End Of The World This Weekend?

Now, I am a fallen human; a sinful and sin-filled man. This I confess. As a Christian I confess and acknowledge my sinful nature, and despite my best and (at times) whole-hearted efforts (but mostly half-hearted efforts) I fall short of correcting it but that’s ok, because the Big Guy through His Grace wubs me anyway. Good stuff; why, some even call it “Great News.”

So I heard on the radio that this weekend will be all about Rapture according to some. Evidently some folks have declared that Scripture tells them that this will occur on Saturday.

Now, Scripture is a great resource and guide: the lessons, stories and parables offer great insights into man’s fallen nature and how pride and arrogance so often lead us into sin and a life that is less than what it could be. It is applicable across all times and places; as such, there really are surprisingly enough relatively few crystal clear unambiguous statements in Scripture. One of them, however, is don’t try to predict when the game is up. That is for the Master to know, not you. We are told to live our lives fully expecting that he could return at any moment and act accordingly. If and when we try to predict the time then we commit the sin of imagining ourselves as the Master, of trying to control Him.

And quite frankly that shit don’t fly.

I mean that in a loving Christian sense, of course.

Oh, and speaking of flying, I’m doing that on Saturday so I do have a question for some of our theologians: what are the odds that during my flight this Rapture occurs, and while it would be perfectly understandable if The Big Guy decides that I’m not Rapture-Ready it would sort of, um, suck if He (in His Infinite Wisdom) decides that but also happens to decide that the Pilot is.

24 Responses to “End Of The World This Weekend?”

  1. tree hugging sister says:

    Check your horoscope. TSA can’t take THAT from you.

  2. Mr. Bingley says:

    I ain’t so much worried about them taking it away from me as I am a tad concerned about where they might look for it, Sis.

  3. Suzette says:

    I have a friend whose grandmother is saving her good Tupperware for the Rapture. She only uses old cottage cheese containers or other cast-off packaging vessels to store leftovers. Her good Tupperware sits waiting, ready.

  4. Mr. Bingley says:

    Well, that makes perfect sense, Suzette.

    One would not want to serve The Almighty leftovers from anything less than the finest molded plastic products.

  5. major dad says:

    Guess it will be a pitcher of martinis Friday night…

  6. tree hugging sister says:

    And thank you for THAT, Bingley.


  7. tree hugging sister says:

    New Tupperware is ALWAYS rapturous, Suzette.

    OMG, I get tingly even thinking about it.

  8. Gary from Jersey says:

    Tell your grandmother not to burp it when The Time comes, Suzette, or it’ll be pay The Lord time.

  9. JeffS says:

    I don’t own ANY Tupperware, so I suppose I’ll burn in Hall.

  10. Dave E. says:

    Better plan on Saturday too, md. The story I read says it doesn’t happen until 6:00 PM and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to face the Rapture all hungover.

  11. Mr. Bingley says:

    Which time zone, Dave?

  12. nightfly says:

    All of them, Bings. One at a time. Those West Coast folks are laid-back, so they need the three hours’ warning.

  13. Dave E. says:

    The article said “local” time, meaning EDT since the guy predicting it is from New York. I had figured it would be simultaneous around the world, but maybe it does travel like a wave. I guess I’m really not as up on the End Times as I should be.

  14. Laura says:

    If your pilot is called on to join Jesus then your plane will land in Hell. But don’t worry, I’ll be there putting leis on people welcoming them. NO I will not be LAYING people- unless it’s George Clooney, but I digress… Aloha.

  15. JeffS says:

    Actually, I’ll probably burn in HELL. Burning in the hall, that’s for high school students.

  16. Fausta says:

    I guess that means I won’t make it to tango Saturday night?

  17. Mockingbird says:

    I’ll be hiding from The Lord in Palatka on Saturday eatin’ blueberry pancakes at the festival. But if The Good Lord finds me to take, I’m bringin’ a BIG bottle of bourbon.
    Don’t fret, I share.

  18. Thomas Pfau says:

    Well, if you’re flying and the pilot is taken up in the rapture, I guess you’ll be meeting your Maker one way or the other….

  19. Mr. Bingley says:

    Well, I’m afraid you may have a point there, Thomas.

    Fausta, the red pumps will be a BIG hit at the Pearly Gates!

  20. Mr. Bingley says:

    Blueberry pancakes and bourbon.

    Who needs the rapture when you’ve got that, m’bird?

  21. Ave says:

    It’s okay Bingley, remember we’re neutral over here and I’ll meet you outside Customs with a beer and a brat.

  22. Mr. Bingley says:

    In heaven there is no beer,
    that’s why we drink it here…

  23. Thomas Pfau says:

    So, after the rapture I can eat (and drink) carbs again? Bring it on…

  24. major dad says:

    Pastafarians rejoice! Bring on the beer volcano and the strippers…

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