A Party We Can All Support

Friends, these are fractious times for our Republic. At moments like this perhaps it is best that we remember our heritage and look back across the Pond to England for inspiration, guidance, and perhaps some fresh ideas to allow our democracy to heal itself.

We need hope.

We need succor for our sickened electorate.

We need CURE

They’re happy zombies. And you know why? Because we’ve just received word that the Citizen for Undead Rights and Equality has been approved by the Electoral Commission as an officially-recognised political party. Which means we’re able to stand for election in the forthcoming General Election. Democracy is alive and kicking, unlike those we’re seeking to help.

…As part of this, we had to include our manifesto. We wanted to say “well, it’s obvious: no-one is taking the rights of Zombies seriously, you idiots” but thought that probably wouldn’t get CURE approved as a political party.

So instead, we came up with these, which are pretty good:

* To give the undead equal rights to the living
* To make cemeteries more comfortable for its inhabitants
* To implement a robust social integreation programme for the undead, curing society of its prejudices
* To increase the minimum statutory retirement age to beyond death
* To permit the marriage of living and the undead

Mind you, zombies have had voting rights in Chicago for many years now…

6 Responses to “A Party We Can All Support”

  1. Rob says:

    Lower right zombie has interesting handprint placement for a zombie. Perhaps that moment preceded death … or not.

  2. Mr. Bingley says:

    It’s proof that zombies have feelings and needs just like the rest of us.

  3. Gary from Jersey says:

    Rob, I was thinking somebody was looking for an excuse to apply CPR to a (nearly dead) babe.

  4. JeffS says:

    Well, there are plenty of brain dead people out there, so forming a zombie party only makes sense.

    And they have celebrity endorsements!

  5. Rob says:

    That must be some advanced CPR, Gary. I had to place my hands somewhere else when I took that class.

  6. nightfly says:

    Second from left, second row… NOT A ZOMBIE. Just there for the cannibalism, I guess.

    The look on her face gives it away. The photographer said, “Everyone say BRAAAAAINS” and she said “BRAAAAAINS” but everyone else said “UUURRRRGH,” and the photo just captures the moment she suddenly thought, Oh crap, zombies.

    I have a few more proposals for their platform:

    1. We favor a thinking electorate… thinking hard with their tasty tasty brains.
    2. Chainsaw, torch, and improvised-weapon control.
    3. An emphasis on bio-fuels. (We prefer math teams and engineering students, but YMMV.)

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