escape me. Have I no heart, no compassion? Or is it that I just can’t stand other people’s children.

30 Responses to “Words”

  1. Dan Collins says:

    Well, other people’s children are so . . . docile.
    “I fear nothing as fiercely as I do toilets. Especially public toilets.”
    Bush has got to start getting the message out again.

  2. Mr. Bingley says:

    Does she sort of get the point that her little Ford is a horror, thanks to her?

  3. Crusader says:

    It must be her child i end up getting to watch. Lord, I know Crusader III is a handful, just ask the CAG.

  4. Mike Rentner says:

    Talk about clueless. How can one person so blatantly appear so ignorant in their own writing. You really have to try hard to look as foolish as she does.

  5. Mike Rentner says:

    I should have figured out the ending by paying better attention to the kid’s name. Who names their kid, “Ford?”

  6. John says:

    People who use last names as first names for their kids will be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes.
    In a rare FOB moment, my wife wanted to do this, but we settled on an old Scotts-Irish name. A first name.

  7. I know Crusader III is a handful
    And was doomed to be so, since you and my darling CAG had ALREADY RAISED one productive, polite and gentlemanly citizen of the world. It’s generally a given that Child Number Two, if the first was a dreamboat, will be a whirling dervish. (Hence, only Ebola in this family. I was not prepared to pay back what I’m SURE was due.)
    Now, “Ford” is Child Number One. An perky newspaper column announced Child Number Two is on the way.

  8. (Actually “Chevy” is more a geographic name, vice a car make.)

  9. Crusader says:

    Hupmobile? Packard? Stanley Steamer?

  10. Dan Collins says:


  11. Susanna says:

    My vote is for “BUICK.” Which is the sound said child will make when ralphing all over vacation bible school teacher part two.
    Or “RALPH.” That’s good.
    Yes, I am a jerk, too. A childless, unsympathetic jerk who spent five days housebound in a torrential rainstorm with my new three year old nephew/Satan-boy. Whose only outlet, apparently is the Fart and Booger Channel (aka Nickelodeon) and yelling at anyone taller than himself. His parents are an M.D. and a soon-Ph.D. who engage in liberal, permissive parenting. Parenting by proxy. Parenting by Nickelodeon. He was asked not to return to the Sunshine School. And his parents’ feelings were hurt, too. I actually locked myself in my room to hide from this demon spawn.
    Demon spawn, incidentally, whose older 7 year-old sister is an angel and doesn’t give a rip about TV and likes to play dominos with the double 9’s with her new auntie Susu.

  12. Mike Rentner says:

    I keep going back and reading this article and finding more ways to revile the author.
    She’s clearly one of those nasty people whose cars are nothing more than rolling trash cans. Yuck.
    And notice how at the end she somehow claims that other people throw stuffed toys in toilets, neatly sidestepping the fact that her own brat is the one that throws toys in toilets.
    There is hope though. Her father seems to have some grounding in reality.
    This article is so pathetic I wonder if it’s really a parody.

  13. Ken Summers says:

    Susanna, when my wife was pregnant with Daughter Number One, and suffering some rather severe morning sickness, our good friend tactfully suggested we name the child Ralph.

  14. Which is far better than “Blanche”, the female version of “Ralph”.
    “Excuse me, I have to go outside and BLLAANNCCCHHHE !!!
    Not to mention the fact that every neurotic in American literature and film is named…that name.

  15. Dan Collins says:

    I have a friend who named his son Lance. Lance Boyle.

  16. Mr. Bingley says:

    I have a friend like that, Dan. His name is Justin. Justin Case, insurance salesman.

  17. Susanna says:

    This is going in a bad direction, but I have severe frontal lobe damage and therefore poor executive function control. And I suspect most of you do, too.
    So, has anyone met Philip MacCrevass?

  18. Nightfly says:

    A skilled teacher knows how to reach each student individually. A skilled teacher knows there are different ways to teach different children.
    And to what end are those skills employed? Why are we reaching the children? All together now – to teach them the acceptable standards of behavior and knowledge! I’d guess the kid needs it; one has to work to get punted from a Vacation Bible Camp.
    I personally hope that Ford winds up with a younger brother named Guy. That beats the alternatives I’m seeing here.
    Hold on a minute, I’ll check…
    AMANDA HUGGANKITZ? Excuse me, everybody, I’m looking for Amanda Huggankitz! Why can’t I find Amanda Huggankitz?

