“Cake or Death?”

Cake, please. It’s his birthday.

There’s no Church of England fundamentalism. We can’t have Church of England fundamentalism. You know, like they have Islamic fundamentalism. Jihad! … Ah ha … Church of England fundamentalism is impossible because you can’t have: “You must have tea and cake with the vicar or you die!” Tea and cake or death! Students with beards, “Tea and cake or death! Tea and cake or death! Little Red Cookbook! Little Red Cookbook!” Ca – you know, ’cause, “Cake or death?” That’s a pretty easy question. Everybody – anyone could answer that. “Cake or death?” “Uhh, cake please.” “Very well! Give him cake!” “Oh, thanks very much. It’s very nice!” “You! Cake or death?” “Uh, cake for me, too, please!” “Very well! Give him cake, too! We’re gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?” “Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry …” “You said death first, ah-ha, ah-ha, death first!” “Well, I meant cake!” “Oh, all right. You’re lucky I’m Church of England! Cake or death?” “Uh, cake please.” “Well, we’re out of cake! We only had three bits and we didn’t expect such a rush! So what’ll it be?”
“What, so my choice is ‘or death?’ Well, then I’ll have the chicken, please.”

18 Responses to ““Cake or Death?””

  1. Mr. Bingley says:

    Where’d you find my college photos?

  2. Mr. Bingley says:

    I have no idea, Ken.
    Sometimes it’s best not to ask; just nod, smile and move along.

  3. The_Real_JeffS says:

    I think that he should be packing an MP44, not a rifle. Those go better with lace.
    Oh, and I’m no expert, but his lipstick seems to be the wrong shade of red for a black dress. Perhaps something in pastel?

  4. You know, Jeff (or schmaybe you don’t), that you should go bold with your lipstick if your eye colors are muted or vice versa. Never, NEVER clown face vivid from brow to chin. Now, since black washes you out, there needs to be that little bit o’ lagniappe to make it striking ~ a touch of verve ~ hence a dramatic red is the lipcolour of choice. (Pastels with black make you look like a corpse.)
    Tastefully understated is the key. Plus, the dress is looking a tad bedraggled, so I’m thinking some may have worn off.

  5. Emily says:

    That be the wonderfully brilliant Eddie Izzard.

  6. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Thank you, THS. Obviously, I have more experience with firearms than I do with make up.

  7. The_Real_JeffS says:

    I thought Bingley hates the way he looks in black lace?

  8. I knew she’d know.
    But the rest of you…

  9. Whip that black lace into something kiltish and Bingley’d be all over that like stank on poo.

  10. Mr. Bingley says:

    Black lace always makes me look fat.
    Black fishnets, on the other hand, are quite slimming.

  11. Emily says:

    I’ve always been jealous of Bingley for being one of those blokes who could pull off the fishnets without looking like a complete whore. Bastard.

  12. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Actually, I should have recognized Eddie Izzard, having watched some of his specials on the boob tube. But the thought of Mr. Bingley in black lace or fishnets has disturbed my cognitive abilities this morning…..and not in a good way. Especially in light of Emily’s last comment.

  13. Mr. Bingley says:

    I love you, Emily.

  14. Kathy K says:

    Have to admit the man has a flair. And he certainly knows how to accessorize…
    Though the gun should be black…

  15. DirtCrashr says:

    The gun should be belt-fed, not a bolt-action. Belts go with lace.

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