I Couldn’t Read This News Item…

…and not pass it along to you, Dear Readers, especially in light of this morning’s news from Ohio:

A senior council manager who claimed he was forced to quit his job after complaining about workplace sex has won his case for unfair dismissal.
Tom McNeil, 52, said he left his Aberdeen City Council job after reporting two colleagues for engaging in sex acts.
He claimed he saw a woman performing a sex act on then director of sport and leisure Brian Woodcock.
Mr McNeil was awarded £26,028. He said it was “absolutely brilliant”.

It is unclear if he was referring to the award or the act…

Lautenberg Retires!

April Fools

U.S. Sen. Frank Lautenberg, (D-N.J.) plans to make it official today: He is running for re-election.
A news conference is scheduled this afternoon in Trenton where Lautenberg will be surrounded by the top brass of the state Democratic Party including Gov. Jon Corzine, party chairman Assemblyman Joseph Cryan, and members of the state’s Congressional delegation.
…Lautenberg, 84, served three six-year terms, retired from the Senate in 2001, then was drafted by his party two years later to succeed Sen. Robert Torricelli, and won a fourth term. If he were re-elected and served another six-year term, he would be 90.

Actually, I guess the “November Fools” are the ones voting for him. When’s the last time anyone heard anything from him?

Just When You’ve Thought You’ve Seen It All

You come upon something like this

(BELLEVUE, OH) — Police say a man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.
Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.
The neighbor — who wishes to remain anonymous — saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole in the umbrella to have sex.
The most recent instance took place March 14, we’re told. A neighbor videotaped Price.

My goodness.

Some Hard Core, Super Stallion


I felt a shiver run up my leg…

11 Words Of Pure Wisdom

And as Allah says, the Best Book Title Evah

A self-help guide called “If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs” has been voted the oddest book title of the year.
The book beat off competition from I Was Tortured By the Pygmy Love Queen to win The Bookseller magazine’s prize.
Cheese Problems Solved took third place in a poll which attracted 8,500 votes.
Joel Rickett, deputy editor of The Bookseller, said of the winner: “So effective is the title that you don’t even need to read the book itself.”
He added that it “makes redundant an entire genre of self-help tomes”.

Hehehe. The comments on Amazon are rather amusing, as well.

What Does 4.3 Billion Pounds Get You These Days?

Not a whole helluva lot, evidently

British Airways admitted that the Terminal 5 chaos is set to last into the weekend as the airline put its hands up to a string of blunders.
The carrier is facing a wave of anger from holiday and business passengers who claim the shambolic launch of the £4.3billion facility is ‘a national humiliation’.

It sounds like the “Keystone Bobbies”

Baggage handlers arriving at the airport for work in the morning found there was only limited parking.
Many were still driving around desperately looking for a space as the first passengers began checking in their luggage.
Arriving late for security screening, handlers then discovered a programming ‘human error’ meant they were unable to log on to the sophisticated computer-operated system.
One insider said bags were only able to be taken from the first incoming flight from Hong Kong because managers mucked in and helped drag them from the plane.
Inadequate training also meant handlers did not know where they were going to take suitcases off the conveyer belts and into the gates.

But at least BA took care of their customers

Leigh Wallace, 25, was flying to Johannesburg, South Africa, where she is meant to be getting married today.
She was forced to stuff her wedding dress into her hand luggage and beg a taxi driver to take the remainder of her belongings back to her flat in Kingston before boarding her flight.
She said: ‘It was terrible, we had no help and no one seemed to know what was going on. Everyone was left to their own devices, things were really chaotic.
‘I had to beg a driver to take my things back to Kingston. I don’t know if there was anyone there to take them, perhaps they were dumped on my doorstep, who knows?’
Robert and Priscilla Greene, both 75, from New Mexico, spent the night sleeping in the arrivals lounge after their bags were lost on a flight from Edinburgh.
Mr Greene said: ‘Other elderly couples slept here too. There is nobody to help us and nobody seems to know what is going on.
‘We spent six hours waiting for our bags until 1.30am. We still haven’t found them but it was too late to go to a hotel because we had to be back at the airport for 5am.

It’s a quagmire at Heathrow!


That’s all I’m saying.
Update: Alright, I can’t resist; I’m weak.

“The last time that I checked a nipple was not a dangerous weapon.”

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Earth Power Hour!

