The Joke’s On Us

Never let it be said again that the Left lacks a sense of humor: they’re spending your tax money to get one

The purpose of this announcement is to seek qualified contractors with the capability to provide presentations for The Department of Treasury, Bureau of the Public Debt (BPD), Management Meeting with experience in meeting the objectives as described herein.

The Contractor shall conduct two, 3-hour, Humor in the Workplace programs that will discuss the power of humor in the workplace, the close relationship between humor and stress, and why humor is one of the most important ways that we communicate in business and office life. Participants shall experience demonstrations of cartoons being created on the spot. The contractor shall have the ability to create cartoons on the spot about BPD jobs. The presenter shall refrain from using any foul language during the presentation. This is a business environment and we need the presenter to address a business audience.

Well slap my ass and call me Shirley; I guess those last sentences rule me out. But let’s say I could control my Jersey gutter-snipe tongue; could this be my entry into the World of Government service?

Upon completion of the course, participants shall be able to:

• Understand the importance and power of humor in the workplace in a responsible manner

For example: “Puns” are very responsible, witty humor: A good way to lighten the mood at the next tense UN Security Council meeting would be to casually refer to the Russian Prime Minister as “The French Whore”, which is a light and jocular play on the fact that his name, “Putin”, is a homonym (Sorry! I mean a “lgbtnym”!) for “putain.”

• How to use talents in a creative way that adds humor to everyday experiences

For example: “Ooh Senator Boxer! Pull my finger…”

• Alleviate stress in home and the office

For example: Whoopee cushions should be placed on certain Supreme Court Justices’ seats.

• Know how and why humor is important to communication

For example: In his next speech on health care I’d advise the President to insert this joke as an analogy for the costs of ObamaCare:

A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs. Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.

Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her ‘little accident’ and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. “Good day Ma’am, how may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably she asks, “How much does this rug cost?”

He answers, “Lady if you farted just touching it, you’re gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is.”

I think that will win him the votes he needs.

• Improve work-place relationships

For example: Lines like “If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” are proven winners in the workplace world.

• Prevent burn-out

For example: I would advise that all Government Employee manuals contain “Let’s Not Go Postal!” chapters to help those employees who are feeling “on the edge” from going over it.

I think I’ve got this job in the bank.

Of course, they could always just hire the Junior Senator from Minnesota…

6 Responses to “The Joke’s On Us”

  1. The Blogroll Czar says:

    Whoopee cushions are so yesterday, Mr. Bingley.

  2. JeffS says:

    Time was, humor in the workplace was an accepted practice. These days, not so much. A tasteful practical joke will land you in front of the Equal Opportunity Officer. I’ve seen it happen.

    And now the Gubbermint has to contract out for a sense of humor.

    I’d say that the mind boggles, but the lefties are in charge, so it doesn’t.

  3. ricki says:

    And government-approved humor is not funny.

    How soon before they force everyone to sit in a circle and “laugh heartily” because some knob somewhere read in “Psychology Today” that laughing was supposed to be good for you.

  4. tree hugging sister says:

    ANd you’re not really a “Shirley” type, you know. I hesitate to say WHAT I”d call you.

    But it sure wouldn’t be Shirley.

  5. mojo says:

    Good jobs for snare drum riffsters, too.

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