Regrets, I Have A Few…

As Eric Idle asks Dan Akroyd in the “Rutles” movie, “what’s it like to be such an asshole?

SANTIAGO, Chile – Finland’s consul in Chile said Wednesday that a tourist from her country “really, really regrets” breaking the earlobe off one of the ancient Maoi statues on Easter Island.
Marko Kulju, 26, is under house arrest on the island after he allegedly ripped off the earlobe of a Maoi on Sunday and was seen taking a piece away as a souvenir after it fell to the ground and broke into pieces.
…”It was a sudden, impulsive crazy idea,” Loflund said. “He is sorry and is surprised that it has caused such a stir.

A photo released by Chilean Investigative Police shows one of the massive Moai statues whose right earlobe was stolen by a Finnish tourist in Easter Island on March 23.

So Marko’s on Easter Island, and on Easter Sunday he decides to break a freakin’ ear off of a priceless statue so he can bring a pebble back to Finland…and he regrets doing it and is surprised that people might be upset?
Well, in the immortal words of Sgt. Johnson in Halo

Cortana: “The message just repeats. ‘Regret, Regret, Regret.'”
Commander Keyes: “Catchy. Any idea what it means?”
Sgt. Johnson: “Dear Humanity… we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!”
Marine Pilots: “Ooh-Rah!”

6 Responses to “Regrets, I Have A Few…”

  1. As an outraged Brit might say (if they had any outrage left in them…) “‘Ear, ‘ear! We’ll ‘ave no more o’ that be’aviour!”

  2. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Sounds like that Finnish dude got an earful over his little escapade.

  3. Mr. Bingley says:

    I heard his favorite beer is “Nick-a-lobe”

  4. Weekends were made for it!

  5. Countryman says:

    This countryman of mine has been lynched high. Ear off. 7 years in a South American prison. There were more column meters published on the death of Princess Diana than there were on the invasion at Normandy. Soon there will be more column meters on this earlobe of the moai statute (1 out of 400-1000, the hungry media does not even know the number) than there are columns on the massive Buddha statutes annihilated by the Taleban regime. After this publicity, even a day there would kill him.
    And as I read the actual story behind the News from Congoo to Australia, it seems to me that he’s not proven to break it by purpose.
    A high-octan, adrenaline addict adventurer climbs on a top of a high and sacred monument. Bad enough. The Finn brokes the ear of this fragile lava type of stone. Worse enough. My countryman tries to hide it and runs away. Worst enough. (OK, Oll Korrect, he confessed what happened later on.) But this does not prove him a thief though the whole globe would shout and shoot so!
    It was the Easter week at the Easter Island. The same week the Finnish leaders of the Botnia pulp factory at the border river between Uruguay and Argentine were on trial in a South American court for “Planned damage”. After Finnish flags had been burnt in the streets of Argentine for 3 years for this biggest investment ever to the poor country of Uruguay. We have a classical scape goat and red herring here, it appears to me. Not every tattood boxer is suffering from Dementia pugilistica. In Finland we enjoy extreme sports, but the aim was not to vandalize it appears to me. So now we know we should prefer Tibet over the highest 22-meter Moai for climbing. That I want to apologize.
    An outrageous mob wanting to lynch a man is an old scene, only the internet phenomenon is new. A raging mob behaves irrationally when it goes out to lynch. The Unesco World Heritage was meant to do with true history and nobility of the native cultures. The local Rapa Nui (Isla de Pascua) people are not after this juridical murder. The hanging high a possibly innocent solitary tourist hiking alone accross the South American countries at the end of the world is in 180 degree opposition to the Unesco Heritage ethos!
    Pauli Ojala
    More on the topic:

  6. Mr. Bingley says:

    Hi Pauli.
    I somehow doubt that there is some sort of global cabal whose goal is to molest innocent Finns. He’s not being arrested/charged/tried/whatever because he’s a Finn but rather because he is, frankly, an asshole. Assholes transcend all racial and cultural divides.
    Perhaps he didn’t “intend” to break the ear off. So what. It’s a goddamned statue, not a climbing wall. I didn’t “intend” to break the Ming Dynasty vases when when I decided to play hockey inside the Museum, but only an asshole would fail to see that that was a very possible outcome. I didn’t “intend” to break the arm off of Michelangelo’s “David” statue, but hey, being an “extreme athlete” gives me the right to scamper up on it and escape any of the consequences, right?
    Give me a frikkin’ break.
    I haven’t heard of anyone wanting to “lynch” this stupid idiot, but it probably would do him some good if someone tried to knock some sense into his silly hide.

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