A Note to the Americans Snarling in Lebanon

I know it’s scarier than dogsh*t BUT…There are 25 THOUSAND of you there. Chill the f*ck out and give it time to work. Logistics are a bitch thousands of miles from home in a WAR zone and, like it or not, you are the juiciest plum on the target tree. Ships big enough to haul substantial numbers and ships needed to protect those numbers don’t levitate where you want them in the blink of an eye. And while Hezbollah might briefly think a ferry full of Frenchmen or Greeks is tempting for the odd shot or two, the thought of a helicopter or boatload of Americans in flames brings a glaze to their eyes and drool to their chins. Other folks want out, too and some are being told “you’re pretty much on your own”, so quit pissing and moaning to the ABC camera crews. Use your heads, give it a chance to work, be where you’re supposed to be so someone can reach you, help those who are worse off than yourselves and be ready to leave when the flag goes up.
It’s not Kansas, people.
It’s the Middle East.

47 Responses to “A Note to the Americans Snarling in Lebanon”

  1. Susanna says:

    I wish you could’ve been sitting on the couch with me last night watching this smug bitch. Seriously. We could’ve thrown shit at her.
    I was in gales of laughter after awhile because we were flipping back and forth between Anderson Pooper-Scooper and “Caddyshack.” So when Judge Schmales said, “Didn’t we meet at the PENINSULA CLUB?” I could see this snatch walking through the lobby of the hotel in Cyprus asking people that.
    As for taxpayer dollars footing the bill for her evacuation? No comment.

  2. Ken Summers says:

    Thank goodness you didn’t use the p-word, Susanna.

  3. (…and then the “S” word came out of left field, shocking the bystanders into silence…)

  4. Susanna says:

    “Panocha?” “Puta?”
    Some people drive me to it. It takes a certain kind. It doesn’t happen often. But when it does… watch out. I’m not done with her.
    Really. I’m going to see if I can find this video. Because if/when you guys see it, you will have much more creative things to say.
    I’m considering watching the Pooper-Scooper again tonight to see what other fetid nuggets he can scoop out of the cat box in the Middle East and put on LIVE (!) television…

  5. Mr. Bingley says:

    Hahaha, but what were her shoes like, Susanna?

  6. Susanna says:

    Read this and tell me she’s not a “C’ word.
    COOPER: How are you doing?
    CHRISLINE NSOULI, AMERICAN EVACUATED FROM LEBANON: Fine, I guess, happy to be out of there. It was
    stressful, you know. There was a lot of things going on. And it was a week, you know, the nighttime especially when you would wake up in the middle of the night and you would hear the bombings. It wasn’t — I’m not sure from Beirut we were actually hearing the bombings or if we were hearing the rockets coming off of the Israeli ships, but the sound was super loud.
    COOPER: How did you describe it to your kids? I mean, did they ask what was going on?
    NSOULI: No, not really, but they actually don’t really know. You know, during the World Cup, every time somebody scored something somewhere, there were fireworks all the time.
    COOPER: So they thought this was just part of the World Cup?
    NSOULI: So, we were playing it, oh, look at the fireworks, they’re so loud. Well, we can’t see them. That’s because they’re so far away.
    COOPER: Were you scared? Were you scared for your family?
    NSOULI: No. You know, I wasn’t scared in the sense that I didn’t feel anything was going to happen to us where we were in Beirut. But I certainly wanted to get out of there. The thing is, is we, you know, we didn’t know when and how and how it was going to happen. And it was very difficult to get in contact with the embassy.
    COOPER: It was? It was difficult?
    NSOULI: Is an understatement. It was actually impossible.
    COOPER: How did you finally do it?
    NSOULI: Today, this morning actually, I woke up and I was like, OK. We have to figure out how to get out of here. So, I called them and I called them and I called them and I CALLED THEM FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. And I said I’m alone with my three kids. My father had surgery yesterday, heart ballooning, whatever. We need to leave. They said, yes, well, maybe — after speaking to 15 people and being disconnected three times BECAUSE OF THE POWER OUTAGES, they said, well, we’ll add you to the list of all the people who want to leave and who are in a similar, quote, unquote, “case.” And we’ll call you. And I went to the hospital to check — we checked out. Came home. I think it was noon. And they said, can you be at the embassy at 1:00 o’clock? I said, OK. Well, 1:00, 1:30, we’ll figure it out. And we got there and choppered out.
    COOPER: Was it frustrating? I mean, because there had been a lot of complaints, we’re hearing a lot of that from people who were there, feeling like the U.S. has been very slow to get people out.
    NSOULI: VERY SLOW. VERY SLOW. I mean, luckily, I have my husband’s family there, who is very supportive and, I mean, I wasn’t worried at all. I just wanted to know when I was going to leave.
    COOPER: What do you think people in America should know about what’s going on right now, about what you’ve been seeing, about what Americans have been going through there?
    NSOULI: Well, I mean, obviously, I FEEL THAT THEY JUST HAVEN’T HELPED THEM OR THEY HAVEN’T COMMUNICATED ENOUGH WITH THEM TO TELL THEM, YOU KNOW, HOW THEY WERE PLANNIN ON GETTING THEM OUT. A lot of people are still sitting there and waiting and waiting for whatever ship to come in and to take them out. But, you know, they’re all worried about the organization of how it’s going to happen, how’re they going to get them to the ships. A lot of people have decided to just go on their own.
    COOPER: Over land?
    NSOULI: Yes, over land, which is actually what we were supposed to do today. And then at the last minute, last night, it was so loud that I chickened out.

