As If We Didn’t Have Enough to Blame on Global Warming and Pollution

…now polar bear gonads (the technical term) are going the way of wool in the dryer.

Polar bear genitals shrinking due to pollution
Shrinkage could endanger animals with already have low reproduction rate
The icecap may not be the only thing shrinking in the Arctic. The genitals of polar bears in east Greenland are apparently dwindling in size due to industrial pollutants.
Scientists report this shrinkage could, in the worst case scenario, endanger polar bears there and elsewhere by spoiling their love lives and causing their numbers to diminish.

Greenpeace will be airlifting Neuticles in by the cargoshipfull.
I can hear them after a night of binge drinking at the Aurora Barealis:

Lounge Lizard Polar Bear: Come here often, you furry white vixen?
Floozy Polar Bear: No. I’m not that kind of girl. Tonight I just came for the halibut.
Lounge Lizard Polar Bear: Well, it’s a whole different 23 1/2 hours of darkness when I’m on ice, creampop. Wanna go blow a seal? Maybe work the old steelhead over?
Floozy Polar Bear: Ooooooo! [shivers in anticipation] You silver salmon tongued devil…you don’t have to bend my ptarmigan with your puffin. Let’s go!

[later] Lounge Lizard Polar Bear: Honestly, baby! This has never happened to me before! It’s got to be the pollution!
Floozy Polar Bear: I’ll bet you say that to all the sows.

7 Responses to “As If We Didn’t Have Enough to Blame on Global Warming and Pollution”

  1. Nightfly says:

    Maybe they’re all on ‘roids.

  2. Kcruella says:

    Who is measuring them?

  3. John says:

    Kcruella – the undergraduate assistant. The same one that used to reach deep into the, erm, source, for the cow fecal E. Coli project the Navy was running when I was in grad school. Can’t have the meadow muffin E. Coli mixing with bacteria off of the ground, now can we?
    Why was the Navy interested in E. Coli? You would not believe how much of it all those squids on a carrier dump into the ocean every day.

  4. KG says:

    I can’t help but think that swimming in cold water might have something to do with this.

  5. BBWWAAhahahahaha! Straight thinking might have saved them a research bundle if KG ran the zoo.

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