Finally! After Millions of Dollars and Reams of Battlefield Data

…it can conclusively and empirically be stated that the routine and continued ingestion of plastic turkey foisted on unsuspecting troops by a complicit and unfeeling government bureaucracy…

…inevitably results in slower troop movements…

…as the smiling vegan on the left clearly demonstrates.

15 Responses to “Finally! After Millions of Dollars and Reams of Battlefield Data”

  1. Skyler says:

    Oh my lord. Beyond that nasty habit the army has of allowing people to run around out of a proper uniform, that lump of flesh is a “disbarrassment,” as a drill instructor once liked to phrase it.

  2. Mr. Bingley says:

    I dunno, maybe he just got released from Gitmo?

  3. The_Real_JeffS says:

    “Proper uniform” is a matter for the chain of command, Skyler. What the Marines and Army do in that regard has always been a source of, ummmmmm. disagreement.
    That said, I can only hope that Mr. Gitmo is on the Fat Man’s Program, and that his lunch consists mostly of rabbit food.

  4. Polycarbonate poisoning, no doubt.

  5. Mr. Bingley says:

    With those manboobs I bet he could stand in for the USO folks.

  6. They have a clinical name ~ polycarbonate protuberances.
    I told you. It’s a syndrome.

  7. Skyler says:

    There was a time, in the not too distant past, where the army would not tolerate such a uniform policy.

  8. Dave E. says:

    “An Army of One…and a half”
    It pains me, but even I have to laugh with the jarheads about that pic.

  9. Gunslinger says:

    We had some big buggers when I was serving but nothing like that walking mound of sandbags. How the hell Pvt. Tuba could do a fifteen mile road march is beyond me.
    That is just sad.

  10. The_Real_JeffS says:

    There was a time, in the not too distant past, where the army would not tolerate such a uniform policy.
    True, Skyler. At one time, in the not so distant past, you couldn’t even wear your Army uniform off post, on most installations. If you had to stop off at a store on the way home, you had to change to civilian clothes before hand. The pendulum swings both ways, it seems, since I’ve seen that rule adjusted of late to “No PT gear worn off post”.
    As for the mess halls (oops, I mean “DFACs”) in Iraq and Afghanistan (which is apparently where Mr. Manboobs is at)…’s up to the FOB or base commander, and depends on the security level. The rule generally allows wearing some approved uniform (and he is wearing the approved Army PT uniform), and be clean. If you look behind The Very Sharp Marine and Mr. Manboobs, you will see a variety of dress.
    I’m not saying that this is a good trend. I’m just pointing out that this is a carefully considered policy that allows some leeway to the local commanders in terms of letting the troops eat without running back to their bunk to change. Sometimes it makes sense, especially on the bigger bases.
    I also suspect that if some hunk with 6 pack abs was in Army PT uniform in this photo, Sis would be all over herself with “GAAA-ROWL“. ;-P

  11. Skyler says:

    True enough. I’ve seen some chunky Marines before. None this bad though.

  12. The_Real_JeffS says:

    None this bad though.
    With that, I can not argue. Not at all.

  13. John says:

    C’mon. That dude’s GOT to be Blackwater.

  14. Skyler says:

    No, that’s an official army uniform.

  15. The_Real_JeffS says:

    It is, John. If naught else, Blackwater doesn’t hire many guys with manboobs; they couldn’t afford feeding them.

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