I Know You’ve Heard It Before: “Life in the South is Slow

But if you’re not from here, I’ll bet you have no clue just how ‘slow’ we’re talking. Take one of our news stories this week, for instance. This old boy wrote the book on ‘slow’.

With friend dead, man says he took a nap
A man told Santa Rosa sheriff’s investigators that he found a dead friend lying in his front yard Tuesday but decided to take a nap rather than calling authorities.
William Hutson, 43, of the 1600 block of Balogh Drive in Gulf Breeze found Charles Scott Boylan’s body about 1:30 p.m. Tuesday, Sheriff’s Office spokesman Sgt. Scott Haines said.
But the Sheriff’s Office didn’t learn a body was outside Hutson’s home in Magnolia Manor until a mail carrier found it about 4 p.m.
…Hutson was arrested on a tampering with evidence charge after telling investigators he picked up a shotgun near Boylan’s body, went back inside his home and went to sleep on a couch, Haines said.
Boylan, 47, of Gulf Breeze suffered a gunshot blast to the chest, but investigators are not sure how he suffered the fatal wound, Haines said.
Haines said the gun belonged to Hutson, but he didn’t know how the gun ended up outside near Boylan’s body.

During the 6 o’ clock news, the breathless announcement of the body’s discovery by the mail carrier (including mention of the gun-induced gaping chest wound) was followed by a ominously intoned:

“The Sheriff’s department says the death is suspicious.”

Do tell.
We all just floatin’ down a lazy river…

4 Responses to “I Know You’ve Heard It Before: “Life in the South is Slow“”

  1. I’m reminded of an old cartoon from “Mad Magazine”. Two old guys sitting on the porch of the general store playing checkers.
    “Ya know, it’s nice livin’ in a small town. I like the slow pace.”
    “Yup, I know what ya mean. Life’s just too rushed thar in the big city.”
    “Well, one more game and I best mosey along.”
    “What’s your hurry, Doc?”
    “Ohhh… got an emergency call to make.”

  2. That 1 Guy says:

    He’us dead. May well as take a nap. Cain’t do nuthin fer him, and the stress of findin a dead fren is turrible.

  3. You’re gonna love this one. Today he’s sayin’ that he thunk the guy were playin’ an April Fool’s joke on him.
    So he left ‘im in the yard.

  4. That 1 Guy says:

    Jumpin Jozhorseisfat! A April fool joke. That there’s a dandy…
    “Nice fake hole in yer chest, Chucky. Ain’t fallin fer it, tho. Seein’ you all sprawled out ‘minds me I gotsta take a nap…”

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