Al Gore’s Massage Parlor Got Me Thinking About Revolting Stimuli Situations

…and, like we had a Vulcan Mind Meld or something, Senators Coburn and McCain release a report full of revolting Stimulus things like sex crazed poodles.
No. Not those. (You’ll have to wait for it.)

Two Republican senators have conducted an exhaustive survey of the Obama administration’s $787 billion economic stimulus spending and found that some of the spending didn’t create jobs — it actually led to job losses.

…The findings come despite a hearty endorsement of the federal stimulus just a few days ago in another report, this one by the economists Alan Blinder and Mark Zandi…

…Not surprisingly, the Obama administration prefers Blinder and Zandi’s take to that of Coburn and McCain.

…As for those COCAINE-SNORTING MONKEYS? [ths: BINGO!!!] The Coburn-McCain report found that the Department of Health and Human Services has sent $71,623 to researchers at Wake Forest University to see how monkeys react under the influence of cocaine.

Coming soon to a federally funded university research center near you…
IF YOU”RE REAAAALLLLY LUCKY! (and live in a state with a Democratic governor)

Here are some other projects that the GOP senators called into question:

•The U.S. Forest Service is spending more than $554,000 to replace windows at a visitors center for Mt. St. Helens that has been closed.
•The University of North Carolina at Charlotte received more than $750,000 to help develop a computerized choreography program that its creators believe could lead to a YouTube-like “Dance Tube” online application.
•The Port Authority of Allegheny County, PA, will spend $62 million extend the city’s light rail under the Allegheny River to the new Rivers Casino, as well as to its two professional sports arenas, PNC Park (home of the Pirates) and Heinz Field (home of the Steelers).
•The town of Boynton, Oklahoma was awarded nearly $90,000 to replace a quarter-mile stretch of sidewalk that was replaced only five years ago.
•The Mohegan Tribe of Indians of Connecticut will get $54 million in rural development loans from the United States Department of Agriculture for a tribal government building that will also hold a practice facility for the WNBA’s Connecticut Sun women’s professional basketball team.
•Researchers at Wake Forest University have received nearly $300,000 to study whether Integral Yoga “can be an effective method to reduce the frequency and/or severity of hot flashes” in menopausal women.

[The BIG FINALE and ths’ personal favorite:]

•The National Science Foundation shelled out nearly $60,000 in stimulus dollars to study people’s perceptions of federal stimulus spending.

That pretty much sums up how we feel about stimulus spending.

(Unless, of course, there’s some of that monkey blow left…)

One Response to “Al Gore’s Massage Parlor Got Me Thinking About Revolting Stimuli Situations”

  1. Kate P says:

    So true about the Democractic governor–hey, Fast Eddie, what, no love for Philly? I guess we were just a stepping stone.

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