For Swillers Who Have Noted Mortimer’s Hale and Hearty Appearance

…this hand-cut…

…hand-minced together so the picky little bastard can’t cull out his favorites and leave the other stuff…

…Box Turtle Smörgåsbord is why.

But in a crushing example of why the Welfare State is a failure as a redemptive social model…he chomped me on the nose this morning anyway.

(BeauBeau’s like, “Hey! You told me to ‘Put him DOWN‘ years ago, uh huh. Reap what you sow.”)

Left me bleeding.

Then stomped off to his rock to chow down on romaine, organic strawberries, button mushrooms, shredded carrots and organic turkey dogfood chub.

I ought to ship his little Kobe Turtle ass to a New Orleans restaurant.

Gratitude. O_o

6 Responses to “For Swillers Who Have Noted Mortimer’s Hale and Hearty Appearance”

  1. Laura says:

    I love box turtles! I grew up with one in the house- Craig. We had him for yearsssss. He ate canned dog food and veggies too.

  2. tree hugging sister says:

    You know, beau’s name was ‘Craig’ when we got him from the Labradork rescue. (They said it was the vet’s name. RIGHT.)

    Changed THAT shit lickety split. I am shocked to death that turtle didn’t bite you.

  3. major dad says:

    Do I have to comment on why THS had a turtle close enough to her nose that he could chomp it?

  4. NJSue says:

    THS, were you trying to give him a kiss?

  5. tree hugging sister says:

    I think the technical term is “nuzzle”, Sister Sue and it’s gone off smashingly before.

    Well, blood-free before.

    I was telling md that we’d passed another milestone ~ Mort affectionately nipping at my nose ~ when I came in from feeding the little ingrate, and didn’t see the blood welling part until I hit a mirror 20 minutes later. Everyone says “I love you” in their own special way.

  6. JeffS says:

    I’m glad to hear your schnoz is doing well, Sis, but I see it as my professional duty to point out that one possible explanation as to why Mort chomped down is that you aren’t feeding him enough meat.

    But I’m quite sure that we can safely exclude the possibility that your nose resembles some natural enemy in Mort’s home environment.

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