Many Years Ago, I Contemplated Living Life

…as a brilliant, talented, drunken, drug addled genius. The common take is that, while someone who is dope FREE might be smart, an equally gifted dope FIEND is intellectually deep by virtue of his habits. I mean, I never wanted to make it to the ‘head in the oven stage’, but to have my tortured writings/paintings/warblings acclaimed by the world and, not coincidentally, filling my empty coffers? I would have enough to live in vast comfort, effect a reversal of my appalling downslide, become a beacon for hope, do good works and attend haute couture shows with first row seating after designers begged me to come. I was so there in my idyllic, girlish dreams. And dreams only. My earnest yearnings for the superficial caché awarded by unfortunate behaviours were swiftly truncated by the bald vanilla-ness of my life, to wit:
a. Talented, yes. But ‘brilliant is as brilliant does’ and I doubt I’d have the energy to convince the general public I was.
b. I never managed to keep pace with my toking peers to begin with, as I’m violently allergic to pot. That put a serious crimp in my high school years, not to mention my fledgling career as an addict. What a slacker.
c. When in that first flush of youth, drinking is relatively inexpensive if you’re blonde and willing to accept the charity of strange men other revelers. (I know, I know. “WHAT a calculating BITCH!”) But while I do less of it every year (more’s the pity), the quality’s significantly better, so it evens out. Like the fudge brownie/Diet Coke formula.
d. Even cheap drugs cost money and I would rather have shoes. (How shallow is that?) (It’s NOT. It’s common sense.)
e. My luck sucks. If I were in a squalid crack house hidden amongst twentyfive other drug addicts, the cops would invariably, inexorably and inevitably choose only me to haul off, stepping over (and dragging me across) the supine and unarrested multitude of bodies covering the floor.
It’s the way my life is and I’ve come to accept it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not just a teensy bit envious of those who never seem to run out of breaks

Cocaine charges against Lohan may be dropped
If they are dropped, she will only face misdemeanor drunk-driving charges
The Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office is disinclined to charge Lindsay Lohan with three drug-related felonies…

If it was me, days later they’d still be coming out with the charging matrix asking, “Can we get her for this, too?”
Damn. I would have made such a GOOD bad girl.

7 Responses to “Many Years Ago, I Contemplated Living Life”

  1. nightfly says:

    For people without any sort of self-control, it helps to have a strong example. The LA DA’s Office is not doing her a favor here. For some people, the door to cell block A is the only one that ever opens to a better life down the road.
    Throw the book at her, for her own sake.

  2. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Meh. Just another sign that our law enforcement/judicial system has mutated into some sort of honor-system based rehabilitation program for celebrities and/or wealthy idiots.
    Which does no one a favor. They should toss her in the drunk tank for the sake of those idiot beenie boppers who see Lohan as some sort of role model (Zoraster knows why).

  3. So, I bought some shoes today…

  4. The_Real_JeffS says:

    You would have been a good bad girl, Sis, but not good enough, I’m afraid to say. 🙁

  5. Kcruella says:

    THS is very charming when under the influence. What kind of shoes did you buy? I’ll be perusing the newly redone 8th floor of Saks on Sunday. It’s all shoes

  6. Bolt1493 says:

    What you need to be is rich enough to have the shoes and the cheap (even better the expensive) drugs. I am with you on the pot reaction though.

  7. (Cole Haan & Donald Pliner from the mark down bin, of course.)
    A warm Swill welcome and thank you for admitting that, Bolt! There’s comfort in numbers.

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