Bottoms Up!

One thing that always sort of puzzled me is christians who don’t drink for ‘religious reasons’. I mean, Jesus brought the wine to the wedding, right? He drank wine all the time. Sure, we are commanded in Matthew (I think?) not to get drunk, and that’s on the list of non-10 Commandments commandments that I will get around to following eventually, but I can’t recall any place where He says “don’t drink.” Oh sure, He says He’s not going to drink wine anymore, but heck, He well knows that in heaven you don’t need no stinkin’ wine. And anyway, isn’t the full phrase “I won’t drink the fruit of the vine again until I drink it with you in heaven” or something like that?
Look. If you don’t drink because you don’t like the taste or the way it makes you feel, fine. I feel the same way about chocolate milk.
If you don’t drink because once you start you can’t stop and you become a slobbering obnoxoid then I’m glad you’ve made the decision to stop, but don’t blame baby Jesus.
And please don’t deny me my bottle.

19 Responses to “Bottoms Up!”

  1. Ken Summers says:

    There is no wine in heaven, only the best.

  2. Tainted Bill says:

    I would like to point out that in the Pastafarian Heaven, there is a beer volcano.

  3. Lisa says:

    Well, since this is directed at me, I can tell you that my parents believe that although the commands are against drunkenness, not against drinking alcohol at all (even the apostle Paul advised Timothy to “take a little wine for your stomach’s sake” — because, presumably, Timothy was drinking water instead of wine. The water during those times was akin to Mexican water today, and it was upsetting ol’ Tim’s tum-tum), there is ALSO a commandment to “abstain from all appearance of evil.”
    To most people I know who choose not to drink, the fact that a lot of drinking leads to drunkenness, or is done in unsavory places, falls under the “appearance of evil” and is to be avoided.
    But Carry A. Nation my parents are not. They just don’t drink or allow drinking in their home. They’re not fanatics about it. I don’t drink around them, mainly because I don’t want to get into a huge discussion about it, that’s all.

  4. Crusader says:

    I agree 100%. As a member of an SBC church, it is one of the things I just don’t see eye to eye with the church on. It was long after I joined a church before I stopped drinking, and had nothing to do with the church being for/against it, I just got tired of drinking, and it was not a great thing for me to be doing, health-wise. It is a waste of the churches time to bother about it, imo, and is counter-productive, if anything.

  5. major dad says:

    This would be better discussed at Happy Hour.

  6. Crusader says:

    This would be better discussed at Happy Hour.

    Would be a bit one sided then, wouldn’t it?

  7. Mr. Bingley says:

    Ah, ok Lisa. It wasn’t directed at you, as I know many people who don’t drink for “religious reasons” (I’ve often considered keeping a list of their phone numbers in my wallet for those times when I’m out too late at a bar and I need a ride…seems like a win/win situation to me) but it was certainly inspired by your Christmas post (which I loved), it got the question bubbling up like the head on a freshly drawn pint of Guinness (alright alright, I know that the bubbles in Guinness go down, not up; it’s my metaphor to mangle at my leisure). It’s a question I’ve wondered about for a long time.
    What always confuses me is that, given our sinful nature, “everything” we do not only gives the appearance of evil, but is in fact evil, no? Even the most ardent church-goer is, at their core, a sinner (yes, yes, once you have faith in Christ then you start changing your ways and not everything you do is sinful). I mean I can see where I guess it’s a case of choosing your battles; drunkeness is an easy sin to avoid if you ban the booze from the gitgo, while the other ones take a bit more work. But it’s the man who is sinful, not Johnny Walker.

  8. Crusader says:

    Bing, for many folks, drinking gets lumped into the “abstain from all appearance of evil” catagory only because it just happens to not be their sin-of-choice.

  9. Lisa says:

    Oh, I agree. It’s one of the problems I have with my church — if they spent as much time railing against gluttony or pride as they do drinking, the world, and the church, would be a better place.
    I’ve argued with my parents until I’m blue in the face that I don’t think drinking ITSELF is the problem, but letting drink take control of your life or putting it before God IS, and they agree, but still, no Christmas jello-shots.

  10. Mr. Bingley says:

    Dang, and they come in such festive colors at Hughes’, don’t they?

  11. Lisa says:

    I know!

  12. Ken Summers says:

    In heaven there is no smoke
    That’s why we’d better have another toke
    ‘Cause someday when we croak
    All our friends will be smoking all our smoke

  13. Emily says:

    Who is denying you your bottle, Mr. B? I want names so I can hunt them down and kill them.

  14. Mr. Bingley says:

    Just a philosophical observation, Emily. No one has tried…yet. Well, actually, I have been known to bring my own beer to the houses of folks who are anti-alcohol. A little rude, ’tis true, but I was thirsty and I took it all with me when I left.

  15. Emily says:

    Thank God. Imagining your suffering was almost unbearable.

  16. NJ Sue says:

    It’s a good thing that my dear Bingley never attempted to bring alcohol through the threshold of my dear departed grandmother’s house. As a charter member of the Paola, Kansas chapter of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, she wouldn’t even let her own husband drink in the house. He had his own private bottle at the drugstore counter downtown. After he died and my grandmother moved out of the house, her sons found empty beer bottles stashed up in the basement rafters. They never told her.

  17. Kcruella says:

    How could you not like chocolate milk Bingley???

  18. Mr. Bingley says:

    It always upsets my stomach.
    Could be that my milk allergy plays a role.

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