  7. Mr. Bingley says:

    Oh the poor dear! This is an outrage! She called the Embassy in the morning, and she had to wait until 1 in the afternoon to get evacuated?

  8. ::sigh:: “C” word, alright.
    The sad thing is, it seems the place is FULL of them.
    We must have changed the channel before she got on. We saw the whiney college student in the Marine House bar at the Embassy (Bingley would have evacuated there, too.) talking about “what they won’t show you on the TV, body parts everywhere.” Duh. Bombs, explosions, BODY bits. College kids. The Israelis know all about those, having had them spread about busses, street and cafes for years, you twit.

  9. Susanna says:

    Told you.
    I probably would’ve been, well, “chartreuse” with envy over her footwear. Probably JP Tod’s driving mocs or Taryn Rose. Or maybe those Pumas that the Eurotrash love so much.
    Whiny fucking pampered bitch.

  10. Mike Rentner says:

    Most people from the US have never been in danger at any time in their lives. They have no idea what they’re facing in an evacuation or the complexity of it. More than ever before, Americans don’t even stand in lines anymore for anything.
    I’m heartened by this exchange because it shows how great a country we have that we have so many clueless people who have lived in peace and prosperity for so long that they no longer understand what hardship is.
    I wonder how this woman would react if she really had some danger and hardship rather than just an hour and a half on the phone and some loud noises in the distance?

  11. I’m heartened by this exchange because it shows how great a country we have that we have so many clueless people who have lived in peace and prosperity for so long that they no longer understand what hardship is.
    Oh, that is so proFOUNDLY true, Mike.
    Hurricanes or Hezbollah ~ it’s all a massive inconvenience and someone [else] needs to take care of it.

  12. (Taryn Rose, Susanna ~ clunky comfy in foreign climes.)

  13. Susanna says:

    Also… nice to see we have some intrepid journalists combing the Middle East for hard-hitting human interest stories, too.
    You know Anderson Cooper saw her and was like, “Girlfriend! You get those highlights at Fekkai and don’t tell me no. Come tell Anderson where it hurts.”

  14. DirtCrashr says:

    If I ride my dirtbike up into the mountains and crash my brains out or break a leg and somebody has to call a helicopter to bail me out to a hospital, they send me a whoppin’ helicopter-bill and all the rest that I have to pay. It’s no freebie, it’s not even the Mid-East – no amnesty for dangerous travel!

  15. all the rest that I have to pay
    No sh*t. EXACTLY. That whole “charging for the evacuation” was a HUGE frickin’ canard for the sake of the Bush-bashers. They weren’t “charging” for the evacuation, just for the plane ticket home from Cyprus and THAT at the discounted chartered rate. HELLO? Weren’t they going to pay to get home from Lebanon in a normal fashion anyway? STFU already.

  16. Ken Summers says:

    And yet, it is illegal to hit people like this with a stick.

  17. DirtCrashr says:

    Perhaps if you have good insurance you can run into them with your car.
    From what I’ve heard the Life-Flight bill usually runs about $10-grand.

  18. Susanna says:

    Though, if you were able to gain access to the Peninsula Club (said with Locust Valley Lockjaw), you could possibly, accidentally on purpose, hit her with a driver. Or a heavy iron. Or a fire iron. Or a candlestick!
    It was Ken in the conservatory with a candlestick!

  19. Mr. Bingley says:

    No! It was Tree Hugging Sis in the Kitchen with the rope!

  20. Susanna says:

    No, actually, it was Susanna, who drowned in a sea of irony.
    I am guessing by the sizable and excellent quality of that diamond the “whiny fucking pampered bitch” was wearing (which I could glean, yes, even via the Pooper-Scooper camera and hotel-room lighting, and yes, with a big, excellent diamond, it is just this way) she is married to one of THOSE Nsoulis.
    Though I love me some irony.

  21. Emily says:

    I thought it was always Mr. Bingley in the bathroom with nothing but his bare hands?

  22. (Usually it is, but it’s just not the same since he got glasses.)

  23. Mr. Bingley says:

    That sort of explains this
    I have my husband’s family there, who is very supportive and, I mean, I wasn’t worried at all.
    doesn’t it?
    Did you see that you have to send them an email to be allowed to see the ‘Royal Collection”?

  24. Mr. Bingley says:

    At least now I can see what I’m, er, missing.

  25. Susanna says:

    I’d like to email them about their “Royal” pain in the ass daughter.
    Jesus H. Christmas, didn’t I tell you guys? Didn’t I?
    And couldn’t a constipated simian create a better website. If you’re selling that caliber of goods, um, shouldn’t your site reflect it? Well, actually it generally doesn’t. Mostly those guys carry briefcases and travel in limosines to private residences and hotels.
    And get their pansy asses airlifted by Marines if need be. Hope the Marines didn’t scratch any of the steamer trunk.

