Hurricane Preparation Tips So Your Humble Abode Won’t Blow Away: From Acknowledged Hurricane Experts

…us.

*2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019  2020 2021 “Here We Go Again” Edition*

major dad and I are veterans of major Hurricanes Bertha, Fran, Ivan and Dennis (along with others less significant in damage for us – like Hurricane Sally on Ivan’s 16th anniversary last year – but worth preparing for). Thanks to Irene and Super Storm Sandy visiting brother Bingley, I thought I would offer up what’s worked for us in terms of preparation, both food-wise, house-wise PLUS some of the things folks don’t know about, that make life bearable if those winds of almost-September come early. I hope you’ll find something that you didn’t know before. (And please feel free to visit our previous posts afterwards for the EXCELLENT COMMENTS.) First up is the heavy lifting.

1: Shopping list suggestions for tonight/assoonasyoufreakincan is up underneath the board pictures.

2: And our “WHAT TO DO TO GET INSIDE READY” is posted at the bottom of it all, so now we have our experience covered completely, soup to nuts: food/supply shopping, to board up, to getting the inside of the house set. Make lists. Don’t trust yourself to remember everything you need and/or want to do. Write it all down. I do, every time. I hope the ‘all in one place’ format is proving helpful and PLEASE don’t hesitate to comment or email questions if you have any at all. thsister-at-gmail-dot-com

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Full disclosure. For Bertha and Fran in NC (Cat 2 and 3, 56 days apart in ’96), we only lived 10 miles inland, were on the eastern side of the storm both times (translation: got beat all to hell), never boarded up and did just fine. The most important thing we did, and have always done, is CLEAR THE AREA OF POTENTIAL FLYING OBJECTS. Anything and everything in our yard AND the neighborhood that could be turned into a missile (including that 100lb garden pot you don’t think can fly…it can), goes into the garage. Bertha came in during the daytime and, along around noon, we got to watch the neighbor’s metal shed explode and fly through our backyard at about 110 mph. That was the only thing we couldn’t control that day that went walkabout, and it would have killed someone if the wind hadn’t been parallel to the house.

BOARDING UP: If you want to board up, this is how we did it (In Pensacola, ’04 for Hurricane Ivan). (Now, there are terrific Plylox Hurricane Clips available, which will save you step #2, if you can find them. Be prepared ~ they’re a bitch to get them on the house, but they’re simple and great*.) They were all sold out when we hit Lowe’s, pre-Ivan.

Be prepared ~ NONE of this is cheap. BUT. The peace of mind is ENORMOUS. Plus, you’re so pooped from the effort, not to mention standing in line for supplies, that you sleep soundly. Measure and KNOW WHAT YOU NEED BEFORE YOU GET THERE. Be ready to make quick adjustments for what’s left on the shelves.

1) Don’t screw with anything less than 1/2 inch plywood, REAL plywood. (That’s assuming there’s any left when you get to Home Depot. We used 3/4″.) Cut to fit flush INSIDE the windowframe. (We used two pieces here. Shaved the edge off a 5′ by 8′ full sheet and then a smaller piece to cover completely to the top of the window, hence, if you squint, you’ll notice a seam in the plywood about 3/4 of the way up.)

2) What’s going to hold those boards in place are 1 x 4’s on either side, snugged up tight against the plywood, cut to the height of the window, drilled into the frame from the side and held in with hex top TapCon screws, because of the masonry. I think we had a max of 5 screws per side.

* Handy Tip: The Squid Terrorist actually drilled through his clips and screwed them to the plywood sheets before attempting to pop them into the windows. Saves a ton of frustration.

And in 2005, right after Rita went overhead on her way to Louisiana, we upgraded to aluminum shutters all around.

2021 Update: Also new to our weather arsenal this year are this self inflating polypropylene flood barriers – basically FAUX sand bags you preposition so that, when they get WET, they blow up and do the work sandbags normally would. Got the 17′ one, plus a bag of the 6 sand bag size ones to plug holes with for our garage. We’ve got saturated ground around here right now. No place for any more water to go, and THAT’S when our garage floods.

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CHECK ON YOUR NEIGHBORS: See what their plans are (Do they HAVE any?! Do they need to GET MOVING…?!), can you all work together, help each other out, etc…. That neighborhood coordination is precious.

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Alright, shopping time.