  19. one has to work to get punted from a Vacation Bible Camp.
    Oh yeah, big Christians, right?
    That’s what makes it even more hilarious. Those folks can put up with ANYthing.

  20. Emily says:

    This woman is an irredeemable twit. It couldn’t possibly be her precious that’s the problem. No, the teachers are supposed to adapt to allow her ankle-biting brat to commit kindergarten terrorism. I hate mothers like this. My aunt actually retired early from her job as a junior high teacher because she’d had it with all the parents that would get in her face for trying to discipline their perfect, angelic children.

  21. nobrainer says:

    Aside from this woman appearing to be a blithering idiot, her point doesn’t even make the slightest bit of sense.
    If the school has “skilled teachers” then they already have a system and her dad is right; the school won’t change for the brat. (Although I suggest that she does tell the teacher about her precious demon-child so they can beware and smack him into shape as she should have done long ago.)
    And if the school doesn’t have “skilled teachers”, what is she going to do? Have a special-treatment hissy fit where she throws her own stuffed dog in the toilet? Or is she just going to teacher shop until her precious can find a teacher who is equally stupid in regards to disciplining a child?
    Oh well, at least this woman has opened her mouth and removed all doubt. This will only accelerate her move to an area where she and her family can be understood.

  22. And here’s where I step in with the dramatic reveal ~ Who this woman is and why it pisses the beejeebus out of me that she’s getting paid to write whilst I am not. (When I actually thought of volunteering a column like this and just kept thinking…years before she moved here and got the job. “THS of ACTION” I am not, regretfully ~ story of my life.)
    Anyway…she showed up in town a couple years ago and began writing a column for the local fishwrap on the trials and tribulations of being a military wife. She’s so inane and ridiculous, that we would laugh “like, what Navy is she in?” Turns out, her street cred consists of being a Rear Admiral’s daughter, so an officer’s brat who lived on base her whole life. Until she married the kid down the street, aNOTHER officer’s brat who just happens to NOW be…a navy pilot and flight instructor here at NAS. Dear God. She has no clue what a LCpl’s 19 year old bride with two kids goes through ~ lived her whole life in this privileged little bubble and her babble reflects it. Somehow her ineptitude appeals to the very heart of all things near and dear to pretentious poseurs and the elite press, and voil√°! Fame, fortune, book deals, movies and the New York Times comes a callin’. Gag.
    The injustices in this world.

  23. Mr. Bingley says:

    So, has anyone met Philip MacCrevass?
    I actually know and have met the following 2 very real people. I’m normally not one for summary execution of parents, but for these two folk’s folks I’ll make the exception:
    Richard Payne
    Michael Hoch

  24. Rob says:

    Here in New Orleans, there was a Dick Bohn.
    Went to school with one of his sons.

  25. Argh. Since it’s come to this, ALL real racing fans should remember he who is only referred to as YOU know who…”

  26. Mr. Bingley says:

    Hahahahaha, not being a real racing fan, I’d never heard of him.

  27. Susanna says:

    Philip MacCrevass was a fraternity brother of…
    Phil McCracken
    I’m going to go hide somewhere now. Seriously. Don’t tell the Junior League. Of San Antonio. Here, let me give you their phone number…

  28. Nightfly says:

    And if the school doesn’t have “skilled teachers”, what is she going to do? Have a special-treatment hissy fit where she throws her own stuffed dog in the toilet?
    It’s best to break the habit before the kid graduates to real animals.
    This will only accelerate her move to an area where she and her family can be understood.
    Ah – but that’s the catch. It turns out that the teacher understood them far too well already, which is how Precious Tyke was summarily flunked from basic (so to speak).
    Ms Sister – the mother’s background doesn’t really surprise me, but it seems clear from Real Admiral Dad’s reax to the event that he’s on the level. She probably has an overdeveloped sense of “how hard my childhood was” and swore that she’d never repeat her parents’ mistakes. (Usually that means making all new ones, but nobody’s perfect!)
    I am so with you on the frustration thing, though. Remember how I decided not to toss my hat into the ring for the radio job contest some months back? The first time I heard the winner on the air, she was screeching about how schools had to enforce free speech by punishing the students for things they said on their own web sites – and that the caller who disagreed was (AND I QUOTE) “a slut.” She then claimed that by the caller’s logic the radio station couldn’t punish her for calling the listener names, even though (unlike this student) she was doing so on company time, using the company’s airwaves.
    Thank God for blogs, where we can run up our own little corner of sanity in the wilderness.

  29. Oh, Diptera, you are right on so many counts. (And such a partner in misery is always welcome!)

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