Only ‘Bout Half as Crazy as Anything Else We’ve Heard

UPDATE: A note to the quibblers: More zeros as we speak.

The House of Representatives on Wednesday approved a $25bn package of low-cost loans to help hard-pressed carmakers and their suppliers finance plant modernisation at a time of restricted access to public capital ­markets.
The automotive loans are separate from the proposed $700bn bail-out for the banking sector, which is still being debated in Congress. The House approved the measure 370-58, setting the stage for Senate approval within days.

From an email today:

Any argument with this?
Now here’s a bail out plan that works!
I’m against the $85,000,000,000 bailout of AIG.
Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in “We Deserve It Dividend”.
To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000
bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.
Our population is about 301,000,000 ± counting every man, woman
and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a
“We Deserve It Dividend”.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free.
So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%…

…Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.
That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.
A husband and wife has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college – it’ll be there
Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car – create jobs
Invest in the market – capital drives growth
Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks
who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company
that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.
If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!
As for AIG – liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.
Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.”
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion
“We Deserve It Dividend” more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in
Washington DC .
And remember, this plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because
$25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
You don’t want to even hear what I think about the stupid mortgage companies that loaned out billions of dollars to people who they knew had no way of paying back the loans, with both sides of the equation interested in one thing…fast money. But it didn’t work, and now we’re supposed to bail out those idiots too???

15 Responses to “Only ‘Bout Half as Crazy as Anything Else We’ve Heard”

  1. Mr. Bingley says:

    Where do i sign up?

  2. Tainted Bill says:

    Unfortunately, he forgot to carry three zeroes. $85B / 200M only equals $425.

  3. Fuzzy math, Bill! It’s what government’s run on.
    Works for me!

  4. Tainted Bill says:

    Eh…works for me then. Bail me out. I promise to spend it quickly, before it’s worth as much as a 1923 papiermark.

  5. Robb Allen says:

    85,000,000,000 / 200,000,000 = 425.
    I think someone used Trillions when they came up with that number.

  6. Mr. Bingley says:

    Hey, Bill, I can understand his error; my calculator doesn’t have that many zeros either; hell, that’s more zeros than the Akagi carried!

  7. Tainted Bill says:

    Well, it is close to Hosho‘s fighter complement.
    I had to use Excel. Government waste is too big for mere calculators.

  8. I mean, honestly. What’s a couple zeros in the scheme of things? I’ll bet you ANYTHING that the little bailout planners kicking around ideas in D.C. are skipping more than their fair share of them, 90% on PURPOSE, and we won’t find out for YEARS. And those firms are gonna get the money AND their bonuses anyways, you mark my words.
    We know what’s wrong up front in this plan, plus WE get the cash instead of the SHAFT. I like it better.
    MUCH better.

  9. Tainted Bill says:

    More zeroes! Thank you, Comrades Congresspeople. I look forward to driving the new Chevy ZiL model.

  10. Mr. Bingley says:

    I’ve ridden in Ladas before, Bill; rides sort of the way you’d expect a mid-60s Fiat to ride in 1986.
    Like crap.
    The Chevy ZiL reminds me of something a colleague of my Bride’s when she was in grad school once said. He owned a Chrysler K car, which he described as ‘the car we would all have if America was a communist country’…

  11. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Government waste is too big for mere calculators.
    May I suggest the use of scientific notation? Then you can have all the zeros you want!
    Yamamoto would be ecstatic.

  12. Billy Ray says:

    I know you’re dumb but really there’s no need to demonstrate it so clearly. It’s $425 you moron.

  13. Mr. Bingley says:

    Billy Ray you come up with the wittiest rejoinders after 3 days.

  14. And 56 comments that point that out ahead of his.

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