IMHO and hard won experience, these are stores every single household should have (and you may already have much of it). Use your brain, based on the number and age of folks in your household.
Remember you are going to be HOT, cranky and exerting yourself in the aftermath if, GOD FORBID, the thing smacks you good.
Think of preparing for this as a picnic on crack. Take a good hard look at what you already have on your shelves first, add or subtract according to what you have on hand vs your particular needs/family’s tastes and then…

A Few Days PRIOR (three days out may be TOO LATE to find everything):

3 gallons BOTTLED water per person (for 3 days) minimum (WATERBOB is a GREAT addition)
enough prescription medication to get you through 10 DAYS (90 days is OPTIMUM) if you take any
canned tuna/chicken/SPAM/shelf stable meats
those damned nasty vienna snausages
canned chili
beenie weenies
canned soups like “chunky” that don’t need water added
mayo/mustard/ketchup
bread (Get the one with the FURTHEST OUT SHELF DATE)
canned vegetables, like green beans or baby peas
kraft macaroni and Velveeta cheese in a box with squeezy cheesy (saves     ingredients/clean-up)
dry snackable cereal (like Cheerios, MiniWheats etc – they make a great snack when you’re just looking to mindless munch)
instant oatmeal
squeezy cheese
large jar(s) peanut butter
large jar(s) jelly
various boxes of crackers
instant coffee or tea
coffemate, dry milk or shelf stable milk
sugar, salt, pepper
juice boxes
instant potatoes (like a BIG box of “Potato Buds”)
whatever fresh fruit your family enjoys
butter or (gulp) margarine
dogfood/catfood/kitty litter if you have furry family members besides, well…
snacks and chips
canned/plastic jarred fruits, like cocktail or peaches
pudding cups
dish detergent
antiseptic hand soap
disinfecting wipes
paper towels
paper napkins
plastic utensils (forks, knives,spoons)
paper plates
plastic trash bags
ZIPLOCK baggies, QT and GAL
DUCT tape
boxes of wooden matches, sealed in ziplock bag
MANUAL CAN OPENER
BABY FOOD, BABY FORMULA (If the formula is powdered, WATER TO MAKE IT), DISPOSABLE DIAPERS/WIPES, CLEAN/DISPOSABLE BOTTLES & NIPPLES
large candles (and NOT stinky ones) ~WITH a GAS LEAK, CANDLES CAN BE BAD. **SITUATIONAL AWARENESS**       KNOW what’s going on~
bug spray, both yard and personal
A BATTERY OPERATED RADIO (that voice in the dark from the local TV station will be your BEST FRIEND, trust me.) They make them now w/ additional hand cranks.
LARGE BATTERY OPERATED LIGHTS that will sit independently (hard to go to a dark bathroom holding a flashlight)
small flashlights
LED poplights or lanterns are great
BATTERIES and SPARES that fit EVERY SINGLE THING YOU NEED BATTERIES FOR!!! (THIS is a GREAT NEW Portable Flashlight/Jump Starter/Power Source)
FILL YOUR PROPANE CANISTER NOW (if you are on a direct gas hook-up, get a charcoal grill)
3 bags of charcoal (wrapped and taped in heavy duty plastic bags)
cans of lighter fluid for the charcoal
CASH (ATMs take electricity, so do credit card machines at registers)
CAR CHARGER for cell phones (ours were worthless during Ivan but I’ve heard they’ve come a long way, tower-wise…)
One old-fashioned TIRE REPAIR KIT and, additionally, one can of RUN-FLAT per vehicle, IN each vehicle
BIG COOLERS for the ice (and the stuff that’ll come out of that fridge)
FIRST AID KIT which I bolster with additional Ace bandages, BandAids of every size and description, sterile wraps, tapes, Neosporin, hydrocortizone, anti-histimine pills, aspirin etc.
Little Coleman propane tanks, if you have camping stoves or lights (as always, to be USED ONLY OUTSIDE AFTERWARDS…DUH)
Old fashioned board games, playing cards, Mille Bornes, Yahtzee, books (especially with wired little ones)

Hold off on ice until the latest you possibly can, which is why it’s NOT on the “go after work TONIGHT” list.
TOP YOUR GAS TANKS off WHILE/WHENEVER YOU CAN. You all will have to fight a ton more people at the last second, as well as the very REAL possibility of GAS SHORTAGES prior TO/for a while AFTER ANY STORM. Then, don’t go places you don’t need to.

*DIRECT plug-in phone like a Princess type, if you have a PHONE COMPANY landline. Your multiple remote handset phone will not work when the power goes out, and your old fashioned one may very well get a call out on the substation batteries. See below.

