In Light of the…Ahem…Recent Unpleasantness, Our Executive Board Has Conceived a BOLD NEW PLAN

…for pledge week.

NO LONGER must you only listen to inane chattering from tireless, unpaid, local PBS workers breaking into The NewsHour.

NO LONGER will you only be subjected to sweeping camera shots of desultory, coerced corporate “volunteers”, lethargically waiting by ever-so-quiet phones arrayed in a hopeful bank of anticipated future mad ringing, if only the carrot were large and sweet enough.

“Oh, say what?!?! “Feet of Flames” plus the signed sparkle Spanx Michael Flatley wore for a $67 pledge? GIMME THE GODDAMNED To the phone, Henry!!!”


Send the President of PBS out to bumf*ck wherever (Like PENSACOLA!) and have her personally whore for funds and federal support from the peasants!

PBS president makes pitch for public funds

The president of PBS told Pensacola-area supporters that viewers need to let their elected officials know how much Public Broadcasting Service programs mean to them if affiliates are to receive public funding.

(I’m curious. Wasn’t somebody saying that part of the pitch was illegal? Schmaybe it’s how you beg ask.)

I’m not precisely sure where my beloved hometown falls on the PBS President’s Peasant Pledge Whore Tour [say that 3 times fast without a screw-up and, for $15, YOU get a “Yanni” CD AND a copy of “How to Beat Menopause and Syphilis at Their Own Game” with margin notes signed by the author!!], but it must be right near the inaugural phase of it, considering the timing. (For our local PBS station’s sake, I hope the pitch gets better and they can stand on their own.) While admittedly a tough audience here, being overwhelmingly conservative and a stalwart Republican bastion, it had to be sort of embarrassing for a Washington luminary of such national stature (well, everywhere else) to pull a whopping…”about 20 people” (about a dozen supporters and elected officials) for a life-or-death luncheon.

Wouldn’t you think?

Or maybe, just maybe, it was meant to be that way and peasants weren’t welcome in any event.

Those stretched out, sweaty sparkle Spanx are looking even less appealing. As if that were possible.

8 Responses to “In Light of the…Ahem…Recent Unpleasantness, Our Executive Board Has Conceived a BOLD NEW PLAN”

  1. nightfly says:

    Pffft. Shmaybe if they were still running Cosmos and Doctor Who, they’d get a little cabbage from Chez Nightfly.

  2. tree hugging sister says:

    (C’mon, Diptera! A hockey player not LOVING FEET OF FLAMES and sparkly pants? You’re NOT FOOLING ANYONE. Cough up the cash…)

  3. Yojimbo says:

    Or even decent non-pc NOVAs.

    Events meant to “benefit” a certain segment of the population are not, you know, for that certain segment of the population. How many homeless are allowed to attend the fancy dinners for the homeless. You can’t say that women in fancy gowns step-over the homeless on their way to a dinner for the homeless because the homeless aren’t allowed within miles of that area.

  4. mojo says:

    Hey, where’s my CD of Greek nose-flute classics?…

  5. Yojimbo says:

    I got the last one, Mojo.

  6. Gary from Jersey says:

    So that’s Riverdance? Guys whose feet sound like that high-speed train Florida’s drooling over? Looks more like a Village People tryout or the Rockettes thought they’d go butch for a laugh.

  7. mojo says:

    “At least in Olongopo I got kissed afterward…”

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