“That Is What the Average Punter Wants.”

Here. Let me help you with that:

A vicar is to apply for a drinks licence so he can sell wine and beer at his small village church.
The Reverend Geraint ap Iorwerth could be made licensee of St Peter ad Vincula Church in Pennal, near Machynlleth, close to the Powys-Gwynedd border.
He joked that there were plans to serve more than just spirits, though, with lager and wine on the menu too.

Oh, and a punster, too, God love ‘im!! (Of course, you’d have to be half in the bag just to read that second line correctly.)
Praise ‘n raise ~ it might just catch on. The Reverend’s a pretty cutting edge guy himself.

And a tip o’ the warm Swill cup to al dente for the find.

Oh, GET a GRIP, People!!

Man fined for buckling in beer, leaving kid loose
Police ‘shocked and appalled’ after Australian leaves 5-year-old on car floor

Everyone KNOWS the the kid’s insured but the beer’s NOT.

It Depends If You See the Salt Cavern As Half Empty

…or half full.

…”The purpose of the reserve is not for price manipulation,” said a White House spokesman. “The modest fill rate has a negligible impact on prices, and the President believes it is in our national security interest to continue filling it up.”
One oil trader said the president is actually making the right decision, and filling the SPR could even lower prices.
“It acts as a deterrent,” said Phil Flynn, senior market analyst at Alaron Trading in Chicago. “If it was twice the size, we’d be less concerned about disruptions from places like Nigeria or Iran.”


Where One Hand Doesn’t

…wash the other. Oil companies are raking in it at the moment but independent refiners seem to be missing the joy ride.

Times are so tough for oil refiners in America that success is measured not so much in gains as in their ability to stay afloat.
…Rising crude prices have hit oil refiners hard with increasingly thin margins, since gasoline and other products aren’t keeping pace. Even though Holly is one of the leaders in the industry, its shares have dropped 35.0% over the past year. That’s only half the story though. According to Byrne, Holly and its peers have also been hurt by weakening gasoline demand in the United States, which is the biggest driver behind independent refiners.

Oh, we need them going under like a hole in the ozone.

Headline Reads: “Marine Corps Surpasses Recruiting Goal”

The Marine Corps far surpassed its recruiting goal last month and could eventually be more than a year ahead of schedule in its plan to grow the force to 202,000 members.
All military services met or exceeded their monthly recruiting goals in April, with the Marine Corps signing 142 percent of the number it was looking for, the Pentagon said.

So who do they show in the picture accompanying the article?

Some dork ass Army recruiter. [Ed.: Apologies to JeffS…sort of.] [Sheesh. And Cullen.] [But I’m NOT sayin’ sorry to…well…you know who. I’m just not.] [Tough.] [Suck it up, Gator Girl.]

I Don’t Think There’s Enough Material

…to technically call it a prom “dress”.

Who’d Vote for THAT Cranky, Lyin’, Cheatin’, Ancient Ass Old Bastard??

I mean really?!?!! Lemme ‘splain how I came to this.
Instapundit’s link to a post on a NYT story yesterday got me thinking. Not because of the obvious ‘inconsistencies’ in the story itself, but because they use the term “soft touch” to describe it. A little background ~ being one of the three households left in the country who actually GET the NYT Sunday edition thrown inaccurately towards our vehicles each weekend, I got to see the SECOND Obama article as presented IN the paper and found the ‘soft focus’ of the two HUGE pictures accompanying it off-putting enough that I couldn’t even read it. I just waved it at major dad and sputtered something unladylike (I think it had to do with lubrication ~ of the camera lens.). This warm fuzzy took up two thirds of the bottom half…

…while an close-up of earnest Obama eyes dominating two thirds of the top. In FULL color, the both of them.
Major, MAJOR Barrack MacDreamyQuiverin’, leg MacShiverin’ material. Sweet baby Jesus, who doesn’t just want to HUG this guy?!?!?!
While bringing this obvious tilt of the old girl’s beam to light for those subscriptionless losers in the world, I stumbled across the NYT bio page of the sweet son of HOPE and CHANGE. Dear. God. Every headline is poetry! Struggle, unity, pragmatism, STAR POWER, race, closing income gaps, dogs and cats, living together….STOP. Hold the sandtrout!

He IS the KWISATZ HADERACH and controls the Spice.
Take a deep cleansing breath. Now. For perspective, contrast those with the headlines a la John McCain’s NYT bio. Hence, my post title. They reveal nothing but a broken down old man dealing in ghosts, busted marriages, developers’ ties, Republicans and his own arrogance.
And he’ll probably die any minute. He’s THAT f*ckin’ old, in case you didn’t notice.

