The Friday Fuck Off Thread

In a new venue this week through the kindness of Mr. Bingley and THS!
And this week, there are so many fuck offs and so little time. But here’s a small list off the top of my head:
Fuck off to corporate dweebs.
Fuck off to my sinuses.
Fuck off to spammers.
Fuck off to the master cylinder on my car, to the tune of $Outrageous.00
Okay, that’s enough for right now. Take it away!
UPDATE:Just thought of another one: Fuck off to jackass writers who throw in utterly irrelevant and useless “facts” just because they happen to be technically true and would sound really, really good if they were actually relevant (but aren’t). Specifically, I’m thinking of this sentence:

Hydrogenβ€”the most abundant element in the universeβ€”is an attractive carrier of renewable energy.

(My emphasis)

33 Responses to “The Friday Fuck Off Thread”

  1. Tainted Bill says:

    Insomnia can fuck off.
    The guy Emily is beating with his own femurs can fuck off. She should go all Scorsese on him and put his head in a vice.
    The price of flour can fuck off, the cost of bagels is up 33%!

  2. WordGirl says:

    You surprised me with Teh F-Bomb, Bing!
    How ’bout pregnancy due dates? And tree pollen? And people who keep asking me if the baby’s here yet?
    Yeah… what you said.

  3. ricki says:

    Two things, one serious, one not-so:
    Cancer can totally and completely and utterly fuck off. As I said on my blog, I hope Patrick Swayze gives pancreatic cancer the ass-whuppin’ it deserves.
    And mouthy students who have to turn every class discussion into “TMI share my issues” time can eff off. You’re entitled to your opinions on matters not related to class, it’s just that we don’t want to hear them IN CLASS. Wonder why I’m not doing so many discussions in your class any more? Might be because I’m sick of you using it as your own private psychiatrist’s couch/confessional.

  4. Susanna says:

    How did I know I could find the FFOT here? I knew it in my knower, that’s how!
    Tree pollens may verily fuck off. Cedar, mulberry, ash and the like.
    May those whose middle name is “I’ve Done Nothing Wrong, Ever” or “I Am Perfect” or “Look At This Fucking Phony Wall of Nice Covering This Rage” go get fucked gently with a rusty chainsaw by an unmedicated schizoid Yeti and kindly do so today and everyday until they realize that they, too, might have some responsibility in the problem and can therefore contribute to the solution. I am tired of the mothercrusting heavy lifting.
    Thank you and carry on friends.

  5. physics geek says:

    Apropos of nothing, the training department at my company can fuck the fuck off. Do I sound bitter? Good. Lucky for them I’m smart enough to survive their flaming hoops. Otherwise, there be some people in the hospital right now.
    What else? Oh yeah: dimwitted cows at the supermarket who turn their carts sideways so as to block the entire fucking aisle and them look outraged when I try to pass can fuck themselves before going straight to fucking hell and fucking off.
    Oh, and for the record? Hyrdrogen can’t the most abundant element in the universe. It’s got to be stupidity.

  6. (Word Girl ~ it’s our guest blogger Mr. Summers’ f-bomb. The FFOT is a time honored tradition on “It Come in Pints?”, where they’re having technical problems. We’re tickled to be playing host to help out our dear friends. The Bingster’s nowhere in sight, by the by. It’s called ‘Florida Golf Course’.)
    (Wait a MINUTE! GOLF course?!?!?!)
    Fuck off, Bingley BASTARD!

  7. mojo says:

    Helium β€” the second most abundant element in the universe β€” is an completely useless for producing energy.

  8. ricki says:

    physics geek,
    you and I must shop at the same places. Cannot stand the “We will now block the aisle for any and all traffic while we chat” behavior. It’s like, I’m so happy that you have no obligations on your time, but I have a LIFE to get back to. My LIFE does not consist of standing in front of the display of the many permutations of Cheerios and talking behind my friends’ backs and spreading gossip.
    I hate that ALMOST as much as I hate the people who block the aisles in the parking lot while they sit idling waiting for someone who has a “close in” spot to load up their car and drive off – effectively blocking EVERYONE ELSE in that lane from getting out and getting home.
    I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: if they could get order-over-the-Internet-and-have-delivered-at-home grocery service up and running in my town (but they WON’T because most people seem to ENJOY blocking the aisles at wal-mart to learn the hot new gossip about who’s divorcing), I’d gladly pay a premium for it.

