Nowak Is, Um…


A NASA astronaut is charged with attacking her rival for another astronaut’s attention early Monday at Orlando International Airport, the Orlando Sentinel has learned.
Lisa Marie Nowak drove from Texas to meet the 1 a.m. flight of a younger woman who had also been seeing the male astronaut Nowak pined for, according to Orlando police.
Nowak — who was a mission specialist on a Discovery launch last summer — was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, rubber tubing and plastic bags, reports show. Once U.S. Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman arrived, Nowak followed her to the airport’s Blue Lot for long-term parking, tried to get into Shipman’s car and doused her with pepper spray, according to reports.

Good Lisa!

Bad Lisa!

Police said that along with the weapons and other items in Nowak’s car, they found e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, Mapquest directions from Houston to the Orlando airport, and diapers, which Nowak told police she used so she wouldn’t have to stop on the drive.

From Tang to diapers. Not quite the same caliber as The Right Stuff, now is it?
I can see the new ad slogan already: “NASA depends on Depends!”

Monday’s arrest is the first-ever on felony charges for an active-duty astronaut, that the space agency was aware of, according to a spokesman.
“Her status as an astronaut with NASA is currently unchanged. I cannot speculate on what might happen beyond that,” said James Hartsfield, a NASA spokesman at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, where Nowak and Oefelein work.

Somehow I’m thinking our little Tonya Harding wannabe ain’t going back into space any time soon.

20 Responses to “Nowak Is, Um…”

  1. Gunslinger says:

    An obvious victim of Space Madness

  2. Mike Rentner says:

    That’s hilarious!
    NASA has such bad judgement on just about everything. They have become such PR and lobbying whores since the glory days of Apollo.
    The truth is that there is nothing special about being an astronaut, there is no special skills or intelligence or education that are required. NASA proves this by sending up school teachers and geriatrics whenever it is politically expedient.
    It’s no wonder Lisa went bad. She knew deep down that she is no better than a school teacher, who are known to have the lowest quality education available from our universities. She has no more strength or vitality than a 70 year old man. She has no more patriotism than foreigners. There’s really nothing to conclude that she has the “right stuff” except that she has a funny badge to wear on her uniform. The cognitive dissonance must be maddening!

  3. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Somehow I’m thinking our little Tonya Harding wannabe ain’t going back into space any time soon.
    The evidence says that she never returned from her last mission. Mentally, anywho.

  4. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Hmmmmmm… occurs to me, Mr. Bingley; if you fail in your gubernatorial campaign, will you be applying to NASA as as astronaut? There might be a mission specialist position opening sometime in the future.

  5. Nightfly says:

    Bah, JeffS got to my joke first. =P
    Also… Am I imagining this, or is this lady who stalks and maces her romantic rivals wearing a ring on the correct finger in the “good” photograph?
    Mike R is on to something – one can’t imagine Gus Grissom pepper-spraying Jim Lovell in long-term parking. I mean, geez, she looks like she just stumbled out of Denny’s.

  6. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Stumbled out of Denny’s? More like the local biker bar. Two hours after closing.

  7. Gunslinger says:

    The “bad” picture reminds me of the saying, “ridden hard and put away wet”.

  8. Mr. Bingley says:

    …mission specialist position…
    I can see the Mission Description from NASA now:
    “…and this mission requires a Basic Instinct Specialist…”

  9. Mr. Bingley says:

    ‘Fly, that ring might be in deference to her husband and 3 kids back home.

  10. The truth is that there is nothing special about being an astronaut
    Well, I can assure you, Mike, she IS a ‘space cadet’.

  11. major dad says:

    Is this women not a Navy Captain too?

  12. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Major Dad, her NASA biography says she is a lieutenant commander.
    Hey, she and you are the same rank! Is this an omen?

  13. Mr. Bingley says:

    He doesn’t use diapers in the car, Jeff.

  14. major dad says:

    Nope, think she’s a Captain and I’m partial to .45 caliber weapons vice BB guns anyway. When I’m by myself I’m good for at least 400 miles, with THS well it’s a lot less.

  15. glhoffman says:

    Seriously, is this not the funniest thing ever? Taking bets on whether they fire her or send her to rehab.

  16. The_Real_JeffS says:

    I stand corrected, Major Dad, I Googled that link in a hurry this morning, and failed to note that is NOT a NASA bio; this is her official bio.
    And I’d say you’re right about her rank, given her graduation from the Naval Academy in 1985. Looks likes she was an LCDR in 1996; with her career track, she’s certainly an O6 by now.

  17. The_Real_JeffS says:

    BTW, ditto on preferring the .45!
    Not to mention the 400 mile capacity.

  18. BWAHAHAHAHAhahaha!! The New York Post is calling her “the astro-NUT“!

  19. Seriously, is this not the funniest thing ever?
    If not THE funniest, damn near.

  20. ricki says:

    Well, I’ve also heard:
    “She went a little spacey.”
    “Houston, we have a problem.”
    “The Wrong Stuff.”
    The other thing: this was like a 15 hour drive, right? Did she not have to stop for gas? That’s what gets me – why put on the Depends when you know you’re gonna be stopping to gas up? It takes, like, two extra minutes to go and do whatever when you’re already at the gas station. (That was something a colleague and I were wondering about).
    I STILL maintain that this is a feel-good story for me. Because, even though I’m crazy, at least I’m not ASTRONAUT crazy.

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