You Gotta LOVE a Religion Where EVERYBODY

gets VIRGINS!! The New York Times thoughtfully prints a few jihadi rules. Of course, not without the obligatory whacko-scary moment while interviewing these scary whackos.

We were in a small house in Zarqa, Jordan, trying to interview two heavily bearded Islamic militants about their distribution of recruitment videos when one of us asked one too many questions.
“He’s American?” one of the militants growled. “Let’s kidnap and kill him.”

Now, back to those rules! Rule number two?

Rule No. 2: You can kill children, too, without needing to feel distress.
…True, Islamic texts say it is unlawful to kill children, women, the old and the infirm. In the Sahih Bukhari, a respected collection of sermons and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad, verse 4:52:257 refers to Ghazawat, a battle in which Muhammad took part. “Narrated Abdullah: During some of the Ghazawat of the Prophet a woman was found killed. Allah’s Apostle disapproved the killing of women and children.”
But militant Islamists including extremists in Jordan who embrace Al Qaeda’s ideology teach recruits that children receive special consideration in death. They are not held accountable for any sins until puberty, and if they are killed in a jihad operation they will go straight to heaven. There, they will instantly age to their late 20s, and enjoy the same access to virgins* and other benefits as martyrs receive.

* I have played ‘Ask the Iman’ with make-believe mullah major dad, who explains:

“Those worthless female catmeats who are gloriously blown to bits for Islam are immediately transformed into succulent, 20 year old virgins! Allah akBAR, baby!!!”

From this:
…to this…

…just like that! NOW we’re talkin’ MIRACLES.
(Print version here)

2 Responses to “You Gotta LOVE a Religion Where EVERYBODY

  1. But, um, I still have to die, right? Hey, I loves me some 1920s cheesecake as much as the next guy, but dying seem just a wee bit extreme.

  2. Oh, almost forgot, but martyr chicks don’t get virgins. They get dwarfs. But to each his own…

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