  9. Val Prieto says:

    Mom and dad taught me to be well behaved when visiting other folks’ homes, so Ill do my best to control my usual potty mouth FFOT.
    Dumb buttocks techie guys that make life miserable for our good friends and FFOT hosts can FORNICATE THE FORNICATE OFF. Note to techie dude: the FORNICATING customer is always FORNICATING right, you dumb FORNICATING FORNICATE. Now sit BUTTOCKS down in front of your FORNICATING piece of FORNICATING MANURE computer and fix whatever FORNICATING problem our gracious hosts have and do it right FORNICATING now, you FORNICATING FORNICATE OF A FORNICATE.
    Those FORNICATING ANAL CANALS that saw fit to bomb the Marine recruiting center in Times Square can FORNICATE THE FORNICATE FORNICATING OFF, FORNICATING FORNICATORS. You little chicken MANURE little FORNICATORS are nothing but FORNICATING cowards and Im sure you would have the FORNICATING SCROTUM to have even attempted your little FORNICATING act of bull MANURE terrorism had there been just one US Marine there to beat your FORNICATING RECTUMS TO KINGDOM FORNICATING COME, you FORNICATING FORNICATES.
    I hope I havent offended anyone’s sensibilities, but I do feel so much better now.

  10. ricki says:

    “fornicating fornicators.” Hah. I love it.

  11. Wow. Even with the self-censorship, Val peeled some paint off my office walls.

  12. The_Real_JeffS says:

    Intergovernmental politics can fuck off. I’m hoping Suzanna can let me borrow that Yeti for a few days to do so.

  13. Cullen says:

    Fuck off to procrastination. Fuck you and your silver-tongued promise of not worrying about something later. Fuck me for procrastinating.

  14. Val,
    We appreciate you holding back. That was a handsome thing to do.
    ths’s tender sensibilities

  15. Joel says:

    How ’bout pregnancy due dates? And tree pollen? And people who keep asking me if the baby’s here yet?
    Preach it, pregnosaurus! πŸ˜›
    CCFOAD. As always. Including the golf-ball-sized tumor they just found in my uncle’s head.
    The son of a motherless goat who designed the engine compartment of my minivan can fuck off with rusty wrong-sized monkey wrenches. (Or wong-sized monkeylike wenches.)
    The vulture-voice vaginaclot in my office can fuck off with white-out-encrusted paperclips. I know this project is overdue, you squealing, snippy waste of cellulite. It’s overdue because you and your entire sales team haven’t got enough brain cells between you to trip up a passing aphid. So now it’s somehow my sacred duty to cover your sorry, flabby asses once again.
    Oh, and when you demand that I come in on the weekend to do it, don’t think I can’t tell that you’re deliberately trying to arrange it for when I’m at the second job I have to take in order to afford the sublime delight of working with your drooling staff of mongoloids.

  16. nightfly says:

    Cancer can FTFO, repeatedly.
    Second to Val’s PG-13 screed against the Times Square pansies. I’m actually hoping Code Pink or someone of similar ilk “claims responsibility” so they can make little rocks out of big rocks for the next forty years. Treasonous worms.
    And the California State Supreme Court, in the person of Justice H Walter Croskey, can FTFO for this flaming turd of a decision. These jokers really won’t be satisfied until children are the exclusive property of the state and their parents are merely breeding stock.
    Here in New Jersey, we’ve had statewide mock trial champions from homeschools. In ten years, I hope they all take your job and smash all of your rights-grubbing statist power-trips into largish hunks, which will then be cheese-dipped and fed into your hindmost via linear induction.

  17. Joel says:

    As I said on my blog, I hope Patrick Swayze gives pancreatic cancer the ass-whuppin’ it deserves.
    My ex-wife and I had an agreement that she could watch Patrick Swayze movies and I could watch Lauren Bacall films, and neither would count as spiritual adultery. πŸ™‚

  18. nightfly says:

    OK – I can FTFO for not investigating too closely. The Ace of Spades has more info on the sentiments expressed above. But you have to admit, the Times article and the quote from Justice Croskey lend itself to a certain conclusion that required the application of cheese and knobs.

  19. Kate P says:

    All right, WG got introduced to the FFOT–welcome!
    I’m down with ALL the preceding FO’s. And the circumstances under which the FFOT had to appear here can FTFO with fractured femurs.
    The recurring headache I’ve had all week and the events perpetuating it can FTFO. Something tells me it might disappear at 5:00:01 this evening.
    I love Val’s “find and replace” toned-down FO. I might have to start calling people “dumb buttocks” in traffic.

