In Xenu No One Should Hear You Scream

These people are just too damned weird:

TOM Cruise’s pregnant fiancée Katie Holmes will be reminded to keep her vow of silence during birth — by signs plastered around their home.
The couple — following the Scientology tradition of a silent birth — had the posters delivered to their Beverly Hills mansion.
The 6ft placards will be placed so Katie can see them in labour.
One reads: “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable.”

Wtf? During labor you have to play friggin’ charades? If that doesn’t sum up this cult nothing does. Wackoswackoswackos.

Followers believe it is traumatic for babies to hear their mother scream or groan when giving birth. They think it can cause “psychic” damage, which takes years of therapy to overcome.

I think that applies more to Scientology than childbirth, frankly. What a bunch of misogynistic bullshit.

The doctrine stresses newborns cannot be poked or prodded for medical tests or spoken to for seven days.

Sounds like child abuse to me. Somebody call DYFS.
Update: I couldn’t resist imagining delivery room charades in the comments at Sheila’s.

13 Responses to “In Xenu No One Should Hear You Scream”

  1. Crusader says:

    Just wait ’til all the loyal followers see this on their customized Google search. Sheesh…..

  2. Mr. Bingley says:

    Hehe, get that site-meter going!

  3. red says:

    Your title for this post, Mr. Bingley, is absolutely perfect.

  4. Emily says:

    That’s only the beginning of the abuse. If your child should, say, bump their head on the coffee table, Shitology says you are not supposed to comfort them, but instead, take their head and place it against the table so that the pain flows from their head back into the object from which it originated.
    No, I am not making that up.

  5. Mr. Bingley says:

    I’ll test that theory next time “Top Gun” is on.
    I’ll hold my ass up against the tv after it’s over…

  6. red says:

    hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  7. Emily says:

    How convenient that you’ll have Ken around to recommend a good proctologist afterwards.

  8. Mr. Bingley says:

    Thanks red; that’s one of the few movie references I can make.
    And it sums them up.

  9. Nightfly says:

    mwahhahahahaha!
    Then again, Tom may enjoy that, so be careful Bings.

  10. Susanna says:

    Oh.
    I thought I read that Elfman said an hour on the E-meter was like 10 years of therapy.
    So, like, can’t they let the mother scream a bit and have an epidural and then post-partum they can hook both mother & child up to the E-meter for an hour, thus negating the need for years of therapy?
    Or maybe the frickin E-meter is a bunch of crap?
    May-beeeeeeee… hmmmmm.
    Assholes. Whoever said it is right, call CPS. I mean, Child Protective Svcs is messed up, but not THIS messed up.

  11. Susanna says:

    Oh.
    I thought I read that Elfman said an hour on the E-meter was like 10 years of therapy.
    So, like, can’t they let the mother scream a bit and have an epidural and then post-partum they can hook both mother & child up to the E-meter for an hour, thus negating the need for years of therapy?
    Or maybe the frickin E-meter is a bunch of crap?
    May-beeeeeeee… hmmmmm.
    Assholes. Whoever said it is right, call CPS. I mean, Child Protective Svcs is messed up, but not THIS messed up.

  12. ScieXeNeoNatology – sounds more and more like a bad Skinner-box.

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