  26. Emily says:

    I thought that took a microscope, Bingley?

  27. Mr. Bingley says:

    Nope, just a lucky guess with the tweezers.

  28. (Microscope, oh yeah. He learned in lesson with the magnifying glass. Sunlight + Glass = Smoking bits of even less*.)
    *involved explanation here

    A decent approximation for the sun’s power on the surface of the earth is about 1200 W/m^2.
    Assuming a glass lens about 3″ in diameter. Changing units and figuring the area gives 0.00456 m^ for the area of the magnifying glass.
    The magnifying glass will intercept roughly 5.5 W/m^2 available from that 100 W/m^2 the sun is providing, scorching Bingley’s meager ASSets to carbon.

    There you have it.

  29. Mr. Bingley says:

    He learned in lesson with the magnifying glass.
    “White man come. Many horses.”

  30. Ken Summers says:

    Speaking of Indian jokes (from about fourth grade)…
    Why was the ground white after Custer’s Last Stand?
    (And I apologize for this, but I’m posting it anyway)

  31. Mr. Bingley says:

    [blinks innocently]
    I don’t know, Ken; why?

  32. “White man come. Many horses.”
    “QUICK!! Schmear ‘um slutty war paint on both cheeks for Enumclaw party!”

  33. And now, back to ungrateful bitches (and we ARE generally recognised as the world wide experts on the subject):
    You know Anderson Cooper saw her and was like, “Girlfriend! You get those highlights at Fekkai and don’t tell me no. Come tell Anderson where it hurts.”
    I wouldn’t doubt he picked HER because he probably KNOWS her. One would think Andie’s mummy and them are old friends ~ they run in the same social circles, n’est pas?

  34. John says:

    When the State Department told me to get my a$$ out of dodge and I didn’t, I sure as hell didn’t expect them to come rescue me if I changed my mind later. I knew I was in a separatist Soviet Republic when I went there, and I was prepared to walk to Poland if I had to. I just can not understand someone who goes out to the Middle East without an escape plan.

  35. Mr. Bingley says:

    They dohave an escape plan: call the Embassy and have James bring the chopper ’round 2, mmkay, Luvvie?

  36. John says:

    Heh. The nearest Embassy to me in-country was in Moscow (technically the closest one was in Warsaw). Fat lot of good either would ahve done me. You go to a place where violence threatens to erupt, take some damn responsibility for yourself. These people really piss me off.

  37. [blinks innocently] I don’t know
    Everybody now gets to laugh Bingley for not getting the joke.

  38. Mr. Bingley says:

    Everybody now gets to laugh Bingley for not getting the joke.
    First Sis and now Ken…Why is everyone suddenly speaking like Russian immigrants?

  39. Mr. Bingley says:

    Een Georg Bushnik’s Amerikkka you don’t go to party; party come to you!

  40. You go to a place where violence threatens to erupt, take some damn responsibility for yourself.
    Hurricanes, Hezbollah…HELP!!

  41. Susanna says:

    I am so pleased that “UNGRATEFUL BITCH” (hee hee!) and gave us all so much to talk about today. Thank Xenu for transcript services, no! Otherwise, how could I have possibly conveyed the nitwittery that was that interview?
    Here’s hoping that useless ninny Googles herself soon.
    Heh heh heh heh.

  42. DirtCrashr says:

    When I was bit by a spider in Barcelona and my leg swelled up till you couldn’t see the ankle, the US Consulate was useless and incapable of helping – most of the employees were Spanish anyhow. I went to a free-clinic at the University and got some antibiotics, and stumped around for a few more days before catching a train back up to Vienna.

  43. Mike Rentner says:

    I would have never thought to go to the consulate for medical care. They were probably thinking the same thing, especially since Spain has free medical care.

  44. Actually, going to the embassy for medical care (and to find where to get reputable care), especially urgent care, is a time honored tradition. When I was in Guatemala City in ’80, one of the girls with us came down with a horrific case of amoebocitis ~ they truly thought she was going to die. The Embassy was one of the first places called, they found specialists to take over for the hotel’s GP and they’re the ones who arranged for her Med-Evac out of there. They were fantastic.
    More in the comments.

  45. Drewsmom says:

    The only ones I feel sorry for are the innocent children, infants and toddlers they took to a place that the State Dept. warned them against.
    How dumbass is that.
    When tucker carslon on msnbc, left weenie, talked to that chick last night that said she had to sign a $200,000.000 waiver cuz she was taken out on a military chopper and had to ride in the uncomfortable marine boat to Cyprus he should have challenged her then. He knows the Nancy Polosi fees that she voted on by the way were waived before that ungrateful bitch got on the chopper and she bold faced lied on TV.
    msnbc sux and tucker and joe scarbourgh who used to be a half decent Republican have had entirely too much kool-aid served in msnb break rooms.

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