Irish Stink

Well, I deployed the Irish StinkSpring

and got rid of the old bars

Man, the yard stinks so bad now I don’t want to go in it…


You hungry

little turd

Eating away at both my grapes and my Granny Smith tree!
(And someday I’ll figure out how to get non-blurry macro close ups…)

A Bad Case of Corn


…What everyone is trying to avoid admitting is that the one enduring objective of ethanol supports–a purpose known to every politician who voted for them–was precisely to jack up the price of corn. And everyone knew the calculation behind that goal: the purpose of ethanol supports was to buy votes in Iowa by boosting the profits of farmers at the expense of everyone else.

“Saturday night, all I heard was 12 cracks in a row.”

So said 78 year old WW2 vet Dale Davis, who on Saturday night bowled his first perfect 300 game. Oh, by the way, he’s blind

A perfect game. The most difficult achievement a bowler can accomplish.
It’s even more impressive when a blind World War II veteran does it.
That was the scene at Saturday evening’s All-League Playoffs at Century Lanes in Alta. Dale Davis, just three months from his 79th birthday, his sight stolen years ago by macular degeneration, rolled 12 consecutive strikes in front of an enthusiastic and supportive crowd. The effort was the first-ever 300 game at Century.
“It was quite a thrill,” Davis said of the achievement. “When I got to the tenth frame, I said ‘Lord, let me throw three more good balls.’ When I did, people on other teams were yelling and cheering. A few guys were hugging me and almost broke my skinny bones.”
With his neatly combed back hair and 115-pound frame, Davis is proud of the fact he still uses the heaviest ball available, explaining that he and his ball “weigh over 130 pounds together.”

God bless him.

Burmese Bastards

My god, those poor people in Myanmar. The dictatorship is stealing the aid

The World Food Programme has halted aid shipments to Burma after the contents of its first delivery were impounded on arrival in the military-ruled country.
The UN body says the Burmese government seized aid material flown in to help victims of Cyclone Nargis, which has killed tens of thousands.
The WFP said it had no choice but to halt aid until the matter was resolved.

I’m sure the UN is getting ready a very strong letter even as we speak.


…ring a bell? Why foreign real estate is always an ‘iffy’ thing. One socialist president and there goes the farm.

American Rancher Resists Land Reform Plans in Bolivia
From the time Ronald Larsen drove his pickup truck here from his native Montana in 1969 and bought a sprawling cattle ranch for a song, he lived a quiet life in remote southeastern Bolivia, farming corn, herding cattle and amassing vast land holdings.
… After armed standoffs with land-reform officials at his ranch this year, Mr. Larsen made it clear which side he was on, emerging as a figure celebrated in rebellious Santa Cruz Province and loathed by Mr. Morales’s government, which wants to reduce ties to the United States.
“I just spent 40 years in this country working my land in an honest fashion,” said Mr. Larsen, who resembled Clint Eastwood with his weathered features and lanky frame. “They’re taking it away over my dead body.”

Could be.

“Overweight, Binge-Drinking Reality TV Addicts”

As a famous bloke once said,

“I beseech you in the bowels of Christ think it possible you may be mistaken.”

Unfortunate as ‘twould seem, apparently there’s been no mistake.


The vineyard is growing

the bushes are flowering

and Claude wants a treat for taking a dump

ain’t life grand?

A Burqa In Manhattan

So I’m walking to catch the bus home today, and as I round the corner onto Broadway right there by the naked bull in Bowling Green what do I damn near bump into but some scowling fellow wearing muslim garb and a woman in a toe-length burqa. I was stunned.
You know, I’m a big believer in the freedom of religion. You can worship, or not worship, whatever deity floats your boat. And I will defend that right until my dying breath.
But you do not, no matter what your god or prophet or spaghetti monster says, under any circumstances, have the right to enslave another human being. We’ve spent hundreds of years, and spilled the blood of hundreds of thousands of our fellow Americans, as we’ve stumbled towards the dream f all of us being equal before the law and each other, and I will be god-damned if I’m going to quietly sit around and allow people to be treated like chattel in our country.

Using Spain’s Own Twisted, Rapacious Logic

Spain demands return of $500 million treasure
Court battle over U.S. deep-sea firm’s shipwreck haul intensifies
Spain is demanding a U.S. deep-sea exploration firm turn over the entire $500 million treasure it salvaged from a shipwreck, saying Thursday it has determined the vessel is definitely Spanish.
James Goold, a Washington-based lawyer who represents the Spanish government, said the 19th-century shipwreck at the heart of a dispute with Odyssey Marine Exploration is without a doubt the Nuestra Senora de las Mercedes — a Spanish frigate sunk by a British warship southwest of Portugal in 1804.

