No More Standing At The Bar?

Ah, the Alcohol Nazis are going too far now!

IT SHOULD be patently obvious. The principal drawback to vertical drinking is the danger of vertical falling over into horizontal befuddlement.
Police in Preston, Lancashire, think it is not as simple as that. Vertical drinking, they believe, is one of the country’s main causes of public disorder and would like to see it banned in the city’s pubs.
Vertical drinking is a new term for what used to be called standing at the bar, long regarded as the natural refuelling posture. Sixteen pints of lager slip into the tanks much more easily when the gullet is erect rather than kinked by the body being squeezed into a chair like a half-shut penknife. Drinking while standing in a like-minded group, police argue, is a contributor to booze-fuelled violence.

“Vertical Drinking.” I thought that meant having bottles of the ’61, ’66, ’82 and ’86 Latour with the same meal? And who would have ever suspected that other people standing at a bar also wanted to drink! My God, the insights in the British Press!
It also seems the anti-smoking folks are making great strides in England, as well. Now I will be the first to admit that I love the fact that bars in NJ and NY are smoke-free now, because I don’t smoke and I hated smelling like stale smoke when I got home (I really could care less about the whole “secondhand smoke” crap), not that I care if people smoke or not. Anyhow, like I said it looks like these sorts of laws are making headway over there, which leads to a glorious throwaway line like this that you would never ever see in an American paper:

The latest attempt to infringe libertarian drinkers’ rights will be compounded next year when England imposes a no-smoking rule in pubs, forcing drinkers on to the pavement for a fag. The opportunities for violence could be immense.

You’re not kidding they could be immense!
*to whoever did the snockered Paddington: we thank you.

8 Responses to “No More Standing At The Bar?”

  1. I thought “smoking a fag” was a hate crime.

  2. I hardly ever try to remain standing at a bar. As a matter of fact, it’s hard work getting to the point where you finally fall down.

  3. Rob says:

    “long regarded as the natural refuelling posture”
    You’ll never see that in an American newspaper, either.

  4. Nightfly says:

    What will they call “bellying up to the bar” once you can’t actually do it? “Tucking up to the table” hardly has the same panache.

  5. The_Real_JeffS says:

    How about “buttocking down to the bench”, Nightfly?

  6. Nightfly says:

    Heheheheh… I like it, JeffS, but the Brits might say “bollocks” to the bench.

  7. Mr. Bingley says:

    Will travel.

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