Where We Went To Lunch Today

With apologies to Nightfly for not extending an invite, I had the day off and as my Bride missed our last trip to Genos Daughter and I thought it only fitting to end the summer with one last joyful artery-clogging Cheez Whiz-a-thon

We hopped in the car and toodled the 1:45 or so to Philly for some Orange Delight

The cheese steaks were excellent, and the fries unspeakably sublime. But I must add a word of caution. In a fit of manly exuberance I failed to heed this rather clear sign

And put a healthy slathering of sauce on my steak. Well, ‘healthy’ is really not the right word as it damn near killed. Sweet baby jeebus it was nu-kyu-ler.
But damned tasty.

On This Day in 1980

Oh, yeah.

Aug. 31-the Gda?sk agreement
The MKS presidium added an appendix to point four-concerning freedom for political prisoners-with the names of individuals arrested over the previous two weeks. Jagielski stated that they all would be released in 24 hours. At 5 p.m. Wa??sa and Jagielski signed an agreement between the governmental commission and the MKS, which already represented more than 700 factories. This marked the first major success by an independent organization in confrontation with the regime in the whole communist bloc. The Western media wrote of a “historic moment” and Moscow expressed serious concern.

Swill Salute to the Blogfaddah and Lead and Gold.

And Friday ‘Food for Thought’ Photos

…from our drive along US 98. Bay St. Louis, MS lost something like 85% of it’s structures.

What’s left of these houses are about a block and a half from the little bluff that fronts the Gulf.
There’s signs of life already…

Read more »

It’s Been Two Years and We’ve Been Wondering the Same Thing

How long do you get to live someplace else, but still vote in New Orleans?

NAACP Challenges Louisiana Voter Purge
The NAACP filed a civil rights lawsuit Thursday challenging a purge of Louisiana voters believed to have registered in other states following Hurricane Katrina.
In the federal court action, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People contends that the purge has already begun without the necessary pre-approval of the U.S. Department of Justice.
Because of its history of racial discrimination before the passage of the 1965 Voting Rights Act, voting changes in Louisiana and other Southern states must be approved by federal officials.
On June 15, Secretary of State Jay Dardenne announced that his agency was mailing notices to 53,554 voters saying they must give up their registration in other states or risk losing the right to vote in Louisiana. Dardenne said the state had compared Louisiana voter roles with those of other states and identified people with identical names and dates of birth.
Voters were given one month to prove they had canceled their out-of- state registrations. After that, they had to appear in person at their voter registrar’s office with documentation that their non-Louisiana registration had been canceled.
On Aug. 17, election officials said more than 21,192 people had been dropped—the majority from areas hardest hit by Hurricane Katrina. Of those, 6,932 were from Orleans Parish, which was majority black before the storm.

I think the answer is as long as the Nagin and Jefferson types still want to keep their office staff. You can BET Nagin wasn’t elected by people who’d actually returned to the city ~ I’m sure he had a helluva voting block come out of Houston/points beyond. (AND I’ll bet a bunch of those voters are still there.) “All politics AND VOTING is local” is how it should be in New Orleans. If you’re not suffering through the hard times alongside the folks in the city, you don’t need to be casting votes deciding who their elected officials are gonna be.
We were there last month, for the first time since Ivan in 2004. Take this picture, for example. It’s from the window of our room at the Hotel Monteleone on Royal Street. Pretty much the heart of the French Quarter.

The second and third floors of the buildings are empty. And it’s not just that block. They’re almost all empty. It’s like a creepy fantasy village, where most of the street level shops on the main thoroughfares are open (it’s a different story on sidestreets ~ two or three shuttered shops in a row at a time), but the floors above are a facade. People work there…but no one lives there.
We’ve been through devastation here in Bangla-cola and, from personal experience and what we’d seen on the telly, knew in our hearts that NOLA would be back, even though it would be a hundred times harder than our little success story. But now we’ve BEEN there. Now we’ve dropped down on the Irish Bayou side of the Pontchartrain I-10 bridge and SEEN NOTHING the whole way into the city. Miles upon miles of bleak abandoned apartments and condos and housing tracks by the thousands. There’s nothing scarier than the small, derelict amusement park in horror films. Look to your left and there Six Flags sits…rotting. Those massive, empty rollercoasters black against the sky. It’s all still standing ~ all the businesses, buildings, neighborhoods ~ all still standing. But now a ghost town of unimaginable scale. And for it to come back to life, it all has to come down first. UNIMAGINABLE scale. I could not stop the tears. Could. Not. From the interstate, you’ll catch a glimpse of blue tarp, the glimmer of siding from a FEMA trailer, or the flash of TYVEC housewrap from the few intrepid souls trying to put their lives back together, but honestly, all you can think is

WHO is the CRAZY motherfucker out there in the wilderness by themselves?!”