(That’s dogfood double-wrapped in the plastic bags and Miller Light for the Squid Terrorist -our infamous next-door neighbor- to keep the generator running…)

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When you’re ready to close the house up,
LOCK YOUR GARAGE DOORS DOWN. If you don’t park in your garage, PULL YOUR CARS SNUG UP TO THE DOORS. They provide the most excellent wind baffle you can imagine and, considering the further up the East Coast you go, the less the doors are reinforced like ours here in the Panhandle, you will NEED every little bit of wind mitigation you can muster. Your car insurance will take care of whatever said named storm does to the vehicle.

This is doubly important because, contrary to the old wives tale about “equalizing pressure’, if those winds get into your garage? Not only do they start tearing the garage to bits, they start LIFTING YOUR ROOF OFF. And then your whole house is a goner. The only house in our neighborhood to have the roof blown to bits during the 140mph+ gusts of Ivan was the ONE home where the owner had the garage door “cracked” opened to “relieve the pressure”. Derp.

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*What to Do Inside*

Get Your Important “Stuff” Together

Your papers, diplomas, etc. All those things that make your life identifiable? Those things you would rush out of a burning building with? If they’re not already in one place together, get them together NOW. And add one more thing ~ a copy of a utility bill, like electric or phone. If, God forbid, you have to evacuate and they work it like they do down here, that address on your driver’s license WILL NOT BE SUFFICIENT PROOF OF YOUR RESIDENCY. You HAVE to have a utility bill with THAT address and YOUR name in your possession to return to your home. Period. (Great evacuation tips here in the comments.)

Have a “plan”. WHO are you going to call when it’s over, WHO knows where all your stuff is if, God forbid, something happens. If you get separated, have a meet-up location agreed to in advance. In our family, it’s Bingster and me tag-teaming. He has all our info for both sides of the family (including Kcruella). When the batteries on the landline substations were still working the morning after Ivan, I got a call out to him, and that’s how everyone else knew we were okay. AT&T screwed the pooch cell-phone-wise here, so we have KEPT our landline, in spite of everything, until this year. *sniffle* Yeah, it’s finally gone.$75 mth that only telemarketers called – can’t do it. We’ll see how 4/5G advances in cell technology pay off. I also have blankets for smoke signals.

What to Do With Important “Stuff”

You all will laugh, but I double plastic bag it, duct tape it…and put it in the dishwasher, then latch the thing shut and tape over the entire front control panel. It’s waterproof and even if one of those spin-up tornados takes a chunk of the roof, the documents of my life are going nowhere, because they’re bolted under the counter and DRY. Other middlin’ precious things I double bag up as well and stash in a rack-free self-cleaning oven and the dryer (duct-taping the door of that shut).

Potable Water

Make sure every single water toting vessel is clean and filled with filtered (if you can) water, from the sun-tea jar to the ancient Igloo softball cooler, to tea kettle, and all the pitchers in between. This augments the bottled water on your list, and is the FIRST water you use. (Make sure it’s COVERED to keep out bugs/dust.) As well, EVERY POT is filled to the brim with tap water for use as either coffee/tea/mac ‘n cheese makings or wash/rinse water, as well as pet drinking water. All that’s staged on the kitchen counters.

Get ALL Your Laundry Done

You can run out of underwear FAST and blow through some serious t-shirts clearing flotsom. Plus, the second the last load is out of the washer, fill it up on it’s largest setting with cold water and STOP it. Voilà. Another source of water for rinse/washing. (The washing machine also makes an EXCELLENT ice cooler if you are space challenged, trust me. Fill it with THAT instead. Cover ice with plastic bags and towels for additional insulation.)

Bathrooms

Scrub EVERY tub SPARKLING With a bleach based cleaner. We use a piece of saran wrap over the stopper, then plug it to make absolutely sure there’s NO leakage, then FILL THAT SUCKER UP. This becomes both relatively clean water to dip out for a sink sponge bath AND the ALL IMPORTANT FLUSH THE TOILET water. (And is ONLY used for…well, not tinkling.) Speaking of which, it doesn’t hurt to have a “Tidy Bowl” beforehand, if there’s a chance the power might be out for DAYS, if you get my drift…
Now, you may get lucky and have a trickle of water like we did after Fran, but the water company may beg you not to use it, because they’re trying to find leaks, or it’s not potable or whatever. (Another reason to HAVE A REAL RADIO: PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE)

GIVE YOUR PETS AMPLE OPPORTUNITIES TO “DO THEIR BUSINESS”. Once the front door shuts on the howling outside, it’s shut for GOOD. If it comes in during the day, we make meals a tad lighter and earlier than usual. The Scotties and Labradors always seemed to know something big was on the way, and their systems have responded accordingly, but, let’s face it: when you gotta go, you gotta go. So don’t force the poor things into that position in the first place. Plenty of available water, but schmaybe that big dinner/breakfast isn’t necessary, okay? Feed them when it’s blown over.

