Correlation Is Not Causation

Diet soda causes obesity. Since you only ever see fat people drinking it, the proof is clear.
Our audience is encouraged to provide other examples of this logic.

13 Responses to “Correlation Is Not Causation”

1. tree hugging sister says:

   March 22, 2005 at 11:28 pm

   The same would then explain the wall plaque of instructions in braille at the drive through ATM. It’s really been bugging me. I can only pray it reads ‘what the F*CK are you doing in the driver’s seat?!’

2. Ken Summers says:

   March 23, 2005 at 9:11 am

   When I lived in Santa Cruz, I noticed that as ice cream increased, the number of drownings increased.

3. Ken Summers says:

   March 23, 2005 at 9:12 am

   Besides, everyone knows that diet soda cancels calories. That’s why you see so many people ordering a double cheeseburger and diet soda.

4. tree hugging sister says:

   March 23, 2005 at 9:29 am

   And obviously they’re not serious. Everyone knows, if you mean business, you have ice water with your cheesey doubledouble, grilled onions and fries.

5. Crusader says:

   March 23, 2005 at 10:04 am

   Besides, everyone knows that diet soda cancels calories. That’s why you see so many people ordering a double cheeseburger and diet soda.

   Actually, Ken, there is a reason for this. Being a type 1 Diabetic, there have been times I have done just the thing you propose, ie-ordering a double cheeseburger (or triple) and a diet, as the fat and protien in the burger are longer and slower to raise blood suger, and I can do it in such a way as to not have to take a shot at the meal, and keep my suger level even. But non-diabetics have no excuse…

6. Mr. Bingley says:

   March 23, 2005 at 10:09 am

   Heck, a common dinner for me in High School was a half gallon of breyer’s strawberry ice cream and a 2 liter bottle of Tab.

7. John says:

   March 23, 2005 at 10:19 am

   THS, you’ll love this one: the frequency of auto accidents in FL and inches of rainfall in Japan are correlated temporally: they both peak in June. May / June is the season all the Snowbirds hit the road for the North and all the touristers start heading South to see the Mouse. It is also the rainy season in Japan.
   So rainfall in Japan causes accidents in FL. Must be a quantum thing.

8. tree hugging sister says:

   March 23, 2005 at 11:02 am

   John ~ per your quantums, I’m concerned about my connection to both.
   THS: born in Iwakuni, Japan ~ a little black raincloud/incident prone driver her whole life ~ moves about the entire world only to settle in…FLORIDA…
   Is there an ulterior motive at play here? Some disturbance in the Force? Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope!

9. Crusader says:

   March 23, 2005 at 11:38 am

   Is there an ulterior motive at play here? Some disturbance in the Force? Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope!

   Sounds like you need to sign up for a Yoda class…….

10. Nightfly says:

    March 23, 2005 at 12:20 pm

    Ms Sister – I think there actually is a reason for Braille in the drive-through ATM: namely, all the machines and buttons and components are standard. It would be too much trouble and money to have non-Braille and Braille units and have to worry about having the right one at the proper locations.

    My favorite recent absurdity was on I-95 southbound, when I drove to Florida for Chirstmastime with the family: a road sign saying “Speed Limit Enforced by Aircraft.”

    Those are awfully small potholes, dear.
    No, honey, I think that’s the last time they strafed a tailgater.

11. tree hugging sister says:

    March 23, 2005 at 1:12 pm

    I know “namely, all the machines and buttons and components are standard. It would be too much trouble and money to have non-Braille and Braille units and have to worry about having the right one at the proper locations” and nope, nope nope, that wasn’t the problem.
    At the Navy Fed drive thru, in Jacksonville Norf Cackalacky, bolted into the wall next to ~ and at the same level (read: at arm’s reach) of ~ the standard ATM (complete with braille encrusted buttons) is a brass plaque the size of the Rosetta Stone (with damn near as many paragraphs), written completely in braille.
    Around the corner are the three walk-up ATMs (complete with braille encrusted buttons) and nary a plaque in sight. The only way to experience the plaque was to drive up.

12. Nightfly says:

    March 23, 2005 at 3:39 pm

    AH – clarification. Now I see the piont (so to speak).

13. Nightfly says:

    March 23, 2005 at 3:39 pm

    POINT! Point. (Crap.)