My South Park Portrait

Heh. Thanks to Baldilocks for the link.

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unHook the Line and SINK Her, Already!

Astounding myself yet again with my prescient talents, I have forseen disaster…

“ And where that historic eyesore is parked happens to be my downtown in Pensacola. They farted around getting her towed here and now it’s too late to get her out to sea before hurricanes start rolling in again. She’s not due to move out until November now. They swear it’s a hurricane-proof mooring and we’re all betting, come another big blow, that she’ll be six blocks up the street where all the other dock trash wound up after Ivan. On a lighter note, they do have former crew members standing next to those street lamps by the hulk every Saturday for lectures, if anyone’s in the neighborhood.“

…in comments posted on one of Bill’s world famous Name That Ship challenges.

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Benedict XVI

So it’s Ratzinger. Andrew Sullivan is obviously not thrilled. But I fail to see why the Church should change its values for him, or any of us. Look, if you disagree with Church Doctrine you can leave the Church. It’s really quite simple. Is there RCC doctrine I disagree with? Sure, tons. It’s a human institution, run by humans; it has its faults and failings like all of us do. In fact, by its very nature it is fallen, as we all are. I left a while ago (marrying a Prot helped). But I respect all the good that its done while acknowledging the bad. It’s easy to tear something down, and sometimes that task is made easier by the actions of the institution; the RCC is no exception. But what are you left with? A thousand, no, a million people each trying to be Pope, each trying to play God and have their ideas followed. Me me me me me me.
Nope. Real courage comes from looking inside and realising we all are sinners; real courage says “I am wrong. Forgive me, and replace my will with yours.”
*Update: Nightfly nails it:

Likewise, worrying about how he’s going to be seen by other religions is preposterous, a red herring. He’s supposed to be safeguarding our faith, not auditioning for other ones.

Well, I Guess We Know Why They Are Bankrupt

$1.86 round trip fares. Heh. Goofballs.
But I found this last paragraph odd:

For more on Afghan tourists, talking Jesus dolls and other offbeat stories, click here.

Not sure how that fits in with USAir…

Santa May Be Late This Year

Didn’t anyone tell them that they’re able to fly?

Speaking of Tolkien

Somebody asked me “Why don’t you write more on LOTR?” I dunno.
Look, I love Lord of the Rings; my beloved and much-dog-earred copy was given to me in 1975, fer goodness sake, and it’s falling apart from being read a gazillion times. In the late 70s I was fairly proficient in written Dwarvish (I never could figure out Elvish, although I was quite a hounddog in college…). “Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age” is one of the finest chapters ever to spring from the mind of any man. I watch “The Ride of the Rohirrim” once a month with the surround sound friggin’ cranked and I blubber like a baby through it. But it’s just not something I write a lot about, and there are so many other folks who do it so much better.
Want to meet for a beer (or six) sometime? We’ll discuss all of his related writings for hours; hell, even a few of his unrelated writings. But I don’t see me writing about it any time soon. Unless I do.
I will, however, link to Dwarf and Elf Jokes.
And gnomes are an entirely different matter.

To The Good People Who Keep Searching For “LOTR”

I’m sorry to disappoint you, but all the linking must have nuked the bandwidth of the folks who were hosting them. If we can find them again I’ll host them and put them back up.

Apollo XIII

“One thing a Southern boy will never say is ‘I don’t think duct tape will fix it.'”
Heh.
(via Insta)

British Granma Throws Gnome At Burglar…

…And the EU is investigating her for “actions disrepectful to the gnome’s dignity.”
Well, not really, but sadly believable, isn’t it?
(via Ken,, who is so desperate for Lesbian Gorilla News that he’s fantasizing about gnomes. Sad, really)

A Well Spent Twelve Bucks ‘n Change

Last night with dinner, now that we realized Major Dad’s Loratab label only says alchohol could ‘make him drowsy’. Well, then! One needs rest after surgery so drowsy it is!

The vino was jammyjammy yumyums and a worthy contender in the Ravenswood et al, $12-$17 range.
(Price @ World Market.)

Did He Yell “Check!”?

It seems Gary Kasparov was attacked with a chess board after a meeting to organize youth activists. Via the Blogfaddah, who rightly points out the potential, and shocking, of course, connection to Putin.
But my theory is that the ‘fan’ perhaps looked at the autograph and felt…rooked.

Guns Don’t Kill People…

…poor training and poor firearm discipline kill people, as a little research proved this morning. On the face of it, this local news story last night,

with a lawyer money quote like this:

Bryan Cigeleske, Attorney for Goodwin says “There needs to be an awareness that the Glock Pistol is a dangerous weapon. As it’s being marketed and distributed to police and law enforcement throughout this state and really the nation.”