LOCAL RADIO STATIONS (as well as simulcasts from local TV channels or your local university Public Radio) WILL BE YOUR BEST SOURCE OF WEATHER INFO for your area, not to mention what’s happening as the storm whirls overhead. John Ed Thompson out of Fox10, Mobile, AL is a GOD in our household for what he did during Ivan. At 3 in the morning, when ~ to quote the Squid Terrorist on the walkie talkie from next door ~ it “Sounds like the Devil’s trying to beat my front door down! I’m fixin’ to nail 2×4’s over it and, if that doesn’t work, I’m breaking apart the china cabinet to use IT!” It will be friendly voices in the dark, going through the SAME THING YOU ARE, WHERE you are and you’ll know about hazards/news pertinent to YOUR area (bridges out, electric crews on the way, boil water advisories) that simply WILL NOT be available on that NOAA stream. Plus, we have learned something new and incredibly helpful from callers to the station every single storm that could conceivably save lives or property.

As for just a weather radio I’m torn on that one. They do come in handy for a constant stream of information, BUT they also tend to be for a LARGE general area, and wear on the nerves after a while, since it’s a constant stream of computer voiced info, occasionally punctuated by earsplitting alarms that MAY/MAY NOT have anything to do with YOU. If you can have only one radio going, get one that has BOTH (we do!). It’s a Midland that has the NOAA feeds/alerts on bands, as well as AM/FM, plus a hand crank, in addition to regular battery AND plug-in. DOES IT ALL!

I canNOT stress enough: Your BEST information for YOUR local area will be your LOCAL radio stations, public or otherwise. KNOW AHEAD OF TIME: Spin that dial, find the ones that have affiliations with your local TV stations’ Weather/News programs and head directly for them when the shit hits the fan.

Creature Comforts

While you’re busy as a bee, I always, ALWAYS recommend setting the thermostat on your A/C (while you have it) as LOW AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY STAND IT.

As in MEATLOCKER. Wearing SWEATS IN AUGUST cold. “But, ths, why?” you ask.

Because the second that power goes out and ALL those anxious people are still in your house in August breathing?

That temp is going to climb and F.A.S.T. And it will suck so bad.

And you will still have HOURS of storm to go, and schmaybe days without power. You’ll thank me.

The Refrigerator

We were sort of old school with this. As I told Bingley in the comments, this is what we’ve always done, and ONLY works with a mostly FULL FREEZER. Once we’ve gotten ice ~ usually three to four of the big coolers’ worth, then three stacked on each other, on a beach towel, covered with garbage bags, then blankets for insulation ~ we already have inventoried the fridge itself. When the power starts going dodgey, we’ll transfer all the perishables out of the fridge to the lone ice chest (milk, BACON, eggs, half & half, etc.) and shut the door FOR GOOD. That’s IT. No peeking, no forgetting, no going in for something ~ you want the fridge to cool completely back down. When the power finally gives up the ghost, we throw unopened, big plastic garbage bags over the whole fridge, then cover that with packing blankets or whatever you have. Wrap some duct tape around it and keep your paws off. Believe or not, that will keep all but the flimsiest frozen goods rock solid for at about three days. If you don’t have power by then, you can start defrosting stuff and eating it. *NEVER eat anything that’s partially thawed. Throw it out. (*CHECK FOR THIS THE SECOND THE POWER COMES BACK ON as well, or it’ll refreeze and you could easily get sick from it later, and be clueless why. Don’t take the chance.)

With your ice chests, just break them out as you need them, always keeping the extras covered. We had ice for a week and a half after Ivan doing it this way, and thank goodness. (The stack worked out great against the door when the winds were threatening to blow it in. Dual purpose! And good times…)

There is NOTHING like the comfort of knowing you did everything you could possibly do to prepare. It’s out of your hands from that point forward.

Have a cocktail.

It’s amazing how many knuckleheads who evacuated and watched the whole damn thing on TV came home empty handed, small children in tow no less! We were living like refugees and had to give THEM supplies.

