Pssst! Hey little girl…want some Bayer?

My lovely and talented bride is a university professor (and no, none of her brilliance has rubbed off on me). One of her cardinal rules is that a student’s cell phone is only allowed to ring if someone has died; a reasonable prohibition given the complete breakdown of any semblence of decorum in their use these days.
So it was a bit of an attention grabber the other day in “Sixteenth Century Sonnet Writers, And The STDs They Died Of” (ENGLIT208) when her phone rang…

It was the middle school nurse, calling about our daughter who evidently wasn’t feeling well. Nothing at all life-threatening, mind you, but the kind of thing that a couple of aspirin (or 60 Tylenol Flu Caplets) would most likely have made tolerable.
Except the nurse is not allowed to give them to her. Not at all. Not without prior written consent. Please note that the nurse speaking to my wife on the phone does not constitute prior written consent.
Oh, and the school system has a name for kids whose parents think they’re smart and give the kids a couple Anacin to keep in their pockets and take if they don’t feel good. These kids are called “pushers.”
Yes, the only way for a kid to get an aspirin in school these days is for the parents to give a bottle (hermetically sealed against all known forms of nuclear attack) of them to the nurse, along with a notarized document stating the specific instances where under the afore mentioned nurse of the first part may, subject to the relative lunar positionings of the second part, dispense such controlled and dangerous substances to the party of the parents’ parts.
Amazing, really.
Especially when one considers that, in the State of New Jersey, while my daughter may need my written permission to have an aspirin, she, as a well-under 18 year old person, may get an abortion at any time without any notification to her parents at all.

15 Responses to “Pssst! Hey little girl…want some Bayer?”

  1. Laagos says:

    ::studies the newly spawned source in the dark side:: I ponder if I should be afraid of my being related to you. As for Cat, they shoulda told Macaronni to try and sleep it off; that’s what they did with me at St. Barbarras back in the day. =P

  2. Dave J says:

    Hey look: your very first comment spam! I guess you really have arrived.

  3. Mr. Bingley says:

    yes, dear ebola child, they may have told you that, but at a religious school one could get away with “meditating”. not so in the suburban public realm.

  4. Dave J says:

    Or maybe that’s not what it is, ‘cuz it’s pretty damn incomprehensible to me.

  5. Mr. Bingley says:

    actually, dave, he’s my nephew.
    although ‘spam’ is probably a fairly accurate description at times 😉

  6. Dave, as his mother (sigh), I feel it’s my civic duty to translate.
    ::studies the newly spawned source in the dark side::
    I am contemplating the newest blog on the web, which happens to be my Uncle’s.
    I ponder if I should be afraid of my being related to you.
    About the same thing Crusader meant, when he prayed to the Gods that he was adopted/abandoned, vice legitimately part of the gene pool.
    As for Cat, they shoulda told Macaronni to try and sleep it off;
    As for the most adored niece in question, they should have left her (the most adored niece in question by yet another nickname) to snooze a bit to recoup…
    that’s what they did with me at St. Barbarras back in the day.
    …which is what the fascists ~ at yet another Catholic school where his parents exiled him to ~ allowed him to do, in order that his wee pate should feel better.
    Whew. Hope that helps. We all understand him and forget the rest of the world might…scratch their heads in wonderment.

  7. Emily says:

    I wonder if this policy isn’t the result of some frivolous lawsuit or something?
    We should kill Dave J. just in case it is.

  8. aelfheld says:

    If I’m correct, the self-same policy is in effect in probably every school in the U.S.
    In some states, Texas among them, the piercing of a minor’s ears requires parental approval (no judicial bypass available), yet an abortion has no such restriction.

  9. Dave J says:

    Now, now, Emily: you know I’m no shill for the plaintiffs’ bar. I’d be far more useful helping you hunt down the 95+% of lawyers who make the rest of us look so bad.

  10. Mr. Bingley says:

    emily, my guess is you’re correct.
    dave, could we file a class-action suit against…lawyers?
    aelfheld, sadly, you’re probably correct. and welcome!

  11. Crusader says:

    At least we don’t have that problem at the school Crusader II attends….hehe

  12. Lisa says:

    My boys’ school has a slip that we sign at the beginning of the year stating that they (the nurse) can dispense Tylenol to our child. But they still call me and ask. Well, not ASK, really, they call and say, “A*** has a headache.” Pause. Then I have to say, “Give him some Tylenol and send him back to class.”

  13. Dave J says:

    “dave, could we file a class-action suit against…lawyers?”
    I’ve never heard of a class action where the defendants rather than the plaintiffs were the class, but I’ll look into it and let you know.

  14. Ken Summers says:

    I see a fundamental defect in your class-action idea. The lawyers you’re talking about have no class.

  15. Mr. Bingley says:

    hi lisa! welcome!
    not like when we were kids, that’s for sure, is it?

Image | WordPress Themes