I’ve Heard Of Swords-Into-Plowshares

But pitbulls into missiles?

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a “$63,000,000,000 billion dollar” lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy “missiles from Iran,” FOX News has learned.
Jonathan Lee Riches filed the handwritten complaint over “theft and abuse of my animals” on July 23 in the U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va.
Riches alleges that Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogs from his home in Holiday, Fla., and used them for dogfighting operations in Richmond, Va. The complaint goes on to allege that Vick sold the dogs on eBay and “used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government.”

Sixty-three billion for 2 pit bulls? There must be something else to this sordid tale…ah yes, I knew it! There is

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Who can put a value on hurt feelings? And just ask any Falcons fan if you want to hear about Vick and “dashed hopes”, buddy.
Now, given the state of our legal system, let’s assume that our dear Jonathan Lee “Richie” Riches wins this suit; should Vick just, say, write him a check? Well, our dear Mr. Riches has a rather unique payment request, due to his current living arrangements

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

Makes me wonder how much a lawsuit versus a certain well known Puppy Blender would bring…

4 Responses to “I’ve Heard Of Swords-Into-Plowshares”

  1. $63 billion is pocket change. This guy wants $63 billion billion. That’s 10^18, or $63 quintillion. Now THAT’s some serious dough.

  2. Kate P says:

    Something tells me Cruella de Vil was also named in the suit. They have to stop putting “101 Dalmatians” in the prison library.

  3. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Why buy Iranian missiles? I hear that there are bargains to be had in North Korea.

  4. ricki says:

    Could it be that this Riches fellow is seeking a transfer from prison to a psychiatric facility?
    I mean, my first reaction on hearing that someone claims someone else stole their pitbulls, sold them on eBay, and used the money earned to buy missles from Iran is, “Dude’s crazy!”
    Or, he’s making a very good act of it.

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