A Holiday Letter to the Editor

…courtesy of the local fishwrap.

You, too,can pardon a turkey
This Thanksgiving, President Bush will pardon a turkey to promote the turkey industry. Each of us has the same power to pardon a turkey, to promote kindness and compassion.
The 300 million turkeys abused and slaughtered in the U.S. each year have nothing to give thanks for. They breathe toxic fumes in crowded sheds. Their beaks and toes are severed. Slaughterhouse workers cut their throats and dump them into boiling water, sometimes still conscious.
Turkeys do get their revenge. Their flesh is laced with cholesterol and saturated fats that elevate the risk of chronic disease. Government warning labels are provided to avoid food poisoning.
This Thanksgiving, my holiday meal may include a soy “turkey,” lentil or nut roast, stuffed squash, corn chowder, candied yams, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and carrot cake. An Internet search on “vegetarian Thanksgiving” will provide more mail-order items and recipes than I’ll ever need.

Thank you for that cheerful note laden with helpful hints, Mr. Tofurkey Q. Killjoy.
The worst part is, this is one of the more coherent letters today.

4 Responses to “A Holiday Letter to the Editor”

  1. Nightfly says:

    So Bush gets in trouble for serving a “fake” turkey, then gets in trouble for pardoning a real turkey, and the solution to this is an actual fake turkey?
    Would the last sane person on Earth please shut the lights on the way out? Thanks.

  2. Kcruella says:

    I think PETA had a form letter, we had almost the exact same letter in one of our local papers. We’re having turkey, ham AND I am putting sausage in the stuffing.

  3. Sandspur says:

    Like pumpkin pie and carrot cake are cholesterol free.

  4. Yeah, we had turkey AND ham. And for breakfast we had some pork sausage from the ranch kid’s 4H pig. And venison stew the night before.
    All were excellent.

Image | WordPress Themes