It sounds like some kinky Enviro-pr0n movie from the 70s, doesn’t it? Well, this Saturday our friends in Australia will be turning out the lights for ONE WHOLE HOUR to show how much they CARE about Gaia. Well, actually, our real friends will be trying to use as much power as possible, and we’d like all of you to join them.

“Honey, let me light that cigarette for you!”

Now, I have no idea what time it is here in NJ when it’s 8 pm on Saturday in Sydney (I’m guessing they’ll be well into Monday at that point), but I do know that this Saturday at 8 pm I’ll be making the most Gaia-phobic meal I can think of (and cobble together in a reasonable amount of time) and I hope y’all will join me in doing your part to show how much we appreciate consuming all the varied energy sources she has so kindly provided.

Dinner is served!

Heck, we’ll need to warmenize all we can as the forecast for Saturday night is in the upper 20s, which is well below normal for the end of March.

The Poor Little Thing Who Died During Breast Augmentation Surgery?

The girl on the left was her. 18. Bless her heart.

Judging from the picture, I would have to say her parents were out of their friggin’, permissive, keep-up-with-the-other-tarts minds. You can justify giving in to your daughter all you want because she’s a good kid and sterling student, but DAMN. She wants to look more like the girl on the right? And you let her?
They were out of their minds. It’s inexcusable.

Voices From The Grave

I have the complete Caruso recordings on cd, and I just love the sound of them. They’ve got this spooky, other-world quality about them. plus, i don’t know, I just find it touching to listen to recordings where every person who performed on them is dead, as are damn near anyone who heard them perform live.
Which is why this link that Insta had up today is just too damned cool for words.
Click on the mp3 file and listen to a woman sing…in 1860.

I Mean, Honestly

Italian American Pasta issues shares to pay lawyer

Why so drastic a step? They’ve been defending themselves from accusations of doing the…well…obvious.

…Several shareholders filed suits in 2005 against the company, alleging that its executives and directors had “cooked the books

What else would a pasta company do to them?

Fundamentalism is Islam and Christianity

The bible’s got some really nasty verses, too: even some coming straight out of Jesus mouth[Luke 19:26-27]:

“He replied, ‘I will tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away.But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them — bring them here and kill them in front of me.’ “

Christians ~ and not just American/European Christians ~ have a bad habit of thinking that Jesus was a non-Jewish hippy, with an easy going attitude and a great soul insurance plan.
In the end however, fundamentalist Christians don’t actively pull the Hitler “I must kill everybody” button out like the charming Islamic sects do. Actually, fundamentalist Christians talk a lot of shit and then go back home most of the time.

How To Speak Australian

And boy did it require a lot of Fosters

SYDNEY — A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak “Australian”.
Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.
The orchard worker later called back and said: “Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right, you know.”
Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work.
Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life.

On a completely unrelated note, I have no idea where Ebola was during February.

A Barrelful of Worthy Lessons

..in the economics of oil (courtesy of Crusader). This thoughtful tutorial was spawned by a certain messianic personage’s intentions per oil, as stated in his version of the Dr. Seuss classic, “If I Ran the Zoo

Obama eyes active role in oil markets
Democrat Barack Obama would take an active role in U.S. oil markets as president, tackling concerns about the dominance of large oil companies and eyeing the Strategic Petroleum Reserve as a potential weapon to combat high prices, his top energy adviser said.

Regrets, I Have A Few…

As Eric Idle asks Dan Akroyd in the “Rutles” movie, “what’s it like to be such an asshole?

SANTIAGO, Chile – Finland’s consul in Chile said Wednesday that a tourist from her country “really, really regrets” breaking the earlobe off one of the ancient Maoi statues on Easter Island.
Marko Kulju, 26, is under house arrest on the island after he allegedly ripped off the earlobe of a Maoi on Sunday and was seen taking a piece away as a souvenir after it fell to the ground and broke into pieces.
…”It was a sudden, impulsive crazy idea,” Loflund said. “He is sorry and is surprised that it has caused such a stir.

A photo released by Chilean Investigative Police shows one of the massive Moai statues whose right earlobe was stolen by a Finnish tourist in Easter Island on March 23.

So Marko’s on Easter Island, and on Easter Sunday he decides to break a freakin’ ear off of a priceless statue so he can bring a pebble back to Finland…and he regrets doing it and is surprised that people might be upset?
Well, in the immortal words of Sgt. Johnson in Halo

Cortana: “The message just repeats. ‘Regret, Regret, Regret.'”
Commander Keyes: “Catchy. Any idea what it means?”
Sgt. Johnson: “Dear Humanity… we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!”
Marine Pilots: “Ooh-Rah!”

