Insta’s Best Idea Ever!

This is brilliant:

At any rate, members of Congress who are offended by an unannounced late-night raid on an office might profitably be asked what they think about late-night unannounced raids on private homes, which happen all the time as part of the Congressionally-mandated War on Drugs.
I think if you searched 435 randomly selected American homes, and 435 Congressional offices, you just might find more evidence of crime in the latter. . . .

I want this done! Search them now!

Justify My Ticket Price

So Madonna has herself crucified during her latest tour, “Confessions.” Yawn. My, how bold and daring, taking on those beastly Christians! Why, take care, my dear, because you know what will happen if you anger them! Yes! They might, um, I don’t know…deny you Communion or something…you are so brave! Such an inspiration to women who are fighting christo-facist oppression everywhere, as they drive to work and walk in public unescorted with their heads uncovered and vote and run businesses and govern and…stuff. Unbearable, really. I can’t wait for her next tour, which I’m sure will continue her brave crusade for women as she takes on that other major religion and how it treats women…
And people are paying up to $375 a pop to see…her in various S&M outfits, wielding a riding crop on her dancers.

Network Security And Dopes In The Office

Our friend Dave E takes issue with the InstaMan regarding some aspects of his surfing-from-work stance, and rightly so from DaveE’s security-minded point of view. And I’ve another: idiots at offices who listen to mildly-to-extremely obscene ‘comedy’ site with the speakers turned up. Sound travels too easily in offices, you morons. Use some discretion before you get us all screwed via a lawsuit.

It’s All About You, Isn’t It, Jim?

McGreevey shows yet again how little he cares for his wife and family:

May 22, 2006 — Jim McGreevey shockingly admits that before he became governor of New Jersey, he’d have anonymous gay sex at Garden State highway rest stops.
“All I knew was that my behavior was getting crazier and crazier,” McGreevey says of his torrid truck-stop trysts in an upcoming book that details his tortured life of lies and sexual repression.

It seems he has at least one moment of honesty:

“I knew I would have to lie for the rest of my life – and I knew I was capable of it. The knowledge gave me a feeling of terrible power,” he writes.

But he still can’t resist turning it into a pity-poor-me sleaze fest:

“The closet starves a man, and when he gets a chance he gorges till it sickens him,” he writes in his book, titled “The Confession.”

Puh-lease. Go away you sick little bastard. I pity your wife and two children; they are stuck with a father who is a self-absorbed scumbag. I hope they change their last name and blot you from their lives.

Sobering Numbers On The Illegals

If this is accurate it’s insane:

Roughly 10 percent of Mexico’s population of about 107 million is now living in the United States, estimates show. About 15 percent of Mexico’s labor force is working in the United States. One in every 7 Mexican workers migrates to the United States.

Secure the border.

We Saw “United 93” Last Night

I’m probably still not in any shape to speak coherently about it, but I want to completely encourage any of you who might be unsure to go see it, for a few reasons.
First, it is simply a spectacular movie, one that keeps you completely tied up in knots with the realistic portrayal of the tension and drama. Oh sure, you know how the story ends, but my God: you know how the story ends. The script and acting are both superb and completely realistic; you know that that is exactly how the people may have acted and progressed in their thoughts as that day unfolded. And there’s no swelling music or other such stupid-assed ‘audience cue cards’ (like “dramatic close up on beautiful blonde in seat 23d”) as it develops, either; the score is so non-existant and thereby completely effective that I can’t even recall hearing it, and the actors all look like regular people, you and me, which drives home the point that it could have been any one of us* on that flight, and enhances the glory of what they did.
The second reason I want to encourage you to go see the movie is that I want to reward them for making it. The folks who wrote iit and made it deserve our support for this movie, to encourage Hollywood to make more ovies like this. Let’s face it, money talks, and no matter how much we complain about the piles of crap they put out we vote with the ticket sales.
*Obviously, working in Lower Manhattan I have a lot of emotional memories about September 11th, but I also have a United 93 story: Another close business associate of mine from Brazil was also in town that week, and he was in our office on the 10th and went out to dinner with some of my colleagues that night. The next morning he went to Newark to catch the flight he was booked on to san Francisco: United 93. Except he, much like how I am, got to the airport very early, and United bumped him up to the earlier flight. When the FAA grounded all the flights his was put down in Milwaukee, and he spent four very drunken days there. When he got back to Brazil finally (a week or so later) his company gave him a birthday party, because they told him he’d been born again.
It could have been and it could still be any of us. Will we answer the call and honor their memory?

She’s A Yank-Your-Doodle Dandy

Oh my. I mean…ouch:

The 52-year-old Tioga-Nicetown man, who we are identifying only by his first name of Howard, arrived home late Wednesday, hours after his wife allegedly tore off two parts of his genitalia with her bare hands. Surgeons at Einstein successfully managed to repair the damage.

Is this the fate of the vile non-believers?

The CAG’d kill me…

but I’d love to see them live. To bad ole Layne screwed his life away……
They were always my favs of the grunge bands.

