Economic Stimulus Primer

From an email I received today:

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another Economic Stimulus payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment ?

It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.

If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)


Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

Sadly, this makes far more sense to me than it probably should; well, ignoring the tattooed prostitute bit, of course.

5 Responses to “Economic Stimulus Primer”

  1. WunderKraut says:

    What do you have against tattooed prostitutes?

  2. Skyler says:

    Some of my best friends are tattooed prostitutes.

  3. JeffS says:

    Actually, there’s a fair number of ammo and arms manufacturers still in the country. Those would be wonderful places to spend stimulus funds.

  4. Rob says:

    I went to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute. She went home with Lawrence Taylor.

  5. Mr. Bingley says:

    See? LT should have ignored the tattooed prostitute as well.

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