So, Bingley BASTARD

…what other treasures have you hoarded on your world travels? WE get the ‘fat guys picking up hookers’ in Rio stories, while you keep…

Brazilian STAR WARS to yourself!! Continue on, gentle readers, for more evidence of Bingley’s tricksies…

Bingley goes to Brazil. Bingley speaks Portugese. But Bingley never spoke of this, now did he??? (I thinks he also speaks with fork-ed tongue!!)

Brazilian Star Wars opens with a massive car chase. A lot of cars drive into a river for no discernable reason, so either half the people involved are narcoleptics, or more likely, the movie couldn’t afford any more stuntmen and had to fill a few driver positions with chimpanzees. Fifteen minutes of car chase later, it’s explained that one of the four tramps being chased slept with the girlfriend of the army doing the chasing. I wouldn’t put too much trust in this explanation, though. There’s a slight language barrier since the movie is in Portuguese, which I do not speak, and the subtitles are in English, which the person doing the subtitling does not speak. For example, when the tramps are discussing where to camp for the night, here’s how they reach their decision:
Tramp 1: “They wait for us there.”
Tramp 2: “This is full of gnats! Some are two-story tall.”

While the tramps are sleeping, a turtle with a candle stuck to its back wanders through their camp. Two of the tramps seem to think this is as strange as I do, but both of them go back to sleep hoping this supernatural horror will go away. Then the turtle waddles by and lights the third tramp on fire. While he’s running in circles and burning alive, it becomes clear that language barrier or not, this is going to be a seriously confusing movie.

Swill Saute: to Chris

4 Responses to “So, Bingley BASTARD…”

  1. Mr. Bingley says:

    Hey, I did those subtitles!

  2. After how many caipirihnas? Which you also, I might point out, neglected to share…

  3. Nightfly says:

    ¡Digame bastante! ¡Digame que usted mortate!
    No…Soy el padre…
    No es verdad. ¡Es imposible!
    Ayudame, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Éstas mi solamente esperanza.
    It works best if you use the heavily-inflected Unavision soap voice, and then shift to perfect non-accented English when you reach the name.

  4. Éstas mi solamente esperanza.
    Bob Estes is Esperanza’s soul mate? WHAT have they done with Darth Vader?
    (By the by, your quotes completely blew old Babelfish’s pea brain)

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