So When You GO BLIND Looking at FILTHY PORNY Playboys Like Sister Mary Margaret SAID You Would…

TODAY’S ULTIMATE MORAL AUTHORITY FORECAST:
“YOU’LL GO BLIND”

…don’t sweat the small stuff! I gotcha covered.

A Whole Different Playboy Channel – for the Blind

Suzi Hanks reads Playboy magazine for the articles. And the jokes. And the letters and cartoons. And yes, for the pictures.

Each week, for an hour, Hanks snuggles close to a microphone in a tiny soundproof closet, reading — and describing in great detail — portions of the latest Playboy issue for the blind.

…As for the photos, consider Miss August. Hanks examines in great detail the magazine’s trademark monthly centerfold subject. The picture becomes clear.

I’m thinkin’ this is almost a twofer, right? The magazine AND one of those 1-800 heavy breathing numbers?

Bargains abound lately.

“So You’re Gonna Tell Me, That In a Six Month Period, You Found ONE T-Shirt…”

“…from a guy you DON’T KNOW, that said something offensive?“

O’Reilly eats this NAACP guy alive. A thing of beauty.

Signs Of The Impending Zombie Apocalypse

Our new Super Genius Economic adviser in charge of making the economy alive again…is a ghoul

Washington (CNN) — President Obama could announce as early as Friday morning that he will tap Austan Goolsbee to be chairman of the White House Council of Economic Advisers, according to two senior administration officials familiar with the announcement.

“There are no brains in this White House for me to eat. I was promised braiiiiiiiiiiins.”

OKAY! I KNOW I Shouldn’t Feed Laura’s Addictions

…but Ebola doesn’t live home anymore, so there’s no one else who understands. (It’s this or Hasselhoff, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT…WHINERS…)

Look, Laura! Cool, huh?

A Stern Dubuque Rebuke

U.S. Marines Free German-Owned Ship From Pirates

U.S. Marines early Thursday boarded and took control of a German-owned commercial vessel that had been attacked and captured by pirates, in what appeared to be the first American-led military boarding of its kind amid the recent surge in piracy along the east coast of Africa.

…It reportedly took the Marines an hour to subdue the pirates and retake the ship, the M/V Magellan Star, which had been attacked early Sept. 8. The nine captured pirates remain on the Magellan Star awaiting transfer. No shots were reported fired as Marines overtook the pirates, and no injuries or casualties were reported.

OO-RAH!!

(And the weary cynic in me says “Great. Right up to where the judge lets the pirates go…“)

“Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Unemployment Figures Outta My Hat

…Magic Ass!

The BLS has announced that as a result of the Labor Day weekend, 9 states (among which the biggest one California) did not report initial claims data to the bean counters, so instead the government had to “estimate” what the data would have been: yep, estimate, what the data was in these nine states.

Since the government got to make-it ALL up, GUESS which way unemployment went?

Oh, COME ON!!!! guessguessguess

YES! It. Went. D.O.W.N.

New U.S. claims for unemployment benefits fell more than expected last week to a two-month low, while the trade deficit narrowed sharply in July, hopeful signs for the stuttering economic recovery.

I sh*t you not.

“Unexpectedly HOPEful”, even.

Oh Puh-Leeeeeeeeze

Here’s the continuing push by these people. As I’ve said previously, this mosque is nothing more than a big FU to the US, and I’m ok with that, really, but let’s be honest about it. There is no large community of muslims who live in the area that need this huge place, the place is not going to be named “Cordoba House” because of the rich Corinthian leather of the settee in the foyer.

Like I said, let them build it but let’s be honest about why they are and what it symbolizes.

And now we get the Imam dropping some suave nuanced subtlety our way last night

(CNN) — The religious leader behind plans to build an Islamic center and mosque a few blocks from New York’s ground zero said Wednesday night that America’s national security depends on how it handles the controversy.

“If we move from that location, the story will be the radicals have taken over the discourse,” Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf told CNN’s Soledad O’Brien on “Larry King Live.”

“The headlines in the Muslim world will be that Islam is under attack.”

