a false police report

Middlesex District Attorney Gerard Leone told reporters that when McCall dialed 911 he told a dispatcher there had been a “murder-suicide.”

“Apparently, he didn’t make good on the suicide,” Leone said.

Are You Trying to Tell Me DEAD FISH

…STINK?

Rahm’s PhRMA deal in danger?

The FT suggests that the deal with drug companies which helped health care legislation pass, but which also gave the (accurate) impression that it had involved back-room deals with special interests, may be collapsing:

Senior Democrats on Capitol Hill, including Dick Durbin, the Illinois senator, are ignoring a carefully negotiated detente between the drug industry and the administration of Barack Obama, US president, by calling for the federal government to have more power to negotiate drug prices on behalf of beneficiaries of Medicare, the government-sponsored insurance programme for the elderly.

The proposal runs counter to an agreement that was reached behind closed doors between the White House and the drug industry…

Oh, go on!

Quote Of The Day

Via our bud Shamus

“My Labradoodle spends more time deciding where to lie down than Obama spent on Libya.”

Religion of Pieces Sharia’n Some More Love

You’d think at least little girls would be safe from these fuckwad misogynst bastards, but…nah.

Only 14, Bangladeshi girl charged with adultery was lashed to death

Shariatpur, Bangladesh (CNN) — Hena Akhter’s last words to her mother proclaimed her innocence. But it was too late to save the 14-year-old girl.

Her fellow villagers in Bangladesh’s Shariatpur district had already passed harsh judgment on her. Guilty, they said, of having an affair with a married man. The imam from the local mosque ordered the fatwa, or religious ruling, and the punishment: 101 lashes delivered swiftly, deliberately in public.

Hena dropped after 70.

For sure, she’d had sex with the married man.

He’d raped her.

Weird how it always works out for the perverted dickweed in Islam, isn’t it? Get yourself a fuzzy, revolting local cleric, whip that fucking book out to an appropriate inflammatory passage, then beat a little girl to death after you’ve already sexually abused her. All with a clear conscience. “Allah” told you it was “okey-dokey” and obviously her fault, the little tramp.

God, I hate these guys.

So Where Does It Stop?

So The One declares

“To brush aside America’s responsibility as a leader and — more profoundly — our responsibilities to our fellow human beings under such circumstances would have been a betrayal of who we are,” Obama said. “Some nations may be able to turn a blind eye to atrocities in other countries. The United States of America is different. And as president, I refused to ask for wait for the Constitutionally required Congressional authorization the images of slaughter and mass graves before taking action.”

What about “our responsibility to our fellow human beings” in the Ivory Coast?

DAKAR, Senegal — At least 700,000 people have fled their homes in Ivory Coast’s main city, Abidjan, to escape the increasing violence and collapsing economy stemming from the nation’s political crisis, the United Nations said Friday.

Daily gunfire spurred by Laurent Gbagbo’s efforts to stay in power after losing a presidential election in November has pushed thousands of residents out of neighborhoods surrounding the city’s central districts, while the closing of banks and businesses have led to widespread unemployment.

Oh wait, Europe doesn’t get any oil from the Ivory Coast.

My bad.

There is absolutely no reason for us to be involved in Libya.

None.

This Is What We Should Be Doing

Carrying water to the Japanese

instead of for the Europeans in Libya.

Down Memory Lane: The AP Almost Bush-like In Its

…pretty thorough debunking of claims.

Fact check of Obama’s speech

OBAMA: “Our most effective alliance, NATO, has taken command of the enforcement of the arms embargo and no-fly zone. … Going forward, the lead in enforcing the no-fly zone and protecting civilians on the ground will transition to our allies and partners, and I am fully confident that our coalition will keep the pressure on Gadhafi’s remaining forces. In that effort, the United States will play a supporting role.”

THE FACTS: As by far the pre-eminent player in NATO, and a nation historically reluctant to put its forces under operational foreign command, the United States will not be taking a back seat in the campaign even as its profile diminishes for public consumption.

Yee-OUCH! What a catty little ZING!

There’s more where that came from.

UPDATE: The Washington Post does something it’s NEVER done before:

On Libya, where you stand depends on where you sit

…Is the president’s action in Libya consistent with his 2007 statement?

The Facts
Boston Globe reporter Charles Savage (now with the New York Times) asked each presidential candidate a simple question:

“In what circumstances, if any, would the president have constitutional authority to bomb Iran without seeking a use-of-force authorization from Congress? (Specifically, what about the strategic bombing of suspected nuclear sites — a situation that does not involve stopping an IMMINENT threat?)”

