Is That a Dye Packet Exploding in Your Pants…

…or are you just happy to see me?

The ‘Not-Too-Bright-Bandit’

…yes, that’s really his name ~ is off the streets, capping this week’s edition of “I’ll Take My HamBurglar Well Done”.

Police have captured the Not-Too-Bright Bandit, whose attempts at bank robbery ended badly, including having a dye pack explode in his pants.
Ralph Chapman Jr. 23, was arrested in Orlando last night shortly after 8 p.m., according to Tampa Police Detective Joseph Fish.
Police were able to capture Chapman thanks to his picture being widely distributed, police say. They also have a partial fingerprint from the note he left at the Bank of America robbery attempt earlier this month.
He is being charged with that attempt and one at a bank in Clermont, near Orlando.
The results there weren’t much better.
Chapman waited his turn behind another customer, then said something that indicated the dye pack debacle* had made a strong impression.
He told the teller, “Give me something that doesn’t explode,” Tampa police said.

Cagey criminal mind there. Living green, he also cleans up after every job…

…The teller refused, forcing him to leave empty-handed. Before he did, police said, he asked, “Can I have my [stickup] note back?”

In spite of his conscientious behavior, it didn’t take insensitive Tampa police but five seconds to start casting aspersions.

Police dubbed Chapman “The Not-Too-Bright Bandit” on Friday because, well,
“he’s not,” police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said.

Smug bastards.
* Re: ‘dye pack debacle’

…[Aug. 2 robbery attempt] Surveillance video shows him waiting in line about 10 minutes and flashing the clerk a handgun stuffed in his waistband before cramming cash and a hidden dye pack down the front of his pants.
He made it as far as a hedge in the parking lot before the dye pack burst at a temperature of about 425 degrees, police said. He escaped in a cloud of red smoke, flinging dyed bills in his wake, police said.

One Response to “Is That a Dye Packet Exploding in Your Pants…”

1. joated says:

   August 26, 2006 at 4:52 pm

   So, how come it took the cops three weeks to catch this guy if he’s not too bright?