God bless them. Honestly. There are no utilities, no neighbors, no NOTHING. And the desolation runs right up to the back of the Quarter. Locals will sit at the Monteleone bar and ask “Where you from?” and shake your hand and thank you for coming. They will ask every single person in the bar, moving from table to table, stopping to chat, offer suggestions and shaking hands. From the bottom of their hearts.
Really. Before we went, major dad and I thought they’d be fine eventually. Changed, of course. But fine. Like us.
Now we don’t see how and we love that city so much, it’s visceral. The enormity of it washes over you like a big, grey wave and you cannot visualize where they would even start. Even if they had the resources and the talent and the political will and weren’t their own worst enemies, WHERE do they start? WHO starts? Starts WHAT? Sweet Jesus, I wish someone knew, ’cause right now?.
We don’t see how.

You Can Almost Hear Him Choking On These Words

Our Swilling Bud JeffS sent us this article the other day; I’m sure you’ve seen it by now

GENEVA — There are nine guns for every 10 people in the United States, with about 270 million firearms in circulation, according to a report released Tuesday.
Worldwide, civilians now have access to 650 million small arms — from handguns to semiautomatic rifles — an arsenal that far outstrips what is held by police and militaries, according to the annual Small Arms Survey. It estimates that civilians account for about three-fourths of the 875 million such weapons in circulation.
“Civilian holdings of weapons worldwide are much larger than we previously believed,” the director of the Geneva-based group, Keith Krause, told reporters.
But it is the United States that has the heaviest concentration of firearms.

It contains the usual ‘civilians with guns are bad’ sort of blather and statistics, but some of them force Director Krause to say this:

The figures dispel the idea that gun ownership and high levels of violence necessarily go hand in hand, he said.
“There’s no clear relationship between more guns and higher levels of violence,” Krause said, pointing to low ownership and high crime rates in Latin America.

But of course little inconvenient details like “no clear relationship between more guns and higher levels of violence” don’t matter to those who wish to completely disarm us for our own supposed good. Criminals will always have weapons, no matter how many laws are passed to ‘prevent’ it. In the US all the gun control lobby has succeeded in doing is hinder citizens’ ability to defend themselves.

“A Lordship and Titles. Gold. That I Should Become Judas?”

Princess Isabelle: Peace is made in such ways.
William Wallace:

Slaves are made in such ways.

It’s not the only way. I think the Scots could stand to see the movie again.

How Societies Commit Suicide
Scots and Italians surrender to Islam.
In an effort to ensure that no Muslim doctors ever again try to bomb Glasgow Airport, bureaucrats at Glasgow’s public hospitals have decreed that henceforth no staff may eat lunch at their desks or in their offices during the holy month of Ramadan, so that fasting Muslims shall not be offended by the sight or smell of their food. Vending machines will also disappear from the premises during that period.
Apparently the bureaucrats believe that the would-be bombers were demanding sandwich-free offices in Glasgow hospitals during Ramadan. This kind of absurdity is what happens when the highly contestable doctrine of multiculturalism becomes a career opportunity for the semi-educated and otherwise unemployable products of a grossly and otherwise unemployable products of a grossly and unnecessarily swollen university system.

A Swill Salute to Amy Alkon.
And honestly ~ keep telling those MN airport cabbies to piss off.

Greek Fire

Once the secret weapon of the Byzantine Empire it now may be a new weapon in Greek politics

