We Hold These Truths To Be Self-Evident

You have a Right to bacon

None of the Muslim delis I have been to have ever prepared a BLT for me, despite my right to bacon.*

Yeah, you read that right. I have a right to bacon.

See, a right isn’t something given to you by government, or something detailed in the Constitution. You are born with rights and no entity can deny you the free exercise of them.

….And having established my right to bacon, Muslim deli owners have no right to deny me access to a delicious bacon sandwich just because their holy book tells them not to eat it.

They have no right to force their religious beliefs on me. The federal government has a Constitutional obligation to secure my right to bacon, and I think the best way to do this is for Congress to pass a law mandating all restaurants to serve bacon.

I have come to this conclusion using the logic displayed by liberals in the last few months. According to regulations handed down by Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, Americans have a right to contraception, so all insurance providers must provide it without a copay. This means that any religious organization with religious objections to the use of contraception is mandated by force to violate their beliefs and comply with the law.

Apples and oranges, you say? I can’t compare a woman’s health care rights to my love of bacon.

Oh yes I can. See, rights are rights. There is no hierarchy. You don’t say, “Well, this right is more important than that right, so this right takes priority.”

Read the whole thing.

And make mine crispy.

6 Responses to “We Hold These Truths To Be Self-Evident”

  1. Mockingbird says:

    “Give me bacon or I’ll sell your turban on EBAY!”

  2. major dad says:

    Make sure it’s applewood smoked too.

  3. aelfheld says:

    Hold the mayo.

  4. JeffS says:

    Now it’s “beans, bacon, and bullets”, huh?

    Works for me!

  5. Ave says:

    Remember the Somali Muslim city cab drivers who lost their lawsuit against Minneapolis claiming they had the right to refuse transport to passengers carrying alcohol or pepperoni pizza? Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!

  6. BlackDog says:

    Bacon, beer, pepperoni pizza, vodka, whiskey, wine.
    ALL proof that God loves us. And all band by the Koran.
    Makes you wonder

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