Now, I Know Lorena Ochoa Is Good

…but she ain’t this good

But Ochoa returned last spring and chased down Norway’s Suzann Pettersen with four birdies in the final three holes, a victory that springboarded her to the No. 1 ranking last April.

Even Tiger couldn’t do that.
Chuck Norris, of course, has done it several times.

Maybe Her Feet Should Not Have Been On The Seat?

I dunno, from my reading of this it seems she is at fault

A dancer who had her toe amputated after a school bus accident has won a payout after suing the coach company.
Kristen Evans reached an out-of-court settlement for an undisclosed amount with Bluebird Buses.
The 18-year-old had part of her toe amputated after it became trapped between seats in September 2005.
…Miss Evans needed an emergency operation after the digit was severed on the way to Perth High School.
Her toe had become caught in the fold-up seat in front of her when someone sat down on it.

From that it seems like she had her feet up on the seat in front of her…like an ill-mannered noodge. I mean, sorry about the toe and all but keep your goldarn feet off of the seats!

Ken May Be A Little Short Cash This Month…

But with all his experience you’d think he’d at least wear it correctly

A 58-year-old man who fed pigeons wearing only a skimpy thong which was back to front has been fined £150.
Neighbours spotted David Batchelor in his street in Perth in the underwear which left his genitals partly exposed.
…When officers had turned up to investigate they found Batchelor still partially dressed and with his flimsy thong on the wrong way round.
…Batchelor claimed he had not seen anyone around, but then confessed he looked at everyone as they went past and the “schoolgirls were bonnie.”

Sad, really, how quickly our elders lose their grip…

Hillary Clinton Piloted Her Jumbo Jet

…to a safe landing in Bosnia today.
Okay. Maybe she didn’t. But she would probably have said she did if she’d thought of it

…The Bosnian episode is a watershed event, because it indelibly brings to mind so many examples of this tendency– from the White House years and, worse, from Hillary Clinton’s take-no-prisoners presidential campaign. Her record as a public person is replete with “misstatements” and elisions and retracted and redacted and revoked assertions…

RIP, Richard Widmark

Dead at 93.
What a career! If my memory serves me right (which it often doesn’t) it was Widmark who said “you dirty rat!” not Cagney (who always denied ever saying it).
See ya’ Granny!

What I’m Drinking And Eating Tonight

Sorry I’ve been so lax about this. As you can imagine, it’s not like I’ve stopped eating and drinking; heck, in fact it’s more like I’ve been eating and drinking too much to post!
Tonight’s first wine is a nice inexpensive Malbec from Argentina

The Diseño is really quite smooth and full-bodied, and for only about $10 is a heck of a buy.
Anyhoo, back to the grub. what i’ve decided to make tonight is chicken breasts stuffed with prosciutto and other yummies. So the first thing to do is to toast the chopped walnuts (1/2 a cup or so) under the broiler

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Proof Positive That Incorrigible Bunnies

…who have no positive influences in their lives, escalate from pre-pubescent petty Presidential provocations…

…and grow into Rampaging Rabbits.

Let the Bunny hit the floor! Let the Bunny hit the floor!

Like Hillary, He Didn’t “Lie”

He just “misspoke”

WASHINGTON (CNN) — A former military aide to President George H.W. Bush, who later became commander of the U.S. 6th Fleet, has been fired for providing “false and misleading” information to the Department of Defense inspector general, the U.S. Navy confirmed Monday.

Oops, maybe that should be changed to “Miss Poke”

Thorp confirmed the inspector general had begun a preliminary investigation into an allegation that Stufflebeem had an “inappropriate relationship” while serving as a military aide to the former president in 1990.

Great News From Wordgirl!

Yet another reason to toast St. Patrick’s Day!

Round Number Reached; Media Inserts Tired Phrase

They really do seem to relish this stuff. Don’t they have a clue how hamfisted this sounds?

Meanwhile, four U.S. soldiers died Sunday night in a roadside bombing in Iraq, military officials reported, bringing the American toll in the 5-year-old war to 4,000 deaths.
…The grim milestone comes less than a week after the fifth anniversary of the start of the war.

We should start playing “Media Buzzword Bingo” like they do in that brilliant IBM ad.

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