ATHENS — More wildfires broke out and others rekindled Tuesday as anger rose over the government’s handling of catastrophic blazes that have laid waste to vast stretches of the Greek countryside and killed at least 64 people.
The fires are dominating political debate ahead of parliamentary elections set for Sept. 16. Criticism that the government failed to respond quickly enough — and its suggestions that the fires resulted from an organized attack — could hurt Prime Minister Costas Karamanlis.
… The devastation has infuriated Greeks, who already had been stunned by deadly forest fires in June and July and are complaining of an inadequate effort by the conservative government to confront the latest disaster.
The Sept. 16 ballot will be “the elections of rage,” the Athens newspaper To Vima said in a front-page headline.
… The government “has been woefully unable to deal with the major issue of the fires all summer,” said George Papandreou, the main opposition socialist leader. “Unfortunately, it didn’t even manage to save people’s lives, their property and their homes.”
The government’s suggestions that the fires were the result of an organized plan of arson caused confusion and anger.
Public Order Minister Vyron Polydoras implied Sunday that a deliberate plan was in motion.
“We can say that this truly constitutes an asymmetric threat,” he said without offering any specifics. He said the Secret Service and anti-terrorism squad had joined police in investigating the blazes.
Mr. Karamanlis also implied arson was to blame, saying Saturday it could not be coincidence that so many fires broke out simultaneously in different areas.

The Greek Government is strongly implying that these fires are being set around the country by anarchists and socialists ahead of the upcoming elections, a horrific charge and one that really has awful implications for the Government if false and if true is even worse for the Left. It’s one thing to blame others for your bureaucratic bumbling; it’s quite another to kill for electoral gain.

Is Your Science Exam Too Hard?

Well, then I guess you’ve got two options. 1 – Study more. Or 2- Get more multiple choice questions on the test:

Exam boards in England are planning to put more simple questions in science papers, the Times reports.
A document seen by the newspaper says that from next year, some papers should consist of 70% “low demand” questions, instead of the current level of 55%.
The document was prepared by the umbrella group of exam boards, the Joint Council for Qualifications.
There is concern that fewer students are taking science GCSEs, although there was a small upturn this year.
Since 1984, the number of people studying A-level physics has slumped by 57% and the take-up of chemistry has dropped by 28%.
Under the new proposals, exams would contain fewer tough questions requiring detailed answers and more that ask students to tick a multiple-choice box, the Times said.

Sounds like a brilliant plan to improve the quality of English science, it does.
And the students will feel better about themselves, which is really what matters most.

I’d Like To Thank The Academy…

Here at the Swilling we pride ourselves on being Big Tent kinda folks who can’t easily be placed into ideological stalls boxes and we also like to provide You, our Dear Reader, with as complete a Service as twenty bucks will get you these days possible.
With that in mind it gives me utmost joy to announce that in response to Google queers queries on the story below that we rank #3 on a Google search for “how to signal you want gay sex” and #1 for “gay under stall signals”.
My heart is bursting with pride, and I can never thank you enough.

Sniff Sniff Sniff…Something Stinks here

Much like Al Gore, Hillary’s “China Syndrome” problem has nothing to do with lead paint

DALY CITY, Calif. — One of the biggest sources of political donations to Hillary Rodham Clinton is a tiny, lime-green bungalow that lies under the flight path from San Francisco International Airport.
Six members of the Paw family, each listing the house at 41 Shelbourne Ave. as their residence, have donated a combined $45,000 to the Democratic senator from New York since 2005, for her presidential campaign, her Senate re-election last year and her political action committee. In all, the six Paws have donated a total of $200,000 to Democratic candidates since 2005, election records show.
That total ranks the house with residences in Greenwich, Conn., and Manhattan’s Upper East Side among the top addresses to donate to the Democratic presidential front-runner over the past two years, according to an analysis by The Wall Street Journal of donations listed with the Federal Election Commission.
It isn’t obvious how the Paw family is able to afford such political largess. Records show they own a gift shop and live in a 1,280-square-foot house that they recently refinanced for $270,000. William Paw, the 64-year-old head of the household, is a mail carrier with the U.S. Postal Service who earns about $49,000 a year, according to a union representative. Alice Paw, also 64, is a homemaker. The couple’s grown children have jobs ranging from account manager at a software company to “attendance liaison” at a local public high school. One is listed on campaign records as an executive at a mutual fund.
The Paws’ political donations closely track donations made by Norman Hsu, a wealthy New York businessman in the apparel industry who once listed the Paw home as his address, according to public records. Mr. Hsu is one of the top fund-raisers for Mrs. Clinton’s presidential campaign. He has hosted or co-hosted some of her most prominent money-raising events.

And don’t think there aren’t ties to John Huang and the Buddhists in all of this.
Update: Here’s the pertinent info from the link above:

Norman Hsu–a $7,500 check was written on Sioeng
San Wong’s account to Friends of Norman Hsu on March 11,
1995.90 Hsu is a former president of the Chinese-
American Association.