WHY then wouldn’t the wreckage technically be British because it’s a war prize?

Don Massaredo: Mmm… I wonder if their excellencies realize they’re setting free a man who will doubtless be a thorn in their side for many years to come.
Hornblower: I shall endeavor not to disappoint them. sir.

The Next Senator From Pennsylvania?

He’s getting the rightresume together

NEW KENSINGTON, Pa. — A local principal was arrested in a sex sting.
Kim Sean Crummie, the principal of Valley Middle School in the New Kensington-Arnold School District, has been charged with sex crimes.
According to police, Crummie met with the undercover officer in the men’s bathroom at Harrison Park in Harrison Township. It was there that Crummie allegedly made his indecent proposal to the officer.

Shockingly, His Name Isn’t McCartney

Though I’m sure Macca was often tempted

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. — A Florida man is accused of ripping off his wife’s prosthetic leg during a fight after leaving a sports bar.
Officers in Port St. Lucie said they found a 29-year-old woman in a sport utility vehicle Tuesday night with a bruised eye and missing a leg and pants.
Police then questioned the woman’s husband, Luis Ramirez, 35, who said he was arguing with his wife after leaving a bar, TCPalm reported. He denied stealing her leg.
The woman told police that Ramirez became possessed and started screaming.
Ramirez was jailed on battery charges, Local 6 reported.

For those non-lawyers amongst our readership: “stealing a leg” in Florida is not a felony…it’s a “misde-femur.”

Capt. Von Trapp He’s Not

I really have refrained from commenting on this horrific story in Austria because it’s just too disgusting for words, and it just keeps getting more bizarre. Now today we hear that the poor fellow is upset about his image

Fritzl’s lawyer, Rudolf Mayer, said his client had access to a television in jail and was closely watching coverage of his case, which has garnered worldwide attention.
Mayer said Fritzl was bothered by the fact that he was being made out to be a monster. He said Fritzl told him, “I’m only being portrayed as a monster and not as someone who committed monstrous acts.”

I love the parsing. I’m not a monster; no, no, no; I’m just a person who has done monstrous things for decades. Really, I’m aces.
Oh, and there’s this gem

Mayer made his comments when asked to confirm a report Wednesday by the newspaper Oesterreich that quoted Fritzl as saying he was not a monster and that without him, his 19-year-old daughter Kerstin would no longer be alive.

Well, quite frankly, you disgusting scumbag, the poor dear would not be alive in the first place if you hadn’t constructed a dungeon to drug, rape, impregnate and imprison your own daughter for decades. Repeatedly. So don’t try and wrap yourself in this “Oh, but I saved her” cloak of complete and total bullshit.
Is there any reason why this complete and totally vile despicable thing, who has confessed to all of this intentional, premeditated horror, is not just taken out and shot?

“We Need to Get Everybody Out”

Oh. NOW the guy develops a sense of urgency.


Because I Need A Laugh Tonight

Via Damian Penny I proudly present this link to our Cultural Superiors in Europe and their leading lights, the Leningrad Cowboys and the Red Army Choir doing “Sweet Home Alabama”

I really love the addition of the “Volga Boat Song” at the end there. Really makes the piece for me.
Remember, folks: it’s the high opinion of these folks that our political class is so desirous of winning back…

Warning ~ Sympathy Meter Pegged!

Frustrated owners try to unload their guzzlers
After paying $75 to fill his black Dodge Ram pickup truck for the third time in a week, Douglas Chrystall couldn’t take it anymore.
Feeling pinched at the pump, and guilty as well, Chrystall, a 39-year-old father from Wellesley, is putting ads online to sell the truck, and the family’s other gas-guzzler, a Jeep Grand Cherokee.


SUVs were, ARE and EVER WILL BE a stupid indulgence for your everyday ride.

Read more »

If I Were the “Supervisor of Teachers”

…I’d watch my ass.

Florida Substitute Teacher Fired, Accused of Wizardry
…Jim Piculas said he made a toothpick disappear and reappear in front of students at the Rushe Middle School in Land ‘O Lakes, Fla., Local6.com reported. He said he later got a call from the supervisor of teachers, saying he had been accused of wizardry.

Wizard bytes kan be pretti nasti…
A warm Swill salute to Sad Old Goth.

“Lick My Swizzle Stick”?


I’m a sucker for bad pick-up lines.

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