…Moving the project to another location would strengthen Islamist radicals’ ability to recruit followers and will likely increase violence against Americans, the imam said.

The imam said the Taliban would exploit the move for propaganda purposes, drumming up anger toward the U.S. and making it harder for allied troops to carry out their mission of protecting Afghan civilians.

Oops, sorry; had a cut-n-paste confusion on that last paragraph.

We are very angry!”

There strategery is brilliant and plays off our inherent why-can’t-we-all-just-get-along-ness: pushpushpush and use the media’s bias to portray themselves as the poor victims. Oh, and threaten us with nebulous “further violence” from shadowy others if we aren’t “reasonable.”

I always thought that was called “extortion.”

Silly me.

How Happy Is the Blameless Vestal’s Lot!

…JIM LEHRER: So, the Obama administration shouldn’t accept — or doesn’t deserve any blame for what has happened over the last two years to try to dig this out and for things not to have happened quicker?

TIMOTHY GEITHNER: Think of the way — again, I’m not the right person to ask about politics, Jim, but think about what the dominant debate has been over this country for much of the — at least the first part in ’09, which was that the administration was doing too much for the economy too quickly.

What the president did was absolutely essential. Nothing would have been possible without it. Without the president of the United States and the Federal Reserve acting aggressively to stop an economy in freefall, help put out that financial fire, nothing would have been possible.

Now, you can look back — and people will look back over time — to say, could you have found a way politically to do more? It’s hard to know the answer to that question now. But you can see the president of the United States acted with extraordinary speed and a lot of political courage, because he knew that all the things necessary to start to arrest that crisis, repair the damage, were going to be politically unpopular, difficult to do, and he was willing to take that risk, as he should have been, because that was the responsible thing to do.

VIRGINAL TRANSLATION: No, we don’t deserve any blame, Jim. In fact, we did TOO much, TOO fast, damn our eyes, and probably deserve some sort of sugary, high calorie dessert or a week in Martha’s Vestal Vineyard instead. Maybe a game of Herocles’ Horse with LeBron of Lyceum, but no blame! And trust me, you can take THAT to the Barack Bank.

Give Peace a Chance: Let’s Smooth Ruffled Feathers With Some…

CHRIS CHRISTIE PRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I sat here, stood here, and very respectfully listened to you. If what you want to do is put on a show and giggle every time I talk, well then I have no interest in answering your question.”

R.I.P. Glenn Shadix: One of My Favoritest Character Actors

…in one of my favoritest roles of his ~ the Mayor ~ in one of my FAVORITEST movies of ALL time.

“Please! I’m only an elected official here! I can’t make official decisions by myself!”
And he was in another favoritest as Otho, the Designer ~ the big guy in black.

Speaking of “FREE SPEECH” ~ I Heard There Are Still

…some good seats available…

Tri-C students recruited to fill the seats for Obama’s appearance

They were dragging them out of the basement coffeeshop, for God’s sake.
Hope they let her finish her Danish.

Sorry General

It is unacceptable for a military commander to seek to influence a US citizen’s right to Free Speech.

End of story.

Broadway, 5:46 AM, September 8th

I’m guessing they’re filming a new “Batman” movie…

Quiche Derange

Bacon Circus Peanut Key Lime Pie.

It began innocently enough.

But then, it always seems that way, doesn’t it? What could possibly be the harm you might think of Laura casually mentioning in a comment over at Aggie’s that she was

…going to hold out trying this one (a chocolate flavored wine) and wait for a Circus Peanut flavored wine. Oh, or bacon. Oooh, or a combo of the two. Mmmmmm.

and, well, the damage was done. The seed was sown. The grim was reaping.

Why did she have to say that? Why??

I’ll tell you why. She knew, in that corrupted Tyrannosaurus worshiping psyche of hers that I would not, nay could not resist the siren call that would draw me oh so close to wreckage on the treacherous rocks of culinary infamy.

She knew I would be forced to make this

The Pah of Death.

How did I arrive at this fateful place? It started with these

and the experience gleaned from my last foray into Better Living Through Circus Peanuts: the damned things don’t melt. So I decided in a boldly innovative way that I needed one of these

Say hello to the Blender.