No, I ‘Da Ho!

So Idaho Senator Larry Craig was arrested in Minneapolis for lewd behavior in a men’s room

U.S. Sen. Larry Craig pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct this month after his arrest in a Minneapolis airport men’s room by an undercover officer who said Craig was sending signals that he wanted to have sex.
Craig said Monday his actions were misconstrued by police and that he should not have pleaded guilty to the charges.

Now, I love a good scandal as much as anyone, and a conservative republican getting hooked up in some gay sex solicitation in a public restroom is as juicy as a liberal democrat not wanting windmills 10 miles away blocking the view from his beach house in my book. Bring it on!
But when you read just exactly transpired here it sure seems like there’s a very loose interpretation of what is ‘lewd’ going on here, and frankly I think we need to require a bit more substantial evidence before arresting someone for this behavior:

According to the police reports, a man, later identified as Craig, kept watching the undercover police officer through a crack in the stall. Craig then entered the next-door stall and placed his luggage against the opening under the stall door.
“My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall,” said the officer, Sgt. Dave Karsnia, in the report.

Alright, the ‘kept watching’ bit is odd. As for the rest of it with apologies to Officer Karsnia but my experience has been that individuals taking a dump also place their bags against the opening at the front of the stall because there’s no other place to put them, fer crimminy’s sake.

The report continued: “At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area.”

Oh my God! He tapped his foot while taking a dump! He must want to scoff my chorizo!
“I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot.”
This is the high standards of evidence that Minneapolis holds its police to? Are you kidding me? Do the Minneapolis Vice Police sing “Knock Three Times On The Stall Floor If You Want Me” along with Tony Orlando and Dawn during Talent Night at the Academy?

The report said Craig swiped his hand beneath the stall divider several times, and Karsnia showed his police identification under the stall.

Again, this is odd and weird, and for all I know he was interested in some stinky stall lust. But did he assault the cop? Did he verbally proposition him? No. Did he threaten him? No.
It is ridiculous that someone could be arrested on the basis of this.

What I’m Drinking Tonight

Ho golly, have we got a good one here.

Continuing with Tim’s most excellent ‘go fugly’ advice on Aussie wine advice may I present “Molly Dooker “The Boxer” Shiraz 2006″

A gorgeous deep purklely red in the glass, and the taste is simply divine: a soft sweet plum that finishes with a lot of chocolate. Simply amazing. I think it cost in the mid $20s, but I honestly can’t be sure as the alcohol content is rated a Whoopadeedoopa stunning 16%, and that loverly level over the 2/3s of the bottle that I have consumed so far makes me much more interested in singing along with Beniamino Gigli at a very loud volume.
And as I’m a baritone and he’s the bestest tenor ever, well, it’s a good thing my Bride is drinking too.
Did I mention it was 16% alcohol?

Vick’s Plea Deal

I guess his lawyers looked at Pete Rose and “morality” clauses that NFL contracts must have because his plea deal to my mind effectively kills his career forever

(CNN) — NFL star Michael Vick has admitted that he and two of co-conspirators killed dogs that did not fight well in papers filed Friday with a federal court in Virginia.
NFL star Michael Vick is set to appear in court Monday. A judge will have the final say on a plea deal.
Vick said he would plead guilty to one count of “Conspiracy to Travel in Interstate Commerce in Aid of Unlawful Activities and to Sponsor a Dog in an Animal Fighting Venture” in a plea agreement filed at U.S. District Court in Richmond, Virginia.
The charge is punishable by up to five years in prison, a $250,000 fine, “full restitution, a special assessment and 3 years of supervised release,” the plea deal said.
Federal prosecutors agreed to ask for the low end of the sentencing guidelines.
“The defendant will plead guilty because the defendant is in fact guilty of the charged offense,” the plea agreement said.

