Note to Self:

Fat-free cream cheese sucks.

categories Swill Food and Grog | | datetime May 7, 2009 9:01 am

24 Responses to “Note to Self:”

  1. Robb Allen says:
    May 7, 2009 at 9:15 am

    Neufchâtel. Tastes fine and is lower in fat (so, not fat free)

  2. wunderkraut says:
    May 7, 2009 at 9:15 am

    Fat free anything sucks….
    Sorry you had to learn the hard way 🙁

  3. tree hugging sister says:
    May 7, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Honestly, Robb, that’s what I always get. Love it. And just frickin’ LOST MY BRAIN yesterday at the commissary. Like, “How bad can it be?”
    That answer’s “BAD” for $5, Alex.

  4. mojo says:
    May 7, 2009 at 10:44 am

    Fat-free cheese is like alcohol-free beer.
    Sure, you can do it, but why?

  5. Leigh says:
    May 7, 2009 at 11:32 am

    Idly wondering what the difference is between neufchatel and cream cheese, I found this site, where I learned that (a) cultured and “old fashioned” buttermilk are two different things; ricotta (“recooked”) is made from the whey leftover from cheesemaking, and mozzarella is made by melting fresh curds in their whey. Oh, and neufchatel (the unaged, uncrumbly American type) and cream cheese are made pretty much the same way, except cream cheese has, uh, cream in it.
    I’ve made my own panir for years, Indian restaurants being AFAIK nonexistent in this area. But now I’m thinking I should give making other fresh cheeses a shot.

  6. ricki says:
    May 7, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    neufchatel is really pretty good. But yeah, the fat free cream cheese is atrocious and not worth eating.
    I’m coming to think that anything where they replace the fat with ‘gums’ probably isn’t worth eating.
    (The stuff they use to make “fat free cream cheese” fat free? The stuff the Mythbusters were swimming in last night. Guar gum.)

  7. Julie says:
    May 7, 2009 at 12:38 pm

    Yes, it does suck, especially the H-E-B brand.

  8. tree hugging sister says:
    May 7, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    Curds and whey ~ “Along came a spider, sat down beside her…and Leigh smashed it into hummus.”
    Vile stuff, ricki.
    VILE.

  9. Teresa says:
    May 7, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    I have to agree with mojo… although I’m not sure how cheese is made without fat since the basis of cheese IS the milk fat. Heh. So if you take away the main ingredient – how do you get cheese in the end?
    Still it all sounds nasty and I’m sorry you ended up even having to take a bite of it. Ick!

  10. Gunslinger says:
    May 7, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    Fat free cream cheese = tofu.
    A pencil eraser is more appetizing.

  11. kae says:
    May 7, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    Fat free. Sugar free. Flavour free.
    Pair fat free and sugar free and you get… I’d rather not, thanks all the same.

  12. Leigh says:
    May 7, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    the basis of cheese IS the milk fat.
    It’s the protein (casein), not the fat. (Parmigiano Reggiano, for example, is made from skim milk.)
    The stuff they use to make “fat free cream cheese” fat free? The stuff the Mythbusters were swimming in last night. Guar gum.
    Eww, it’s from beans! And carageenan’s just a euphemism for seaweed! Soylent Green!!!11!!
    Look, I don’t care for fat-free cream cheese either. But let’s be reasonable here. There’s less guar/xanthan gum in nonfat cream cheese than there is cornstarch in pudding. It’s like agar – doesn’t take much.
    The main difference with nonfat cream cheese seems to be that it’s made with skim milk concentrate rather than whole milk + cream, and the whey’s not separated out (which, along with the lack of fat which would congeal on refrigeration, appears to be why it requires a thickener).

  13. tree hugging sister says:
    May 7, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    Oh, you’re KILLING me, Leigh. Mercy, MERCY, for God’s sake!! Enough research, girlfriend!
    BLEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. Ebola says:
    May 7, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    So attempting not to drop into delinquent humor here. I’ll see if I can keep quiet. Mother, you should know better. 😛

  15. kcruella says:
    May 7, 2009 at 11:12 pm

    Light sour cream is also very evil

  16. Jim - PRS says:
    May 8, 2009 at 3:08 am

    I heard someone order decaffeinated espresso.
    What’s the point?

  17. Val Prieto says:
    May 8, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    Q and A, with Dr. Val:
    Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap
    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A:You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO? Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!
    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

  18. Mr. Bingley says:
    May 8, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    Dr. Val, could you sign this prescription form for me…

  19. Ebola says:
    May 8, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    roflmao, that’s great.

  20. Kate P says:
    May 9, 2009 at 12:54 am

    On top of that, the store brand cream cheese sucks, too. Gotta be Philly brand.

  21. Gunslinger says:
    May 9, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Did you ever notice that store-brand cream cheese doesn’t taste like actual cream cheese but they do taste like each other?
    It’s very similar to Elvis impersonators.

  22. Kate P says:
    May 10, 2009 at 12:06 am

    Elvis impersonators taste sour, too?

  23. Gunslinger says:
    May 10, 2009 at 2:15 am

    Only if pickled instead of packed in salt.

  24. tree hugging sister says:
    May 12, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    You should only eat Elvis impersonators if they suit you, not because you were suede by thinking you’d love them tender.
    Thank you. Thank you very much.
    Val…that was REALly good.
    I sh*tcanned the faux frommage (And do you KNOW how FAUX it truly was? A sheet of stiff plastic embedded in the top in a vain attempt to keep the gelatinous mass looking “brick”-like.) ( Should have been my first clue.) and enjoyed a lightly toasted, Neufchatel slathered, whole grain, fiber rich Thomas’ English muffin for breakfast.

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