I’m Not Sure What’s More Disturbing

The Military.com email I just got with…

Video: Gay Bomb

…as the subject line, or the fact the dweebs actually considered it to begin with. In either case, it’s old news and purloined goods, because a fellow named Harlan Ellison came up with the concept decades ago. Snuggled in his Shatterday short story collection is a little gem titled:

How’s the Night Life on Cissalda?
Synopsis: Temponaut Enoch Mirren returns from a venture to time/universe Earth-2 inseperably, obscenely, and rapturously attached to a disgusting thing from the planet Cissalda. Two months later scientists finally manage to separate human and Cissaldan, ending their sexual congress. The Cissaldan dissapears and is found three hours later in a broom closet with Dr. Marilyn Hornback. Not long after that, the terrific and disgusting little things (which happen to be the “most perfect fucks in the universe”) start popping in all over the world, fastening themselves onto everyone – famous or not. Everyone, that is, except Enoch Mirren…
Comments: “Cissalda” isn’t soul-wrenching or fever-inducing or nightmare-causing or any of the other things you hear about Ellison’s work. It is, quite simply, a fucking hilarious bit of writing. Artists who think that sex wasn’t invented (you know, REALLY invented) until the 90’s should look back on just how shocking and irreverent Ellison was almost twenty years ago, describing the infiltration of the Cissaldans:

Truman Capote, popping Quaaludes like M&Ms, rolled himself into a puffy little ball as his Cissaldan mounted him. The level of dope in his system, however, was so high that the disgusting thing went mad and strained itself straight up the urethra and hid itself against his prostrate. Capote’s voice instantly dropped three octaves.
Maidservants to Queen Elizabeth, knocking frantically on the door to her bedchamber, were greeted with silence. Guards instantly forced the door. They turned their heads away from the disgusting sight that greeted them. There was nothing regal, nothing imperial, nothing even remotely majestic about what was taking place there on the floor.

Those entwined with the creatures forget to eat or sleep and eventually die. The Cissaldan hops off in search of the next victim ~ it’s a war of attrition. Civilization as we know it ceases to exist because the Cissaldans have seduced everyone. And the poor astronaut is the last guy standing on Earth.
The ‘gay bomb’ on alien love crack.
Mr. Bush, build that wall!

2 Responses to “I’m Not Sure What’s More Disturbing”

  1. WunderKraut says:

    That has to be the oddest post ever…
    I blame Bush

  2. I forgot to add the other advantage of ‘Cissalda’ vice the ‘Gay Bomb’: Ellison’s book didn’t cost taxpayers one red cent unless they purchased it.

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