Now what his lawyers wanted clear I’m sure was this

In an additional summary of facts, signed by Vick and filed with the agreement, Vick admitted buying pit bulls and the property used for training and fighting the dogs but did not bet on the fights or receive any of the money won.
“Most of the ‘Bad Newz Kennels’ operations and gambling monies were provided by Vick,” the official summary of facts said. Gambling wins were generally split between co-conspirators Tony Taylor, Quanis Phillips and sometimes Purnell Peace, it continued.
“Vick did not gamble by placing side bets on any of the fights. Vick did not receive any of the proceeds from the purses that were won by ‘Bad Newz Kennels.’ “

But I think they were so blinded by fear of gambling allegations that they really didn’t realize the full potential of this

Vick also agreed that “collective efforts” by him and two others caused the deaths of at least six dogs.
Around April, Vick, Peace and Phillips tested some dogs in fighting sessions at Vick’s property in Virginia, the statement said. “Peace, Phillips and Vick agreed to the killing of approximately 6-8 dogs that did not perform well in ‘testing’ sessions at 1915 Moonlight Road and all of those dogs were killed by various methods, including hanging and drowning.
“Vick agrees and stipulates that these dogs all died as a result of the collective efforts of Peace, Phillips and Vick,” the summary said.

You know what? The American Public can forgive womanizing, drinking, hell gambling on games you play, whatever.
But no one will ever forgive a bastard who hangs and drowns dogs because they aren’t vicious enough.
He will never play again.
He will never be a spokesman for anything. Ever.

Now, Hang On a GolDang Second, Here

WASHINGTON – Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton yesterday raised the prospect of a terror attack before next year’s election, warning that it could boost the GOP’s efforts to hold on to the White House.
Discussing the possibility of a new nightmare assault while campaigning in New Hampshire, Clinton also insisted she is the Democratic candidate best equipped to deal with it.

Cue “Howls of Scare Tactic OUTRAGE!!!!
Wait. That would only be if a RePUBLICAN said something like that. Which one did. And then they did. (You know ~ HHOOWWWWWLLLLL.)

Cheney: Wrong Vote Invites Attack
Sees Danger ‘We’ll Get Hit Again’ If Voters Make ‘Wrong Choice’
Vice President Dick Cheney says the United States will risk another terrorist attack if voters make the wrong choice on Election Day, suggesting Sen. John Kerry would follow a pre-Sept. 11 policy of reacting defensively.
“It’s absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on Nov. 2, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we’ll get hit again and we’ll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States,” Cheney told supporters at a town-hall meeting Tuesday.
Democrats reacted quickly.
Dick Cheney’s scare tactics crossed the line today, showing once again that he and George Bush will do anything and say anything to save their jobs,” said a statement issued by vice presidential candidate John Edwards.

But that was 2004 and this is Hillary, so I guess it’s an ass horse of a different color.

For Our Next Entry in the ‘That Blows’ Category

…I give you ‘fish‘ vice the usual dwarf or Congressman.

Puffer fish sold as salmon kills 15, sickens 115

Chinese cans of the spiny little devils coming soon to a shelf near you! Just look for the leaping sock-eye and the word ‘salmon’ on the label.

Trei Tai Pei examines a freshly caught chub salmon netted by local, unemployed Cantonese toy industry workers. “We have turned to the sea for it’s bounty in the difficult times caused by American Imperialist lies,” local toy union boss Wan Hung Lo said Thursday. ©TPI

File This Under “Your Tax Dollars At Work”

Those eagle-eyed protectors of impressionable youth at the FCC strike again

THE call letters KUNT have landed at a yet-unbuilt low-power digital television station in
Wailuku, Maui.
Alarmingly similar to a word the dictionary says is obscene, the call letters were among a
15-page list of new call letters issued by the Federal Communications Commission and
released this week.
The same station owner also received KWTF for a station in Arizona.

Imagine their advertising jingles.

New Jersey

Never has there been a hive of more wretched scum and villainy. It’s seductive, septic noxiousness is now seeping from anesthetized communities already wrapped in it’s malevolent cocoon towards unsuspecting citizens…across state lines.

Town Upset With Police Trip to Hooters
DEERPARK, N.Y. (AP) – A trip to Hooters by a group of off-duty police officers has some leaders of an Orange County community upset because their town was left without local police coverage for the night.
Several off-duty officers, other law enforcement officials and residents went to the restaurant and sports bar 35 miles away in Franklin, N.J., on Thursday, town of Deerpark officials said.

Islamic fascism isn’t the immediate problem, my friends…

More ‘Inconvenient’ Video

Newsweek: Angry Bill Clinton Claim of bin Laden Kill Order Not True
In a famous interview on Fox News last September, Bill Clinton told Chris Wallace he authorized a finding for the CIA to kill Osama bin Laden. “We contracted with people to kill him. I got closer to killing him than anybody has gotten since.” Today, Newsweek’s Michael Isikoff told Andrew Breitbart, guest hosting on the Dennis Miller Show, that the new CIA watchdog report reveals that Clinton’s claim tends to “stretch reality.” The original video clip and the full Isikoff report are in the related links.