…led me and Major Dad to much guffawing, dismissive snorting and rolling of eyes. Here we go again, we thought.

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Whacha Think?

Happy April 15th!

Courtesy of MUSC Tiger, we now know where all the money is going.

In honor of this day in history…

heh 93 years ago. Just seven years earlier, the Pepsi bottling plant here in Charlotte opened up, and 43 years later, Ray Crock got things rolling.

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News Snip

Defender of Freedom, Faithful reader, and handsome devil Real JeffS tipped me off to today’s mass circumcision in Morocco by several thousand men to ‘celebrate’ the circumcision of the King’s son.
Good thing the Queen didn’t have a mastectomy…

God Bless and Semper Fi

An amazing Marine has died.

F.C. Branch, 82, Pioneering Black Marine, Dies
PHILADELPHIA, April 13 (AP) – Frederick Clinton Branch, the first black commissioned officer in the Marine Corps, died Sunday in Philadelphia. He was 82.
His death was announced by his family and Roxborough Memorial Hospital.
Mr. Branch was drafted into the Marines in 1942 while a student at Temple University and scored well on a test for Officer Candidate School, but he lacked a recommendation and was rejected.
His wartime service in the Pacific, however, led to a recommendation and admission to O.C.S. He received his commission as a Marine lieutenant on Nov. 10, 1945, the 170th anniversary of the founding of the corps in Philadelphia, and was the only black graduate in a class of 250.

FLASH! ~ ‘Get a Grip’ A Swill Scoop

All the fawning over the NRO article noted on our bigger older brother blogs should leave loyal Coalition readers yawning. We called McCain a suck up days ago, with pithy commentary from said extraordinary Swillers.

There’s No Place Like Gnome

Gnome gone wild — partying with Paris Hilton?
Garden fixture may have had Vegas-style break

They stole her gnome, caught him on tape partying with Paris Hilton (!!) and she’s not pissed until…

But it was the shocking picture of the gnome smiling with waitresses from Hooters that really got Severson steamed.
“He’s my prodigal gnome and he went without my permission,” Severson told the “Today” show on Thursday. “And it’s a really good picture, but he hasn’t really told me much about it because he knows he’s in trouble.”

Shocking is right. But he’s paying for it.

She added that the wayward gnome was currently under house arrest and won’t be making anymore trip to Las Vegas or even the garden. “I’ve got him in the house here and he is totally grounded.”

The rest of her garden sculptures and Mr. Summers are writhing in gnome envy.

Waiter! There’s a Finger Reflux

Cat’s got her…um…finger.

Leopard victim thinks Wendy’s finger is hers
Latest bizarre twist in tale of tainted chili
LAS VEGAS – A woman who lost part of her finger in a leopard attack believes it was her body part that allegedly showed up a month later in a bowl of fast-food chili in California.

*Update: Ken, as always, is at the forefront of transgendered Leopard Nibbling.

Admit It! We’ve All Wanted To…

…ya know. Say something like this, when confronted with another loser member of the humanoid herd.

911 dispatcher reprimanded for wisecrack
Apologizes after facetious offer to shoot child
WATAUGA, Texas – A 911 dispatcher was reprimanded for responding to a mother’s plea for help with an unruly child by saying: “OK. Do you want us to come over to shoot her?”

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Ban Baseball!

Whenever you see a statement like this

“He is not a monster. He’s a good boy who made a bad mistake. This is a mistake that will haunt both families for the rest of our lives,” the statement said.

you just know that something like this has happened:

A 13-year-old pitcher was accused of clubbing a teenage friend to death with a baseball bat, moments after the friend apparently teased him at a concession stand following his baseball team’s first loss of the season.

Hate to break it to you, mom and dad, but he is a monster, for according to witnesses “the two boys teased each other before the suspect pulled a bat from his bag and hit Rourke in the knees, then the head.”
He must have learned that combo from the Sopranos. Nice kid.
The dead one.

Unions

and the eeevvviiillll Wally. Pretty even handed for the WaPo.
Unions:The last refuge of sub-standard employees.

Word of the Day

The example sentence was simply swill…

oracular \or-RAK-yuh-ler\ adjective
*1 : resembling an oracle (as in solemnity of delivery)
2 : of, relating to, or being an oracle
Example sentence:
*A knowledgeable wine drinker herself, Roberta refuses to assign an oracular status to professional wine critics; she drinks what she likes, not what has been well-reviewed.

Breaking News

Ken has turned up some important scientific data regarding John Kerry.
I urge you, in the interest of science, to go read it.