I’m Getting My Resume Together

There’s a job opening coming up in Rome

Pope Benedict XVI is to stand down as leader of the Catholic church, he announced today.

In a decision that has shocked even his closest aides, the 85-year-old Pontiff said his health was ‘no longer adequate to continue in office due to his advanced age’.

He announced his resignation in Latin during a meeting of Vatican cardinals this morning, emphasising that leading more than a billion Roman Catholics worldwide requires ‘both strength of mind and body.’

“Pope Bingley” has a nice ring to it.

Sure, I’m a Presbyterian but I think that that little detail will make my application stand out from the crowd. My Dear Brothers and Sisters in the Catholic Church are quite serious about their reaching out to other faith traditions; what better way to put their words into action than a Prot Pope…moi.

21 Responses to “I’m Getting My Resume Together”

  1. JeffS says:

    You just want access to the sacramental wine.

  2. Syd B. says:

    I heard he signed a 5 year – no trade contract with the Muslim Brotherhood.

  3. Yojimbo says:

    Where can we phone and what petitions can we sign?

    Guess the Platters “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” will have another wave of popularity.

    /Presbies for Bingley

  4. leelu says:


    I have nothing but respect for you, and think you could be a great Pope.

    However, I think that Catholic priesthood is a non-negotiable job requirement.

  5. Syd B. says:

    I have nothing but respect for you, and think you could be a great Pope.

    However, I think that Catholic priesthood is a non-negotiable job requirement.

    You also play for the wrong team.

  6. leelu says:

    Sid B

    Did you quote my comment, or did they somehow crash and transmogrify??

  7. Mr. Bingley says:


    I’m a shoo-in now!

  8. Syd B. says:

    The second one.

  9. aelfheld says:

    Mr. B, HRH makes mention of Tony Blair having ‘sent off for an application pack.’

    You have competition.

  10. Dr Alice says:

    Methinks if you can deliver your resignation speech in Latin, you’ve still got it. When the stress finally gets to me and I stalk out of my medical group once and for all, I will try to draft my resignation letter in Latin.
    Or maybe just pig Latin.

  11. Joel says:

    We could do worse. Better a Presbyterian than, say, Roger Mahoney. (Actually, better a brain-damaged marmot than Mahoney.)

  12. mojo says:

    You’re not gonna start nailing feces to church doors or anything, are ya?

  13. leelu says:

    “Theses”, Mojo, “theses”.

    No shit.

  14. gregor says:

    Ten bucks they elect Obama as the next Pope…

  15. JeffS says:


    Kinda like that blank comment of mine a few weeks ago, huh?

    This must be a holy place…

  16. Michael Lonie says:

    A knowledge of Latin is essential to anybody who would tske the job. Here is a useful Latin phrase for you Bingster, in view of your upcoming job application: Excrementum tauri. It’s the perfect thing to say in so many circumstances. Say that to the cardinals and you’ll be a shoo-in.

  17. Yojimbo says:

    You couldn’t even get away with that with the Arizona Cardinals Football team.

  18. Mr. Bingley says:

    Oh I know lots of Latin! I’ll just sprinkle my See Interview with things like “haec olam meminisse iuvabit” and “clamydia maxima”.

    Those fellows in Red will just love me.

  19. Mr. Bingley says:

    Doc, I always thought it was hilarious that in the late 80s/early 90s Francis Ford Coppola’s high-falutin’ wine “Rubicon” (which I have never splurged on, sadly enough) carried the following on it’s label:

    “Admonito Rei Publicae: (1) Secundum medicum publicum mulieres non debent bibere vinum per graviditatem quod periculum est suos liberos deficere. (2) Consumptio vini debilitat facultatem omnium agere vehiculum aut agere machinas, et potest efficere difficultates salutis. Instar omnium vinorum, secundum naturam hoc vinum ‘sulfites’ continent.”

    It was a thing of beauty.

  20. nightfly says:

    IIRC, the only iron-clad job requirement is to be a Catholic in good standing, who isn’t already married. You technically don’t have to be a priest at all when they pick you.

    That is a distinction without a difference, however, since upon accepting the position you have to be ordained and then elevated to bishop.

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