Don’t Tell Michelle

Remember, folks, the Science is Clear and there is Consensus (overwhelming, even).

And, er, there’s also that pesky empirical evidence

(CNN) — Twinkies. Nutty bars. Powdered donuts.

For 10 weeks, Mark Haub, a professor of human nutrition at Kansas State University, ate one of these sugary cakelets every three hours, instead of meals. To add variety in his steady stream of Hostess and Little Debbie snacks, Haub munched on Doritos chips, sugary cereals and Oreos, too.

His premise: That in weight loss, pure calorie counting is what matters most — not the nutritional value of the food.

The premise held up: On his “convenience store diet,” he shed 27 pounds in two months.

“B-b-b-but” you cry “those ’empty’ calories are nasty and bad for him!”

Sure, if by “nasty and bad” you mean “better than Lipitor”

Haub’s “bad” cholesterol, or LDL, dropped 20 percent and his “good” cholesterol, or HDL, increased by 20 percent. He reduced the level of triglycerides, which are a form of fat, by 39 percent.

Let’s see, he limited himself to about 1,600 calories per day.

A 5oz glass of red wine has around 100 calories (an admittedly small pour, but one must occasionally make sacrifices for the Betterment of Man).

Soooooooo, I should be able to get by on 16 glasses of wine a day.

In markedly improved health.

God, I love Science.

9 Responses to “Don’t Tell Michelle”

  1. nightfly says:

    There’s much I can say here… but I will defer to my esteemed colleague, C. Monster:

  2. nightfly says:

    Hm. There seems to be no picture there. You will have to click here. And won’t you consider a preview button of some sort?

  3. Dr Alice says:

    It’s the same principle as the Subway Diet. Burning more calories than you take in is the key. It doesn’t matter what kind of calories they are.
    (Although, if I officially approved this fellow’s weight loss method, the AMA would come after me with pitchforks and torches.)

  4. Gary from Jersey says:

    He lost weight as his teeth fell out, right?

  5. ricki says:

    And here I’ve been choking down salads for years.


  6. KingShamus says:

    M’chelle would have a snippy retort, but she’s too busy practicing her bat’leth technique.

    Thanks for the blogroll add, Mr. B. I appreciate it.

  7. Yojimbo says:

    If you only required half the weight loss, you could…… twice as much? Simply asking.

    I’d be happy to comsume the calories today for the pounds lost tomorrow, just to paraphrase some obscure cartoon character.

  8. Teresa says:

    I love it. Just the fact that he did exactly what he wasn’t “supposed to do” and all indicators say it was successful to this point. That’s excellent. LOL.

  9. Yojimbo says:

    Just to be on the safe side here I think I will hedge my bets. I’m starting off with the Hostess fruit pies.

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