This was Obama’s full response:

“The President does not have power under the Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat to the nation.

“As Commander-in-Chief, the president does have a duty to protect and defend the United States. In instances of self-defense, the president would be within his constitutional authority to act before advising Congress or seeking its consent. History has shown us time and again, however, that military action is most successful when it is authorized and supported by the legislative branch. It is always preferable to have the informed consent of Congress prior to any military action.

“As for the specific question about bombing suspected nuclear sites, I recently introduced S.J. Res. 23, which states in part that “any offensive military action taken by the United States against Iran must be explicitly authorized by Congress.” The recent NIE [National Intelligence Estimate] tells us that Iran in 2003 halted its effort to design a nuclear weapon. While this does not mean that Iran is no longer a threat to the United States or its allies, it does give us time to conduct aggressive and principled personal diplomacy aimed at preventing Iran from developing nuclear weapons.”

Obama’s answer is fascinating on several levels…[Complete dissection of Obama’s response]

The Pinocchio Test

This is a tough one to judge on the Pinocchio scale, because it does not involve an outright falsehood. (About our rating scale.) This is more of a flip-flop, since we cannot find much consistency between Obama’s 2007 statement and his current stance on the Libya intervention. So we will, for the first time, award an upside-down Pinocchio, signifying a change in a previously held position. On the Libya war, where you sit is where you stand.

If You Missed The Latest OneSpeech…

…Ace has a wrap-up

Obama To Retroactively Make the Case For War He Already Committed the Public to at 7:30 Eastern

…My Mistake: He’s not making the case for war; he’s just “updating” on us on what the Europeans have decided our military should do.

Ebola Sent This Specifically for the Air Force Weather Angle

…but if it doesn’t speak (in a completely bonofide and NSFW manner) to anybody who’s ever spent ONE DAY in the U.S. military, then you served somewhere else, I’m thinkin’.

Complete Devastation

My God. Worlds fail to describe what the poor people of Japan are going through.

So, Um, Why Did We Attack Then?

No matter what you may think of Sec. Gates you do have to give him credit for candor

On “This Week,” ABC News’ Senior White House Correspondent Jake Tapper asked Gates, “Do you think Libya posed an actual or imminent threat to the United States?”

“No, no,” Gates said in a joint appearance with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. “It was not — it was not a vital national interest to the United States, but it was an interest and it was an interest for all of the reasons Secretary Clinton talked about. The engagement of the Arabs, the engagement of the Europeans, the general humanitarian question that was at stake,” he said.

Ah, it was an engagement party.

Well, since Obama and Hill weren’t invited to throw one for William and Kate I guess they had some pent-up energy…

You Know The Education System Is A Mess…

When the anarchists are rioting against…government cuts

Over 200 people were arrested as extremists brought violent chaos to central London yesterday after hijacking the much-heralded trade union protest against public spending cuts.

A massive clear-up operation was underway today after trouble continued to flare late into the night as hundreds of people clashed with officers in Trafalgar Square.

Read It and Weep

Right after you pick your jaw up off the floor.

To the [NYT] Editor:

As a 22-year-old college graduate seeking employment in the seemingly nonexistent entry-level job market, I can’t help but notice the profound disrespect inherent in the expectation by some that young people like me should spend two to three years “gaining experience” (filing, copying and answering the phones) in unpaid or underpaid internships at either nonprofit or for-profit enterprises.

A slow economy is no justification for placing financial and emotional pressures on young people, many of whom cannot afford to spend several years with little or no compensation.

Emily A. May
Takoma Park, Md., March 21, 2011

The writer is a recent graduate of Middlebury College.

An “Emily”. Of COURSE she is. (By the way, tuition, room and board at Middlebury per year for Emily set somebody back a schweet $52,120+.) (Worth every dime, eh?)

Then again, if you feel full throated swearing at the vacuous nature of Emily’s letter is in order, by all means. Let fly.

Quite a Welcoming Committee Lining the Streets and Parking Lot

…when we got there. I’d had a bit of a heads up though ~ as we were leaving the house, my sweet boss called to tell me a couple hundred protestors had just marched by the shop on the way to the venue, so we should make sure we “Have a good time!”

Nimble-at-the-wheel major dad maneuvered through the bunch crowding both side and front of the driveway, I actually stayed non-combative, we got in and that was pretty much the last of it. (Paper said 300 and I’d say that or another 100, no more. But that’s a buttload for Pensacola.)