DO NOT RUN OUTSIDE THE SECOND THE WIND SORT OF DIES DOWN

Trees will still be falling. On your gourd.

DO NOT GO LOLLYGAGGING AROUND AFTERWARD TO “SEE”

No electricity TO RUN GAS STATION PUMPS – do NOT WASTE GAS on sightseeing what may turn out to be your last tank of petrol for WEEKS! No electricity TO RUN STOP LIGHTS. LIVE ELECTRICAL WIRES LAYING EVERYWHERE Flat tires upon multiple flat tires.

IT’S ANARCHY. STAY HOME.

Whip you up some coffee, scrambled eggs, and lovely applewood smoked bacon sammiches on the Weber gas grill, like we’ve done the morning after EVERY hurricane.

It’s a good thing.

©2021 Coalition of the Swilling

Happy Anniversary My Dear Bride

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CRUSADER!!

You old man, you!

Happy 4th of July!!!

God bless the Founding Fathers, their courage, and the courage of everyone who stood with them to break free, and leave us this marvelous country. This beacon of freedom, liberty, opportunity, and happiness that draws people from all over the world at this very moment.

Hold fast.

Memorial Day 2021

We remember.

And we miss you terribly, SSG John.

God bless them, EVERY. ONE.

God bless America.

Suspect in Little Old Asian Lady Beating Nabbed

And in possibly the GREATEST SURPRISE EH-VAH? There’s a twist!

The white supremacist arrested for viciously attacking the elderly Asian lady was out on parole for…wait for itKILLING HIS MUMMY.

In April 2002, Elliot was charged with murder for using a kitchen knife to stab his mother, Bridget Johnson in the chest three times in their East 224th Street home in the Bronx, according to previous reports.

The deadly attack took place in front of Elliot’s 5-year-old sister, sources told The Post. It’s unclear what led to the slaying.

Johnson, 42, died a couple of days later. 

Elliot was convicted of murder and sentenced to 15 years-to-life in prison and was released on parole in November 2019, state corrections records show.

Hey. Only white people are routinely let out on parole for things like that, you know? So whadda you expect?

Oh Sure, Sign Me Up

So Gergle has “updated” their Nest device so it will now not only listen in on everything you say but also track your movements…to “help” you sleep better.

I’ll pass, thanks.

More of: Life With ths

Today turned into your typical casa de major dad day just about that fast. Part disaster, part seat-of-our-pants luck.

The terrific guys who redid all our ductwork 3 weeks ago or so were back today to blow insulation. We’d debated spending yet another grand+ after the $$$gulps ducting, but, considering we’re losing the hurricane hove-up shade trees in the back/that roof is gonna BAKE this summer, it was a painful-but-easy call. AND…a lucky one.

They got up there to find that RATS had ALREADY eaten through one of the BRAND NEW TRUNK LINES, and they were able to fix it before they started doing the insulation. Holy smokes.? Close call. We would have NEVER known.

Anchor was able to get our buddy Nick out here an hour later, with an armload of traps and glue pads? so we can finally nail those beady-eyed bastards.

Corporate policy change: outside ferals are going to see a kibble/canned food reduction, effective immediately. They are OBVIOUSLY NOT earning their keep, paw our signed agreement.? It’s like everyone wants a handout for subpar effort nowadays.

In other household observations, sometimes it pays to just sit back and wait for life to settle down a tad…

Now.

I’m going to make brownies, and ice the CRAP out of them.

Another Whingy Princess

…gets hoisted on her own MEAN GIRL petard.

Thank God for the few on-air personalities like Tucker who call these beeches out for what they are.

MORE of that, please.

Coalition Book Club

The “disjointed disappointment” was a real slog of an effort called “Independence Lost: Lives on the Edge of the American Revolution.” I REALLY had high hopes for it – and, quite honestly, it was filled to the BRIM with good stuff – but, LORD, was it hard to get through, not to mention had some pretty off-the-wall mistakes in it. (And DON’T call us “Pensacolans.” We are “Pensacolians,” ffs.) (Grrrrr.)

Anyways, always willing to give it another go. I will let you all know what I think in a bit, because I’m not yet halfway through THIS…

…and it’s a brick.

But WHAT a READ.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Paying off mismanaged Blue State deficits.

“Ok. Thanks to @SenSchumer NYS budget deficit for this year is…..Zero, nada, niete, zilch (NY terms),” Schumer spokesman Angelo Roefaro tweeted.

