I Have Issued

a fatwa.

My Fatwa
I, tree hugging sister, demand an immediate end to Bingley BASTARD.
No good Muslim shall rest until Bingley embraces trees and life and is very much kinder to me. God will Bingley’s gin bottle exploding if my wishes are not done immediately.
BY ALL THAT IS GOAT LADEN, BIN LADEN AND UNHOLY!

UPDATE and BUMP: Michelle Malkin has linked to a rip roaring cartoon fatwa I just had to share.

‘Muslims avenge your prophet …. We deeply desire that the small state of Denmark, Norway and France … are struck hard and destroyed,’ declared Libyan Mohammed Hassan, who escaped from US custody at Bagram airbase in Afghanistan last July.
‘Destroy their buildings, make their ground shake and transform them into a sea of blood,’ said Hassan, dressed in military fatigues and a black turban, and holding an assault rifle.

Woof! That’s a mouthful! Back to the generator for me.

23 Responses to “I Have Issued”

  1. Cullen says:

    My Fatwa
    I, Cullen, demand an immediate end to Ken and his banjo, banjo players and banjos in general.. No good Muslim shall rest until All banjos shoved into the fourth point of contact of the aforementioned players.. God will The world will implode from the amount of musical suck generated from said banjos. if my wishes are not done immediately. DEATH TO THE STRINGED DRUM THINGY PLAYER PEOPLE!!

  2. (Oh, GOOD one Cullen! See? This fatwa thing really addresses a need.)

  3. Mr. Bingley says:

    I, Mr. Bingley, demand an immediate end to not enough wine in my cellar. No good Muslim shall rest until I own a vineyard. God will I will steal Tree Hugging Sister’s wine if my wishes are not done immediately. Whip me! Crush me! Make me wine!!

  4. John says:

    Well, THS, I get to watch big sister / little brother dynamic up close and personal, and I bet Bingley’s just giving you payback for all the crap you gave him when he was 2.

  5. CRAP when he was TWO?!! I’ll have you know, Mr. Smarty Pants Rocket Scientist, that Bingley was treated like he was Buddha reincarnated in Nepal. The only difference is THAT kid’s disappeared and Bingley hasn’t. Avec le fatwa!
    There was CRAP when he was two alright, but it wasn’t from moi.

  6. John says:

    Uh-huh. The parent in me does not totally believe that one. Oh, I’m sure he dished it out, but did he ever find his favorite toy floating in the toilet? I’m betting he did.

  7. Mr. Bingley says:

    If the truth be told, John, since she is SO MUCH OLDER than Crusader and me she was above such things.
    Mostly.

  8. John says:

    See, now you deserve to be smacked upside the head with a stuffed penguin for that crack. But I’m sure THS would stuff him with ball bearings.

  9. Emily says:

    I, Emily, demand an immediate end to cheap beer. No good Muslim shall rest until The death of cheap beer. God will destroy a Budweiser plant ever hour if my wishes are not done immediately. Guinness is LORD!

  10. Nightfly says:

    I, Nightfly, issue this fatwa in the name of Xenu, the terrible, the inexorable – that MI3 shall tank unbearably, and the One who Jumps Couches shall smirk no more! Xenu will, all good Thetans shall reclaim Teegeeack from the Smirking One and boycott all his works, yea, even those that co-star smoking-hot babes. Those who fail to obey shall be nuked in volcanos, Xenu willing!

  11. Kathy K says:

    “I, Emily, demand an immediate end to cheap beer. No good Muslim shall rest until The death of cheap beer. God will destroy a Budweiser plant every hour if my wishes are not done immediately. Guinness is LORD!”
    Umm – wouldn’t destroying a Budweiser plant every hour BE your wish?
    I, Kathy, demand an immediate end to cheap bear and, furthermore, demand a subsidy for Guinness so that those of us who are less than rich can afford it more than once every few months. Failure to obey will result in exploding (cheap) beer cans worldwide.

  12. Kathy K says:

    On second thought, that (cheap) was redundant. Good beer doesn’t come in cans…

  13. I, Prussian Tiger, demand an immediate end to Senators who are painful and difficult to listen to. No good Muslim shall rest until Ted give up the bottle and his senate seat . God will Hillary shall lose her voice if my wishes are not done immediately. Mankind will benefit either way. So I have written, so shall it be !

  14. Ah, PT ~ a fatwa that benefits all mankind. How unselfish of you!

  15. Mr. Bingley says:

    PT really is a shining example in these dark times.

  16. Cullen says:

    Physical therapy?

  17. Mike Rentner says:

    When issuing a fatwa, it is important to be very careful with language. For example, when one wishes to end the scourge of low quality beers, one should not describe them as “cheap.”
    Yeah, sure, I know what you meant, THS knows what you meant and most people know what you meant.
    But a fatwa carries the weight, and the burden I might add, of being a legal statement. Not only that, but it is a direct interpretation of divine will.
    Thus, one should never issue a fatwa declaring the end of “cheap” beer because now, damn it all to hell, we’re going to pay through the nose for beer from now on, and that doesn’t make me happy.

  18. Mr. Bingley says:

    No beer for fatwas!

  19. ha ha … My fatwa is working! Some muslim(?) elements have heeded my call.

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