Fig-Gedduh Bout It

Our bud Rob posted some lovely Spring photos from CrabApple Lane the other day showing his latest yard addition: a couple of fig trees.

Oddly enough, even though we’re in quite the different climatological zone than ‘Nawlins I also planted a couple of figs this year (with some heather for celtician contrast)

I do rather think that his have got a better shot at a long fruitful life, however. I planted mine just to have something to hold together the hillside that they’re on, so even if they only last this year and don’t survive the cruel cool Winter blasts (and judging by the USDA literature I’m reckoning they won’t, even though we usually don’t get that cold thanks to the salubrious influence of Gaia’s Bathtub which is only a few miles east of us) I figure I’m ahead of the game.

I’m starting to also get a few blueberries this year, which are also artfully framed by heather, you’ll notice

The grapes are making their appearance, which causes my heart to skip and burst forth in joyous song

of course, those nazi scumsucking cloven-hoofed bambionic bastards just love their daily grape-leaf salad buf-freakin-fet

I wonder if I can put up a perimeter of landmines to take those deer out…that wouldn’t violate the township’s “firearms” ordinance, would it?

8 Responses to “Fig-Gedduh Bout It”

  1. JeffS says:

    Very nice! Me, I have a black thumb, and must replant my lawn this year. 🙁

    Landmines likely aren’t a violation of any firearms ordinance, but you would have problems with most noise ordinances. Not to mention the BATF.

    What about an electric fence? Or just a fence? I’ve seen those successfully deployed against four legged cloven vermin.

  2. Rob says:

    My vermin tend to dig the fresh plantings out to get at something underneath. Have never figured out what they’re after. New blueberry bushes, in particular, have been yanked out of the ground and tossed aside so they could get at the yummy whatever underneath. That’s why I have bricks around those fig trees.

    Not sure taller bushes are best for holding soil. Think you want groundhuggers like grass, clover, jasmine, etc. And landmines tend to remove soil and also tend to make gardening a little more hazardous. You know, you’re out there pruning your fig tree and your rain gauge falls over or a big truck rumbles by …

  3. Mr. Bingley says:

    But they really aerate the soil!

  4. Gary from Jersey says:

    You know about the ceremonial unwrapping of the fig tree each spring, right? Some wine, some beer, some yelling make a festive afternoon. Weapons are optional.

    Good luck with the deer. I knew someone near Hartshorne Woods who used everything short of a flamethrower and the bastards just kept coming. So try a bow and arrow; at least you’ll keep the noise down.

  5. Mr. Bingley says:

    I like the idea of bow and arrow; it’s like a built-in shishkebab!

  6. JeffS says:

    Gary, I believe that beautiful women dancing nude around the freshly planted fig tree is also required by tradition.

    Mr. B, in all seriousness, I’ve seen people fence in their plants to keep the wildlife back. This seems to work in places teeming with hungry critters (ever see a herd of elk munching away? They’ll eat ANYTHING). Nothing fancy, wire mesh of some sort, set back a couple of feet. Seems to work for them.

  7. Mr. Bingley says:

    Believe me, Jeff, I’ve got lots of fencing surrounding everything, stuff I got a good price on at the yard sale of a neighbor who just emigrated from East Germany.

    The deer scoff at such measures.

  8. nightfly says:

    Too bad they won’t let you use a shotgun. Practice with a composite bow, maybe, and pick ’em off silent-but-deadly.

    Venison goes well with a nice red, don’t it?

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