  20. I might have to start calling people “dumb buttocks” in traffic
    A funny aside along those lines. There’d beena big NASCAR pile-up on Sunday, completely caused by one driver’s…um…aggressiveness. One of the wrecked drivers clawed his way out of his car and then stormed up the racetrack to scream obscenities and gesture emphatically at the still intact miscreant passing by under yellow. The TV crew could drown out the sound but they sure couldn’t change that middle finger waving. Darrell Waltrip quipped: “He’s tellin’ him ‘You da MAN! You da MAN!'”
    Have adopted the same.

  21. Kate P says:

    Ha ha! Yeah, he was Number One with a different finger–that’s it.

  22. GMT says:

    FTFO to the FECES that I ran over this morning AND the ANUSES that put it there, which caused my back tire to blow. I FREAKING hate people that just throw trash and other FECES in the road, just so people like me who are trying to save a few $$ by actually riding a bike to work instead of having an automobile, can run over it and throw money down the drain by purchasing more and more bike inner tubes. Cant you FREAKING clean the front of your house up and sweep up all of the trash that inevitably lands there? I probably have the 2nd – 3rd cleanest on my street, you can try for the same can’t you, FREAK-TARDS?
    I HATE FREAKING BEGGING OTHERS WHO HAVE THEIR OWN THINGS THAT THEY HAVE TO DO TO BAIL ME OUT OF A SITUATION THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE. I had other things that I could have been doing instead of fixing the tube this morning… Now I am at least 40 minutes behind in what I should have done, and since I am currently Thank [deity of your own choice] I have awesome co-workers and a very lovely and understanding wife!
    Time for some “Milk and Cookies” with the coworkers tonight – My favorite flavor of “milk” is Guinness
    I feel much better now…

  23. GMT says:

    “I am currently” … already late, I decided to write this, So…

  24. The_Real_JeffS says:

    227 megabyte PowerPoint files can FTFO with cheese dipped keyboards. Jeez! Talk about dragging down computer performance……

  25. Gunslinger says:

    Chicago politics can fuck off.
    Waukegan traffic can fuck off.
    The management at my job can fuck off twice (because they won’t get it right the first time.)
    Overinflated gas prices can fuck off.
    Crappy reality TV shows can fuck off.
    Hollywood can fuck off.
    The recording industry can fuck off.
    Raisin Bran Crunch commercials can fuck off.
    “The View” can fuck off.
    Noisy water pipes at 3:30 AM can fuck off.
    The continued sub-freezing temperatures (particularly when I have to unload tanker trucks) can fuck off.
    Cheap tequila can fuck off.
    Forklifts that leak like a sieve every couple of days can fuck off.
    Crappy Sci-Fi Original movies can fuck off.

    That’s about it for now.

  26. Joel says:

    this superannuated hippie hosebeast can fuck off with a vengeance. Go ahead and don’t blame yourself, you shitty pathetic excuse for a mother foal-dropper. It’s okay. We all blame you enough to make up for it.

  27. Joel says:

    Sorry. “Mother” was supposed to have a strike-through.

  28. Julie says:

    The stomach flu can fuck off! πŸ™

  29. having a grumpy day says:

    Okay, I’m late to this party but can I post an Anonymous Sunday FOAD (if that’s not too blasphemous?)
    I second (or third or fourth) the CCFOAD and raise it by:
    *Hospitals which let fucking L-platers do fucking lumbar punctures can FUCK OFF
    *People who bring their 4 young children to treatment centre waiting rooms and let them run around like they’re at a playground and drive everyone else mad because they can’t be bothered to get a babysitter can FUCK OFF
    *Do-gooders who suggest that you probably wouldn’t have gotten cancer if you had had better nutrition, stayed away from alcohol, not used chemicals in the home, not used aluminium-based antiperspirants, exercised more, been more easy-going, read the Bible, not had a microwave in your home, eaten more whole grains, made use of the healing power of crystals, etc etc etc… can all FUCK OFF AND DIE!!
    Thank you. πŸ™‚ I feel better now.

  30. Oh, grumpy, for a rookie on the FFOT, that was EXCELLENT!

  31. Grumpy says:

    Yep, that was downright therapeutic. I like seeing it in print. I think I’ll make Friday FO a regular part of my “complementary therapy” regime LOL!
    And I’m only sort of a rookie around these traps – “Grumpy” is just my new dedicated FFOT screen name πŸ˜‰

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