Damn, that man waggles his finger more than I guess he should, considering how it turns out to be bullsh*t more times than not.
Make a fist, Bill. Just put it away.

“It’s Not About the View…

…from Ted Kennedy’s porch.”

In HIS world, it is.

What The Bonnie Glenn Wears At The Beach

The Instakilt

Dalbeattie-based Thistle Products – which also produces See You Jimmy hats – launched the Instakilt a month ago.
Since then sales of the tartan beach towel, which doubles as a kilt, have almost outstripped supplies.

I have to order one of these.

Heh. Not that I’m encouraging anyone with some Photoshop Skills to put a certain Puppy Blender’s head on the above picture, mind you…
Update: Thanks Ken!

Feel Free to Order

as much as you like ~ just don’t try this at home. (These people are experts.) It’s for a good cause, it’s good for the earth and I’m sure that Sheryl “One Sheet” Crowe would approve.
Hell, she’s probably out there scooping as I write.

Now, By God, That’s EENUFF!!

Martin Designs Inc. Recalls SpongeBob SquarePants™ Character Address Books and Journals Due to Violation of Lead Paint Standard
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.
Sold at: Retail stores nationwide from June 2006 through July 2007 for about $2.
Manufactured in: China

UPDATE: Oh, thank God. Maybe I can still get one!

Dangerous toys find second life on auction sites
Recalls don’t prevent products from being sold on eBay, elsewhere

When First I Read This, My Immediate Reaction Was…

“BULLsh*t!!” I stand corrected.

Pigeon Dung Examined in Bridge Collapse
… Inspectors began documenting the buildup of pigeon dung on the span near downtown Minneapolis two decades ago. Experts say the corrosive guano deposited all over the Interstate 35W span’s framework helped the steel beams rust faster.

Let’s Play “Tit…

…for Tat”, shall we? You knew this was coming.

China says it has found problems with U.S. soybean exports
This time, China says tainted products are coming from the other side of the Pacific.
After China’s export credibility was battered with recall after recall, China is now saying it’s found pesticides, poisonous weeds and dirt in shipments of imported U.S. soybeans.


Many Years Ago, I Contemplated Living Life

…as a brilliant, talented, drunken, drug addled genius. The common take is that, while someone who is dope FREE might be smart, an equally gifted dope FIEND is intellectually deep by virtue of his habits. I mean, I never wanted to make it to the ‘head in the oven stage’, but to have my tortured writings/paintings/warblings acclaimed by the world and, not coincidentally, filling my empty coffers? I would have enough to live in vast comfort, effect a reversal of my appalling downslide, become a beacon for hope, do good works and attend haute couture shows with first row seating after designers begged me to come. I was so there in my idyllic, girlish dreams. And dreams only. My earnest yearnings for the superficial caché awarded by unfortunate behaviours were swiftly truncated by the bald vanilla-ness of my life, to wit:
a. Talented, yes. But ‘brilliant is as brilliant does’ and I doubt I’d have the energy to convince the general public I was.
b. I never managed to keep pace with my toking peers to begin with, as I’m violently allergic to pot. That put a serious crimp in my high school years, not to mention my fledgling career as an addict. What a slacker.
c. When in that first flush of youth, drinking is relatively inexpensive if you’re blonde and willing to accept the charity of strange men other revelers. (I know, I know. “WHAT a calculating BITCH!”) But while I do less of it every year (more’s the pity), the quality’s significantly better, so it evens out. Like the fudge brownie/Diet Coke formula.
d. Even cheap drugs cost money and I would rather have shoes. (How shallow is that?) (It’s NOT. It’s common sense.)
e. My luck sucks. If I were in a squalid crack house hidden amongst twentyfive other drug addicts, the cops would invariably, inexorably and inevitably choose only me to haul off, stepping over (and dragging me across) the supine and unarrested multitude of bodies covering the floor.
It’s the way my life is and I’ve come to accept it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not just a teensy bit envious of those who never seem to run out of breaks

Cocaine charges against Lohan may be dropped
If they are dropped, she will only face misdemeanor drunk-driving charges
The Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office is disinclined to charge Lindsay Lohan with three drug-related felonies…

If it was me, days later they’d still be coming out with the charging matrix asking, “Can we get her for this, too?”
Damn. I would have made such a GOOD bad girl.

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