All your base are belong to us!


Terminator anyone? Looks like a prior Marine in Atlanta has finally figured out how to make the neighborhood safe at no cost to the taxpayer and no bodily harm to anyone and he’s being sidelined for it. He built the polite, roast headed terminator.

“I cleared out when I saw it,” says Matthew Williams, a 23-year-old who lives in a nearby shelter. “People are starting to get used to it. People leave right when they see it.”

Atlanta police spokeswoman Lisa Keyes says the department hasn’t received any complaints about the Bum Bot but Terrill will risk charges if he intentionally sprays water on someone with the cannon or damages someone’s
property.

So, you’re liable to be sued now if you shoot someone with a supersoaker now? Or only when your large robotic friend shoots someone?

Terrill bought the bar four years ago, plowing his profit from selling an apartment complex into the smoky dive. He named it O’Terrill’s, gave it an Irish theme and decorated it with knickknacks he and his wife, Linda, had lying around.

At first, he walked around, indoors and out, with an assault rifle on his shoulder to scare away vagrants, but police told him to put away the gun. Then he used a spotlight. But the bar was still being vandalized, and guns were stuck in his face several times.

His wife suggested he patrol a safer way — using a robot.

An environmental engineer by day, Terrill gathered the makings of his vigilante for three months. A three-wheel scooter gives the Bum Bot mobility. A home-alarm loudspeaker attached to a walkie-talkie gives it a voice. Its head is a former home meat-smoker. The red lights are from a 1997 Chevrolet, and it’s powered by four car batteries.

Now, I’m sure there are some nice bums, but most bums (at least in the Pensacola area) don’t give two shits for anyone except themselves. Also at some level, it’s your fault they’re a bum: at least that’s what they think. Now you owe all of them money. Hell I got jumped by a bum after coming out of a club at three in the morning going to my car. Twice. Obviously not vietnam vets because their skills in the arts martial were less than amazing, but beating the crap out of someone who’s jumping you is a great destressor. I did rip my favorite jeans though. My feelings for bums, thieves, or other vagrants that use the night for their dastardly deeds do be this: Terminate them. If ya can’t do that, then video tape them and threaten to wet their panties.

12 Responses to “All your base are belong to us!”

  1. Skyler says:

    1. This is hilarious!
    2. Yes, you can get sued for using a squirt gun on someone. You could also be criminally liable for assault. Because it’s generally a petty issue it is not usually done.
    3. What’s really appalling is the way people try to accommodate bums who defecate in public.

  2. Ebola says:

    For assault? With water? You’ve got to be shitting me. That like someone suing me for splashing tap water on them while doing the dishes. Our culture is going down the drain. Bunch of PC paramilitarists, lol.

  3. nightfly says:

    The great thing is that the activists are threatening… wait for it…..
    PROTESTS.
    Whenever I lose hope, a statement like that gives it right back to me. Protests. Look out for Protest Bot! He is environmentally friendly, because he runs on bug farts. He will roll up, hand you a flower, and tilt his head compassionately. Pull his string and he says three phrases:
    “Think of the children!”
    “Hey Hey! Ho Ho! Rhyming chants have got to go!”
    “Don’t tase me, carbon unit!”
    That’s the reason why whiny bureaucratic worms will ultimately fail to take over the world – because they can never throw down when required.

  4. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Ebola, anyone can sue anyone for anything, thanks to our rather lenient litigation laws, and a collection of greedy shysters. That’s why some companies actually offer litigation insurance
    But you’re right, the police response is stunningly stupid. Idiots.

  5. Kate P says:

    ‘Fly, Protest Bot needs rustproofing for the weepy function as well.
    I thought Atlanta was a little more business friendly but I guess not. As for the protestors–now, are these the garden variety ones or the specific cause ones? The militant advocates for the homeless we have up here in Philly are kinda scary. This fella should start working on the Anti-Protest Bot.

  6. ricki says:

    “Don’t tase me, carbon unit!”
    AH hahahahahahahaha!
    That said – I think Bum Bot is a brilliant idea. People should have the right to have PRIVATE property without people loitering on it; if the cops and do-gooders won’t stop it, people should be able to have some way of (nonviolently) fixing things.
    (I wonder if the guy patented it. He could probably make lots of money.)
    The church my parents belong to has tremendous problems with ‘squatters’ on their property trying to break in, leaving trash and broken glass around, and occasionally harassing people coming in for evening meetings. (And literal “squatters,” too: the sexton’s had to clean up human waste on more than one occasion). I’m all for churches helping the down on their luck but it seems some of the homeless go out of their way to spit on the hand that’s trying to feed them.