Powdery Pulverized Peanuts.

Perfect.

The rest of the ingredients were standard enough for Key Lime Pie: key lime juice, egg yolks, sweetened condensed milk.

Oh yes, there was one other thing.

bacon

Sweet crumbly fried bits of porcine belly of salty smoky heaven that is you, dear glorious bacon, joined in a joyous mélange of vibrant tastes, textures and colors

sure to delight the daring and urbane palate of even the most jaded of food sophists.

Let the record show my Bride said “Gack!” and Daughter demurred on trying a piece, citing a previous engagement in the Emergency Room.

It actually wasn’t that bad, really. As I hoped the salty bacon added a pleasing counterpoint to the tartness of the Key Lime and the flavor was rounded out by the subtle banana essence supplied by the Circus Peanuts.

The doctors have promised me a full recovery.

“They Talk About Me Like a Dog”

from Profiles in Curage

by President Barack Obama

From the comments over at Althouse:

November 4, 2012
Doggone

Now THAT’S change you can believe in!

What Ever Happened To All Those “Shovel Ready” Projects Last Time?

So The Whine wants to spend $50 billion now

MILWAUKEE — President Obama, looking to stimulate a sluggish economy and create jobs, called Monday for Congress to approve major upgrades to the nation’s roads, rail lines and runways — part of a six-year plan that would cost tens of billions of dollars and create a government-run bank to finance innovative transportation projects.

With Democrats facing an increasingly bleak midterm election season, Mr. Obama used a speech at a union gathering on Labor Day, the traditional start of the campaign season, to outline his plan. It calls for a quick infusion of $50 billion in government spending that White House officials said could spur job growth as early as next year — if Congress approves.

So they blow through $800 billion last year for “shovel ready” projects and every single one of their really smart predictions by the really smart people who came up with that really smart plan turned out to be really really wrong.

The only thing “shovel ready” out of DC is all the crap they spout.

Pop Quiz!

I filleted a tenderloin today

Can anyone name one person who might have been exceedingly interested in what I was doing?

Ebola Is Home For the Weekend, So Special Requests Rule

…at casa de major dad. Friday night was Steak Night (as Kcruella and JeffS can attest), as it ever was when sweet child skulked blessed us regularly with his presence. Last night was his favorite marinated lamb loin chops, in sufficient quantity for two normal humans and one raptor.

Everyone was thrilled to have the boy home, obviously.

(The damn lima beans are ALLLLL major dad and Ebola. BLECH. I need another slurp just looking at them)

Roast chicken dinner tonight, then we fight all those whackjob Cajuns heading back to Louisiana on I-10 tomorrow to get him to Keesler. One “What FREAKING OUTSTANDING Parents You ARE!” certificate is in the mail somewhere, I’m sure of it.

Or next time, he gets pork roll.

My Own Porkulous

Inspired by dear Suzette, last night I decided we need to eat Taylor ham, aka Pork Roll, for dinner

Yum yum. Fried in a pan, then stacked artfully on a buttered kaiser roll atop a fried egg and cheese

salty gooey piggy bliss.

(man I hate my camera. argh)

Help Me! I’ve Made A Pah And I Can’t Stop!

After enduring several arched eyebrows from my Bride over my last pah (and a DAMNED TASTY pah it was, too) I decided for safety’s sake to chart a somewhat more conventional course on my next foray into bakerytude. As we are galloping into the throes of Autumnal Decadence my world is awash with apples, tasty sweet apples, and as that kind soul stated

“It’s apple pies that make the menfolk’s mouths water.”

Who was I to say no? So apple it was. Some searching led me to Simply Recipes, a great site for home cooking. Digging further I came upon this recipe for an Apple-Cranberry-Currant Crumble pie which looked pretty yum, and so with some modifications that’s what I made.

The first thing I needed to get going was a 1/4 cup of dried currants. I had to go to the Commie Store to find them, as they are for some reason not a big seller at the Food Town or ShopRong.