Governor Scott is a non-teleprompter, few notes, seat of his pants speaker, who is endearing (yes, that’s the word) in the extreme and we enjoyed his speech immensely. Afterward, major dad asked at everyone sitting at our table, “Was there anything you could argue about in that?” Not a thing. And nothing different from what the man said the entire campaign. (I’ll have some specifics, but have to go to work now…)
Some Quotes:

“If we do this right, the rest of the world will have to follow us.”
**********
“I can’t create a single job as governor. But I can create the kind of environment where businesses want to bring their jobs here.”
**********
“I told Chris Christie he was doing a great job there in New Jersey, but no matter WHAT he did, he’d never get out from under those taxes and he’d always wish he was in Florida.”
**********
“People in state government have to come to grips with spending on their special projects. At my first cabinet meeting, they wanted more funds for affordable housing. I said, “Affordable housing? The whole state’s on sale!””
**********
“I was at the White House and asked the President, “How you do it? How do we fix unemployment and encourage new business in the United States, when we have the biggest deficit and the worst corporate taxes in the world? How do you do it?”

He told me what employers care about is our education system.”

The Governor and major dad at a small reception before the main event.

Guess there wasn’t much stomach for sustained protest, because we left a smidge after 8 p.m. and there was one, lone, rumpled sign carrier forlornly scuffing his way home north along Palafox.

Getting Ready to Go Help Set Up for the Dinner major dad and I Are Attending Tonight

Suddenly looks to be..well attended.
At least outside. (Should we wear raincoats? Paging Althouse!)

Protesters awaiting Scott visit
Union groups oppose governor’s budget

When Gov. Rick Scott visits Pensacola today to speak at a sold-out Republican dinner event, he may meet some folks who aren’t so pleased to see him.

Sure glad the paper could help with our event planning…

Governor’s visit
Gov. Rick Scott will be in Pensacola today. At 4:30 p.m., he will attend a ribbon cutting for the Naval Federal Credit Union.

He will arrive at 6:30 p.m. for the Escambia County Republican Party’s Lincoln Day Dinner, where he is the featured speaker at 7 p.m. The event is at New World Landing, 600 S. Palafox St., downtown Pensacola.

Pensacola Fight Back Florida will rally today from 4:30 to 9 p.m. The group will meet at 4:30 p.m. at

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Plaza at Palafox and Garden streets in downtown Pensacola.

At 5 p.m., the group will march with signs to New World Landing in advance of Scott’s arrival.

Fight Back Florida
At least 13 local labor unions and political groups are members of Fight Back Florida and will participate in Friday’s rally.
• American Civil Liberties Union-Escambia

• UWF Chapter of College Democrats of America

• Escambia County Education Association

• International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers-Local Union 676

• International Association of Machinists-Local Lodge 2777

• UWF chapter of Progressive Student Alliance

• Santa Rosa Education Association

• Northwest Florida Central Labor Council

• Union of Escambia Education Staff Professionals

• Movement for Change

• Veterans for Peace, Northwest Florida, Chapter 135

• Escambia County Democratic Executive Committee

• Santa Rosa County Democrats

Scheisse!

Pants on the Ground

Teen arrested in sexual assault case: fox10tv.com

ESCAMBIA COUNTY, Florida (WALA) – A 16-year-old Tate High School student faces sexual battery and indecent exposure charges after an alleged incident in a classroom full of students.

A 14-year-old girl told investigators that on March 1, while in a reading class, the 16-year-old grabbed her by the neck and forced her to perform a sexual act on him.

FOX10 News has learned that the teacher was present in the room when the alleged incident occurred.

I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, that’s not good…” (I’M gonna cut the teacher a huss. The class was broken up into three groups, she was working with one and this group formed a barrier, with not ONE of the worthless little shits doing the right thing.) But it gets even worse.

…[Escambia County Sheriff’s Department Spokesman Deputy Chris] Welborn said the incident happened on March 1, but was not reported to the sheriff’s office until three days later. Ross is investigating if there was a delay.

Bad, huh? Worse than that, read just what it TOOK to get the crime REPORTED in those three days ~ NOT by the school, mind you, but by the persistent mother of a witness.

Monday, March 1

…2:24 p.m.: A boy who saw the alleged incident and is upset calls his mother from a bathroom at the school and asks her to pray for him. He abruptly hangs up when someone comes into the bathroom.
He calls his mother back and says he saw a sexual assault during his class. The boy hangs up again when he hears someone coming into the bathroom.