  7. Gunslinger says:

    “Now, I’m sure there are some nice bums,”
    Only in the movies.

  8. Skyler says:

    Ebola, this is not new. For several hundred years the common law definition of asssault has been, “the intentional infliction of the apprehension of imminent harmful or offensive contact with plaintiff’s person.”
    Getting water splashed on you can be easily considered offensive.
    As for criminal offenses, assault per the model penal code is in one definition, “attempts by physical menace to put another in fear of imminent serious bodily injury.” If the squirtee believes that the water was not simply water, then it could constitute assualt by the model penal code. It’s a stretch by the model penal code. The model penal code is not adopted everywhere.
    But wait, I knew I read this somewhere. The Texas Penal code includes this definition: “Intentionally or knowingly causes physical contact with another person when the person knows or should reasonably believe that the other will regard the contact as offensive or provocative.”
    I don’t know what the laws are in Georgia, but if they’re like Texas it can easily be criminal assault.
    This is not a case of being overly litigious. This is very old law and is how it should be in an ideal government. You don’t want people to be vigilantes, the government is supposed to have a monopoly on the use of force except in an emergency. This is as it should be in our system of government, although I’m not against changing that policy.
    That citizens feel compelled to protect themselves and their property in this way is a shameful indictment of our government’s failure to uphold its primary role, to protect its citizens.
    Patrolling is good. Squirting is funny, but if you really want to push it, he could easily be civilly and criminally liable. This man needs to be careful or he’ll get some serious trouble. He ought to send his bum bot to city hall instead.

  9. Ebola says:

    I find the threat of legal measures against someone defending their own property on their property against people also on their property to be ridiculous and a twist on the original intent of the law. Especially against being hosed…how they figuratively like to hose him for making sure bums and vagrants stay off the property.

    Brings up an interesting question for ya though Skyler: [since ol’ el Roboto carries a camera] if vagrants attempted to harm or destroy el Roboto the Bum Bot on his premesis….would it be legal to nail them to the floor? Also, is the audio threat “move or I’ll call the cops” considerable as assault? Someone might be dodgy on the heart, and who knows what drugs they’ve ingested, lol. “Officer, I Want him arrested, he made noise with the intent to harm!”

    I still think the guy should get a medal for 1) being an evil genius and creating his own dripping doom transmission machine and 2) protecting the neighborhood or even just his own property. And Ricki’s 100% correct, the dude could make some serious cash considering the low budget it sounds like went into this bugger.

  10. nightfly says:

    Skyler – he can’t send the Bum Bot to city hall. Those guys will melt if squirted.

  11. Skyler says:

    It wasn’t clear to me that the bums were on his property. I thought I read that they were along the street. But I don’t think it makes much difference. You can’t use force against someone who is not threatening you. If they’re on your property, you have to be in fear of harm to yourself, if I remember properly. Exams start next week and I can’t justify the time to research that one, though I know I’ve had it in one of my classes.
    There’s a large body of law regarding the use of spring guns and other traps going back to as old as guns are. A spring gun is a gun that is set up with a trip wire in such a way that burglars or trespassers will trip the wire and shoot themselves with the unseen gun. These are and always have been illegal in all common law countries including our own. I’m pretty sure most jurisdictions have statutes banning them as well now. The reasoning is that a child might wander onto the property and be harmed, and additionally, the penalty for trespassing is not death. One can’t impose a death penalty on someone without trial and without even being present.
    Bum bot is not quite a spring gun because it appears to be not autonomous and is actively controlled by the owner, but I would guess some of that logic applies. You can’t go squirting people on the streets with squirt guns. If they’re on your property I’m pretty sure you still can’t do it unless they are causing other damage or injury (but I’m not denying that simple trespass itself is not damage all by itself, because it is).
    Okay, I just rechecked. He’s got the bum bot patrolling all along the street and telling people they are trespassing on other people’s property. He’s probably right that they are trespassing, but unless the owner of the property has said so, it’s not a sure thing, and besides he doesn’t have the right to act against trespassers on other people’s property.
    As for taking action if a bum tries to destroy bum bot: That varies greatly by jurisdiction and even in Texas I’ve seen the black letter law interpreted 180? bassackwards by my criminal law professor on this topic, so there’s no telling what a judge would rule. I would suggest that you be very judicious in the use of force to protect property.

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