One of many pluses to this recipe is that I got to buy booze; specifically I bought a bottle of Laird’s Apple Brandy to soak and re-emplumpify the currants

The Laird’s distillery is just a few miles from the house so I was yet again able to live my new motto of “think globally; gorge locally.”

Anywho, soak those curranty puppies in 1/4 cup of brandy

Now it’s on to them thar apples. I bought about 4 pounds of Granny Smiths, because I wasn’t sure if the 2 1/4 pounds mentioned in the recipe was pre or post cutting. And since it’s been a week and several glasses of wine I still don’t. Oh well.

Coreman!

then slice the ends off, peel them, quater and slice into thinnish…slices and into the measuring receptacle

wash, rinse, repeat until you get your 6 cups.

In a large bowl (and she does say ‘large’ which I really should have listened to) combine the sugar

and 6 tbs flour, nutmeg (I grated fresh) (actually I also grate a lot of people the wrong way but that’s a different story), cinnamon (I used a heaping teaspoon), salt and zest

I tried fresh zest. I have no idea how much I used; I just took an orange and grated the sucker until it begged for mercy.

and using a slotted spoon you take the currants out of their tasty soak and plop them in here as well, saving the soaking brandy juice for later.

Now add the apples and the cranberries and realize that when she said large she meant large mix well

and fling this glorious goop into a pie shell. Now here is when I went some what agley from her recipe. She calls for “a ten inch pie.” I have no idea what that is. What I could find were 9 inch deep dish pie shells in the freezer…and they come in packs of two. And you know what? This recipe does a pretty good job of filling up both of them!

Cool. Sprinkle the reserved currant-sodded brandy on top of the two pahs.

Now it’s on to the crumble. Her recipe seemed rather…blah. Just flour, butter and brown sugar? Don’t get me wrong, those are all wonderful things! But I wanted more cinnamon zing, so I added a full heaping tablespoon of cinnamon to it.

In a medium sized bowl add the brown sugar, the cup of flour, the heaper of cinnamon and the softened cut up stick of butter…and mix mush those babies together with your fingers

and crumble the crumble atop the pahs

and pop those babies into the oven for an hour or so until the centers are bubbling nicely. Take them out to cool

and after a good two hours of cooling they won’t be so nu-cu-lar in the center and you can enjoy

some mighty fine pah.

Gaming The Numbers

Isn’t it funny how we’re seeing this rash of Democrats coming out and talking about how bad the economy is and how gloomy their prospects are for November? And how ‘inside’ sources are starting to talk down job losses?

It’s all a perception game. They realize they’ve totally screwed the Pooch on the economy and that voters are catching on, so they are going out of their way to be as pessimistic as possible…so when the actual craptastic numbers come in they’re better than “expected” so the market goes up.

Disgusting.

Hope For Tomorrow

Every now and then you read a story about some great young kid…and you can’t help but find a little encouragement

MILWAUKEE (AP) — Zach Nash was shocked when he discovered he had one too many golf clubs in his bag a couple hours after winning a junior Wisconsin PGA tournament.

But rules are rules, and the 14-year-old from southern Wisconsin made a decision that might surprise some people: He disqualified himself and surrendered his medal.

Good for him. “A decent, honorable young man he is” says my inner Yoda.

Death With Dynamity

Got a sick whale who’s looking for compassionate care? Don’t send him or her to Australia…they have whale death panels

Australian officials used explosives to blow up a terminally ill humpback whale that became stranded on a beach near Perth two weeks ago.

And let’s not forget those clever Taiwanese, who trick their ill whales into blowing themselves up.

How Do You Say “Pinto”

…in Italian?

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) — Ferrari is recalling its new 458 Italia model after several vehicles were reported to have burst into flames.

…Deliveries of the car in the U.S. began this summer. It has a 4.5-liter 8-cylinder engine, 7-speed automatic transmission, 570 horsepower and has a base price around $230,000.

That would…suck.

MUST…Not JINX…MUST…SOMEhow…Control…

…leg tingles…

…If anything, we have been conservative in estimating the probable GOP House gains, if the election were being held today.”

Weak…weak…I…just…

CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!