…3:38 p.m.: The mother calls Tate assistant principal Terri Colburn and tell her what happened but doesn’t have the names of students involved.
The mother calls her son to get names. She calls Colburn back and gives her seven students’ names, including her son’s, the victim, the suspect, two students who blocked the teacher’s view and two witnesses.
-That evening: Principal Rick Shackle notifies Carolyn Spooner, the district’s director of high school education.

Wednesday, March 2
10:40 a.m.: The mother calls Colburn to give her more details.
11:32 a.m.: Tate High Dean David Venettozzi calls the mother to let her know that the school will be closing the investigation soon.

2:45 a.m.: Venettozzi tells Deputy Bobby Small, a school resource officer, that the school is investigating a “sexual incident.” The dean does not provide any details.

And that’s the first an “officer” hears anything about anything, but is given no indication of either the nature nor seriousness of the attack and is not TOLD to act, so nothing’s done.

The mother takes matter into her own hands the NEXT evening and calls the Sheriff’s Office directly, who return her call promptly the FOLLOWING day (See how far out we are now?).

Sheriff Morgan, predictably, goes ballistic.

…The investigation follows complaints by Sheriff David Morgan that the Sheriff’s Office did not learn details of the Tate High School incident until three days after it occurred, when the mother of a boy who witnessed the incident alerted the captain who oversees school resource officers.

Further, when the sheriff’s sex crimes investigator arrived at the school, Dean David Venettozzi told her that administrators would not speak to her about the matter, Morgan said. Venettozzi also refused to provide information or written statements that the school had gathered in its own investigation, the sheriff said.

Under Florida law, school officials are required to report allegations of major crimes, including sexual battery and child abuse, to law enforcement. Misdemeanors, including simple assaults, minor vandalism and small thefts, can be handled by school officials.

“We would have expected to have been notified immediately either directly to the Sheriff’s Office or through our school resource officer with the specifics of this possible crime so we could make a reasoned determination how to approach it,” Morgan said. “And that is the law.”

Today, after a THOROUGH, IN HOUSE INVESTIGATION, the Escambia County School Board released their exhaustive findings and…nobody at the school did a damn thing wrong.

An internal probe by the Escambia County School District says school officials acted properly and timely when reporting an alleged March 1 sexual assault at Tate High School.

Matter of fact, everybody gets a medal.

…“The communication and cooperation between the (school resource officer) and Tate was superb after the discovery of the incident and identification of involved parties,” the report states.

[Escambia County Superintendent of Schools malcomb] Thomas said the report shows school officials acted appropriately.

“I am absolutely confident now there was no delay on the part of school officials,” Thomas said. “You could not have notified law enforcement any quicker than we notified them.”

Superintendent is an elected position.

I just thought I’d mention that. People who can hold their own “investigations” of themselves always forget stuff like that. The voters don’t, especially considering the lawsuit that’ll probably be bankrupting the district being in the papers and all right around election time.

You know, besides the fact that people just normally worry about their kids safety at school.

We’re in good hands around here.

Cairo Spring

Gosh, don’t you just love this New, Modern Society that President Hipster’s speech empowered

Women arrested by the Egyptian police during protests in Cairo’s Tahrir Square were subjected to forced ‘virginity tests’, according to Amnesty International.

Eighteen demonstrators were detained after army officers cleared the square on March 9 at the end of weeks of protest.

Amnesty today said that the women had been beaten, given electric shocks and then subjected to strip searches while being photographed by male soldiers.

They were then given ‘virginity checks’ and threatened with prostitution charges if medics ruled they had had sex, according to the charity.

Remind me again what the billions they get in foreign aid every year is for?

Let the Gaymes

…begin.

“RIP Elizabeth Taylor is in hell as sure as you’re reading this & getting mad as a wet hen. She should’ve obeyed God. Too late!”

The cheerful group from Westboro’s planning on making it to Liz’s funeral. It could turn out badly for them.

Bikers are nothing.

Why Would His Trip Planning…

…be any better organized than his War Planning?

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama had to try a couple of doors at the White House before finally gaining access to the Oval Office on Wednesday.

Returning from a five-day trip to Latin America, video shows the president strolling up to french doors at the White House and trying the handle on a locked door. He appeared to be whistling as he made his way down to another set of doors that were open.

White House staff was apparently not informed that the President was coming back to work before his arrival.