“The First Thing We Do, Let’s Kill All The Lawyers”

I’m sure Shakespeare was thinking of something like this when he wrote the above

PORT ANGELES — Wrongful death and personal injury claims totaling $10,022,700 have been made against Olympic National Park over the death of Bob Boardman, and a full-blown lawsuit may be imminent, according to his estate’s lawyer.

“We are intending to file a wrongful death suit,” personal injury lawyer John Messina of Tacoma said.

He said the park is liable for Boardman’s death.

And just how did poor Mr. Boardman die?

Boardman, 63, of Port Angeles was fatally gored by a 370-pound mountain goat while hiking on Klahhane Ridge with Chadd and their friend Pat Willits, also of Port Angeles, on the afternoon of Oct. 16.

A horrible, horrible way to die.

But even if this goat was the nastiest SOB ever to come down the pike, when you go hiking in the the Great Outdoors to experience Nature in all of her nasty, brutish and short glory, well, you are mostly responsible for what happens. In this instance I can not for the life of me see how we should be held liable for this.

Imagine the uproar that folks would have made had they said a year ago “gosh, this goat is a cranky bastard. Let’s shoot him and make a nice curry.”

12 Responses to ““The First Thing We Do, Let’s Kill All The Lawyers””

  1. Mark says:

    If memory serves, that context of that quote in Shakespeare is of conspirators bent on depriving depriving men of their rights… killing the lawyers would have the effect of lowering their defenses.

    And I’m sure it got a laugh from the Elizabethan crowed at the Globe theater.

  2. JeffS says:

    The Olympic Peninsula in general, and Port Angeles in particular, is chock full of hippies, yuppies, and all sorts of California rejects. Not to mention a huge population of retirees…and those two population groups often overlap. Seattle is worse only in that the loon density is significantly higher. I never have checked, but I imagine that the lawyer density there is near toxic levels.

    They’ve turned what was once an area with bustling logging, fishing, and farming operations into one big strip mall. It starts around Sequim, and goes to the other side of Port Angeles.

    There’s still some logging and fishing there, but apparently as a “See how our ancestors used to live!” sort of operation. Farming appears to be limited to — Zeus strike me dead if I lie — lavender.

    And, of course, these hippie, yuppies, and California rejects are all about Being One With Nature™, so they just lurves the Olympic National Forest, which is well populated with bear, cougars, deer, and (of course) mountain goats. Every one of which is a wild animal that view humans as an intruder. At best. And are well able to defend themselves.

    Which these pin heads do not understand, or somehow think they can make a killing by suing Uncle Sugar. Instead, they ought to be paying the National Park Service for the privilege of hiking through those beautiful mountains. These cretins ought to be handcuffed into a life boat, and set to drift in the Pacific Ocean.

    Excuse the rant. I have family there, and it’s sad to watch that area turn into another little California.

  3. Mr. Bingley says:

    Don’t confuse the issue with facts, Mark! 😛

  4. Ave says:

    What JeffS said. Hikers need to respect that they are the guests in the animals’ territory and stay clear of them. Animals are not mean or malicious and they usually don’t attack unless they are being threatened. It’s tragic that the man died, regardless, his behavior and its consequences are not the park’s responsibility.

  5. Gunslinger says:

    “And, of course, these hippie, yuppies, and California rejects are all about Being One With Nature™,”

    Heh. The same ignorant morons who think that throwing stones at a near four hundred pound mountain goat will do anything but make it angrier.

  6. major dad says:

    “California rejects”, now that’s saying something! They really must be whack jobs.

  7. Gary from Jersey says:

    Everything in striking distance is named in suits like this. Who’s gonna serve the papers to that goat? And what if it eats them?

  8. JeffS says:

    We get a lot of colonists from California, Major Dad. They tend to follow I5 north, up to the Canadian border, and stay west of the Cascades, a natural barrier against this infestation (although they have infested Bend, OR, and some points to the east).

    Most of them are “escaping” the hectic California life style, either by retiring, or finding suitable employment in the population centers. They “reject” California, but end up clamoring for the same services up here; if they don’t get them, they return home.

    Me, I label ’em rejects because they couldn’t keep up with the moon bats down there. So they migrate north, and dump their own brand of leftieism on us.

  9. aelfheld says:

    Olympic National Park needs to countersue for at least twice the money on the grounds the mountain goat has been traumatised by Boardman’s trespass and harassment.

  10. Ave says:

    I do hope the goat is alive and well – how do they know it weighs 370 pounds?

  11. Mr. Bingley says:

    They know it weighed 370 lbs because it ain’t alive and well

    Rangers shot the mountain goat dead the same afternoon with 1-ounce shotgun shells. A necropsy determined it was healthy.

    “A necropsy determined it was healthy.”

    excepting the “death-by-lead-poisoning” bit, of course.

  12. major dad says:

    How stupid was that? It was healthy enough to take care of that hapless guy. Geez.

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