I’m Taking On the General

General Mills, that is. I left a note this morning:

While reducing the amount of processed food in our diet by a remarkable amount over the years, we have always left a niche for your Betty Crocker boxed potato mixes, referring to them as “Cheesy Goodness”. We even lay in a number of them every Hurricane Season (and the Mayan Apocalypse), since all they require (truly) is water and some heat. We were dismayed when you reformulated them to cook quicker, but such is progress. What happened last night, however, was outside the acceptable ~ our most treasured “Cheesy Goodness”, a recently purchased, much anticipated Cheesy Hashbrown, came out of the oven completely inedible due to a revolting cardboard taste that had nothing remotely “cheesy” nor “goodness” about it. We dumped it immediately.


It looked sort of sickly in its separate bags ~ tiny, shriveled ‘taters and a sparse amount of cheesy powder, but I still had hope when I made it ~ as ALWAYS ~ precisely according to the box directions.

Revolting. Horrifying. Certainly NOT “the perfect blend of cheddar cheese and sour cream flavors” promised by the box, or our fond memories.

(By the by, the box has SHRUNK/SHRIVELED to 3.7 ounces. Yes, I noticed that as well. It’s astute, I am.)

Whatever you’ve done with the “Cheesy Goodness”, please return it. Immediately.

Because THIS foodstuff is vile and an assault on everything we hold dear.

Thank you.

Man, we were snortin’ fire.

And 3.7 OUNCES?!?!?! It sure wasn’t any CHEAPER than the last time we bought it, which was, admittedly, quite a while ago.

But that’s the same bullshit as damn Pillsbury cakes. I do a riff on Paula Deen’s Gooey Punkin’ Butter Bars for Thanksgiving and Christmas that Ebola loves, and went to whip him up some when he was home this year. Wellll, put the box of cake mix (she specifies any old 18.5 oz box mix) in with the stick o’ butter, and I thought, “YEESH! That seems a wee bit greasier than usual…”

A box of cake mix is NOW…16.5 ounces, ladies and germs.

TWO OUNCES in baking is like a little less fissionable material building a bomb ~ SHIT MIGHT NOT WORK, DUH.

We’re getting boned left and right. But mostly LEFT.

ths update: Oh, BARF ~ General Mills answered. They recently DID just PURPOSEFULLY dick it up.

Thank you for contacting General Mills regarding your dissatisfaction with the recent reformulation of Betty Crocker cheesy hashbrowns.

Our goal is to give consumers quality products at a good value. Prior to introducing any product, extensive consumer testing is done. We conduct market research and product testing continuously to obtain consumer reaction to existing products and to changes being considered. Only when we feel confident that a product change will broaden its appeal will we alter a product’s formulation. We are sorry that you do not agree that the recent change in Betty Crocker cheesy hashbrowns was for the better.

In keeping with our satisfaction guarantee, we are sending replacement product certificates to the address you provided. Please allow 10-15 business days for delivery.

We appreciate your loyalty to General Mills and hope you continue to choose our products.


8 Responses to “I’m Taking On the General”

  1. JeffS says:

    Makes me want to set up a base camp in remote Alaska, and venture out only for dry goods and ammunition.

  2. leelu says:

    2 tbsp flour, 2 tbsp of butter – melt butter, whisk in flour and 1c milk. Add shredded cheese and anything else your heart desires. Add more cheese and milk until you have enough at the right thickness.

    Pour over thinly sliced potatoes and bake at about 400 deg until bubbly & brown on top.

    I do this by feel more than anything else – adding milk and cheese until I have enough sauce at the right consistency.

    It’s not rocket science, and you’ll use the milk, cheese and potatoes in other things, so stocking up on them has no downside. Like one of the exes and I would say when we came out of Sam’s with a 25 lb box of dishwasher detergent: “It’s not like we aren’t going to use it!”

  3. aelfheld says:

    We’re sorry you don’t like our product so here’s a certificate or two for more of the product you don’t like.

  4. tree hugging sister says:

    Oh, sounds SWELL, doesn’t it, aelf?

    Email me if you want them.

  5. mojo says:

    Bought by Pillsbury years ago, all downhill since.

  6. Kathy Kinsley says:

    LOL – find someone to take them (sorry – can’t – my parents won’t eat anything but homemade – though I would) – and then have them repeat your complaint. Eventually, they’ll get the hint.

  7. Kathy Kinsley says:

    P.S. and you’ll get some free “food” out to people who may need it…

Image | WordPress Themes