The American Rescue Plan provides state government coffers with $12.6 billion in unrestricted aid, a measure championed by Schumer, the New York senior senator. The measure passed the Senate in a 50-49 vote and is expected to clear the Democratic-led House of Representatives on Tuesday and delivered to President Biden for approval.

Asked if the geyser of pandemic relief eliminates the needs for tax hikes or spending cuts, Roefaro told The Post, “the statement speaks for itself.”

And all this time you thought it was “COVID relief,” you silly, trusting person.

A “GEYSER” of YOUR MONEY for New York. NEW effing YORK.

Anybody REALLY mad yet?

UPDATE: But WAIT!! THERE’S MORE!!

We get to pay for shithole San Francisco, too!!

We Know Who Has the Cudgel

Suzette Nails It

“Please may I have my pudding now?”

RIP Allan McDonald

#hero Courage personified.

McDonald directed the booster rocket project at NASA contractor Morton Thiokol. He was responsible for the two massive rockets, filled with explosive fuel, which lifted space shuttles skyward. He was at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida for the launch of the Challenger “…to approve or disapprove a launch if something came up,” he told me in 2016, 30 years after Challenger exploded.

His job was to sign and submit an official form. Sign the form, he believed, and he’d risk the lives of the seven astronauts set to board the spacecraft the next morning. Refuse to sign, and he’d risk his job, his career, and the good life he’d built for his wife and four children.

“And I made the smartest decision I ever made in my lifetime,” McDonald told me. “I refused to sign it. I just thought we were taking risks we shouldn’t be taking.”

Rib Tickling

Dinner was, anyway.

Put major dad to work last night. Pecan and hickory smoked Memphis style, dry rub babyback ribs, box macaroni, fennel salad.

DAWG

Hoppy Burfday To The Bestest Sister EVUH

THS!!!

THS!!!

Happy Birthday THS!!!

It’s the Weekend

And it sure looks like we’ve got a #FREEDOM revolt breaking out.

Fridays are great for dumping news they don’t want other people to hear.

#FloridaMan proud to lead the #FREEDOM way.

WHO Are the Haters

NOW?

Biden should have to wear his shame like a scarlet letter on his jammies.

Big Tent Party

WHO says we’re not inclusive?

More of: Life With ths

If anyone was startled by the sound of a man howling something in the middle of the street last night, I apologize.

It was my husband.

The neighbors had moved out, and left their ghastly birdbath – which I had LONG coveted – ON. THE. CURB.???

I saw it sitting there, in pieces, forlornly gracing the side of the road just a smidge after 9 as we were walking Maggie.

“Puta madre! I MUST HAVE IT!?

major dad. ?“Oh, HELL, no.”

On the way back, I snatched up the top piece – a lifelike sculptural representation of two doves, cooing lovingly at each other (Kinda like me and him, no? Okay, no.), and hoofed it home, ALL THE WHILE listening to “WE’RE NOT TAKING THAT.”? I was prepared to go it alone, as always.? “I’ll get the dolly. Never you mind.”

So, well, he gets the car (??), we pop down the street, and hoist the remaining two (what seem like 70 lbs a piece?) sections into the trunk. And, before closing said lid, he throws his arms to the sky and wails.

I MARRIED FRED SANDFORD!!!!?

Like I said, sorry.????

Man. That birdbath is SO ugly, it’s bitchin’. #score

UPDATE: Since certain people in the comments can’t leave well enough alone…

Coo Coo Kachoo

Dinner Last Night

For dinner last night, grilled herb pork chops, box stuffing and avocado salad.

major dad has got the pork chop perfection thing NAILED, lemme tell you.

Dessert was a choice of sour orange pie, or toasted sourdough maple walnut bread, LOTS of buddah.?

ROLL me over, Beethoven!

Honestly – it’s the only way I got off the couch last night. #PuercaGorda

When You Shoot Yourself in the Foot

Democrats have passed a complete abomination, and Leftists are rushing to defend it.

Although the concept and rhetoric is earnest and high flown, they’re not really thinking it through when they do…

It seems to…”circle back,” shall we say…and bite them.

UPDATE: *sigh*

I’m going to call this “A Progressive Tragedy in Three Movements.”

*cue sad music

Kittehs

Pirate kittehs.

How Bad Off Is Joe Biden?

We used to call THIS

…”getting the YANK.”

Confidence inspiring, no?

No.

Oh Somehow I Don’t Think This Is The First Time

Hillary has written quite a lot of fiction before.

But, hey, at this point what does it matter?

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