Man, If You Can Duck Into a Ritzy Treatment Center

…you can get away with almost anything.

Rep. Patrick Kennedy said Friday he was entering treatment for addiction to prescription pain medication, a decision made after a highly publicized car crash near the Capitol that the congressman said he cannot recall.

Same thing happened here in our big drug ring bust in Bangla-cola. All the lily white drug dealer/cocaine snorters got probation after treatment or went off to Camp Snoopy for 18 months. Doesn’t work like that for Tameka or Ontuwan in the projects, though.
And they’ll re-elect his loser butt, I have no doubt.
UPDATE: Jeez, it’s like an Oprah episode.

The congressman was treated at a drug rehabilitation clinic before he went to Providence College and has been praised in the past for his openness.

I’m a loser, so you must love me. It’s not my fault, it’s yours if you don’t love me. Group hug, group hug.

14 Responses to “Man, If You Can Duck Into a Ritzy Treatment Center”

  1. Dan Collins says:

    Please don’t GACK, as it reminds me of “Cathy.” Also, it’s just not very polite to gack in public (particularly in caps), even at a bent Kennedy.
    My understanding is that there’s a barmaid at the Hawk & Dove who observed Patrick imbibing (though he denies it). Perhaps the divergence of recollections has something to do with the fact that Patrick can’t recollect. Apparently, one of the reasons he’s been prescribed these medications is that he suffers from depression. And if you’re depressed, what better way to treat it than with depressants, right?
    Even if Bingley were as pickled as a Hungarian in a barrel, I’d expect him to be more on the ball than that. I mean, the question, “Was it good for me?” is elegant in its way.

  2. Nightfly says:

    It’s Simpsons Time!
    He’s guilty of mayhem, exposure indicent,
    Freak-out behavior, both chronic and recent
    Drinking and driving, narcotics possession:
    And that’s just page one of the ten-page confession…
    We should put you away, where you can’t kill or maim us –
    But this is LA, and you’re rich and faaaaaaamous!

    I’m checking in!
    I’m checking in!
    No more pills or alcohol
    No more pot or Demerol –
    No more stinkin’ fun at all!
    I’m checking in!
    I’m checking in!
    I’m checking in!
    No more lookin’ pale and thin
    No more bugs beneath my skin
    Hey! That’s just my aspirin!
    Chuck it out – you’re checking in!

  3. Mr. Bingley says:

    You know, come to think of it he may be the prototype congressman that this country needs: a guy so looped out that he will never remember to show up and vote, let alone include any pork add-ons to bills…
    I hope he gets re-elected. Why, its our patriotic duty to ensure it!

  4. Mr. Bingley says:

    Hehehe, exxxcellent, ‘Fly…

  5. as pickled as a Hungarian in a barrel
    Why does that sound so lyrical?
    I had to gack, Dan. There was no other way to describe what my finger down my throat sounds like. Sorry. Usually I’m better behaved.
    Kcruella and I have a favorite verbal shrug when a night such as Patrick’s escapes us. It goes like this:

    “Did I have a good time? They told me I did.”

  6. Mr. Bingley says:

    Usually I’m better behaved.
    ‘sez who?

  7. (BITE me.)
    Everybody that’s who, Monsewer Know-it-all.

  8. Mr. Bingley says:

    People are only nice when you’re cooking. You know it’s true.

  9. Dan Collins says:

    If there’s a gag order, you’re definitely covered.

  10. It’s reflexive, Dan.

  11. Susanna says:

    I have a bizarro, misguided (?) bit of sadness for this guy. Let’s face it, he’ll never be one tenth of the hotness his first (dead) cousin John John was. (I already said I was misguided, okay? But that JFK, Jr. was a nice piece of meat… right, ladies?)
    I mean the whole family is something out of a made-for-TV-20th-century-Greek-tragedy.
    Of course, none of it excuses the behavior. Even if “the behavior is not a reflection of his worth as a person” – something “they” tell you in rehab – I worked in one for six weeks in grad school.
    He has to shape up. But it kinda bugs me that the guy is getting a pass. As far as I can tell he took no responsibility for the events of the night before last – he blamed it on the Phenergan and Ambien (both CNS depressants, correct, Dan).
    Evidently his problem is a disease. And Rush Limbaugh’s problem was a character issue. R-r-r-r-ight.
    The truth lies somewhere in between. More on the side of character for some, more on the clinical side of disease for others.
    That conclusion bought me a “B+” from my professor. Since the popular, PC diagnosis is that it’s a disease. I just saw waaaaaay too many people on the business end of a foot in their ass, and not make any progress during 30 days, to believe that it was 100% a disease across the board. Some folks just were plain crappy humans with bad character.
    Sigh. I’m going to bed. Sans Ambien.

  12. Lisa says:

    I always sorta kinda had a crush on him because he seemed more “catchable” than John-John. I could have moved to Rhode Island when I graduated from college and met him. It could’ve happened! It’s a SMALL state, how many single girls could there have been?! And even though he’s no JFKJr, he’s still a KENNEDY, right?

  13. Nightfly says:

    Eeeeek. That’s not all one may catch, Lisa.

  14. To me, the Kennedy men have always something ‘weak’ about them ~ I couldn’t point to a particular feature, it’s just something that strikes me as a smidge ‘off’ of the initial pretty impression. They’ve never appealed to me. (Then again, neither has Tom Cruise.)

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