And You Thought The Yellow River Was In China

Yum-yum! Makes me want to go out and buy some Sunny D:

Around 8,000 litres of concentrate used to make the drink leaked into a watercourse on Wednesday morning, turning the river bright yellow.
Dozens of fish were found floating on the surface, poisoned by the lurid mixture.

Bottoms up!

Well, in this case it was their bellies…

Let’s Compare Theocracies

First, here in Chimpy McHitlerstan, the bastards who are responsible for the extinction of the Dodo are suggesting that women get more folic acid. My god, who do they think they are?
Next, in the peace-loving earthly Islamic paradise of Iran, the Parliament has passed a law that

require(s) the country’s Jews and Christians to wear coloured badges to identify them and other religious minorities as non-Muslims.

Let’s give them nuclear technology!
Update: Allahpundit investigates the story, which may be bogus.

Attack Of The Christo-Folic-Fascists

So I get home from choir practice last night (well, to be honest, I got home from having a bluecheese burger and a couple of pints after choir) and I see my bride sitting in the family room with her iBook, reading a site with a look of stunned disbelief. And man, was the Bride a’sputterin’ at what she was reading. You see, the government thought that since something on the order of 50% of all pregancies are ‘surprises,’ (by which I guess they mean people forgot they had sex) and, as Donnah says:

If you remember last year’s March of Dimes TV ad that had a stork dropping by bringing a woman the surprising news of a pregnancy, you know they’re on a campaign to teach women the importance of always having folic acid in their systems. A mother’s having folic acid in her system at the time of her baby’s conception will prevent 50-70% of all neural tube defects. That means life-long and extreme impairments like spina bifida and anencephaly can be prevented with a little spinach salad.
The point the March of Dimes stressed is that because half of all pregnancies are surprises, and because the brain and spinal cord are forming in that large gap of time between when a woman becomes pregnant and when she actually finds out that she’s pregnant, women of childbearing age should have folic acid in their system just in case.
Concurring with them is the CDC, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center, the National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention’s Division of Reproductive Health and the National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities.

It all seems perfectly reasonable, no? This is the sort of thing that government health agencies are supposed to advise, right? Like, maybe possibly preventing some birth defects in a relatively easy fashion might maybe sort of be an okay kind of idea f you are thinking of possibly maybe sort of perhaps getting pregnant?
Welllll, that might have been the case before we became a Theocracy, you see, because now everything is a part of The Agenda Of Karl. Now everything must be viewed through the prism of Insane-O-Matic Twitchometer:

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The Report’s In On My Old Buddy Ward

And it ain’t pretty:

Based on the foregoing, the Committee finds by a preponderance of the evidence that: (a) Professor Churchill has engaged in research misconduct with respect to Allegation A regarding the General Allotment Act of 1887; and (b) that such research misconduct was not and could not have been inadvertent and therefore was deliberate. Specifically, the Committee finds by a preponderance of the evidence that…

And believe me there’s a lot of evidence that ensues.
But in sadly typical fashion, in spite of all the evidence showing his completely fraudulent nature as a ‘scholar,’ they can’t bring themselves to say “fire the bastard.” No, the committee splits and splinters on this and can not resist saying that “the only reason we’re investigating him is because of the bruhaha about his WTC remark. Damn you Bushhitler for attacking free speech. And don’t question our patriotism.” Disgusting. Here’s yet another example where people bloviate about respect and integrity yet refuse to enforce any sort of standards that give such terms any meaning or worth.
(h/t to No Brainer)

Yes, This Is THE Pressing Issue Of The Day

I am so tired of these idiots in Washington:

WASHINGTON (AP) — A Senate committee approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage Thursday, after a shouting match that ended when one Democrat strode out and the Republican chairman bid him “good riddance.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’d much rather the State allow gays to marry and enter into a legal arrangement with eachother, with all the obligations and responsibilities therein, than allow unmarried couples who have made no such binding agreement access to spousal survival benefits, tax breaks, etc.
Yes, it’s so comforting to see these titans of our Republic eloquently debating these matters. Oh golly? We’re at war? Oh golly, our borders have more holes in them than Bonnie and Clyde? Better add a definition of marriage to the Constitution!

Jimmy Durante Reincarnated

“Look for da big ‘W’.”
But he still speaks the same:

Pyow pyow pyow . . . hack hack hack hack! Let’s get out of here (in monkey talk)
…British scientists have discovered that the putty-nosed monkey in Nigeria pictured above sometimes communicates by combining sounds into a sequence that has a different meaning from any of its component calls, an ability that was thought to be uniquely human.

Ah! Memories Of College!

70,000 beer cans found in townhouse.
But geesh, Coors Light?

He’s Ours, Dagnabbit!

Michigan is trying to steal Hoffa from Jersey!

(CNN) — FBI agents and local police were searching a Michigan horse farm Wednesday for the remains of former Teamsters union leader Jimmy Hoffa after receiving a tip about his disappearance, the agency said.
…A federal law enforcement official speaking on condition of anonymity said the search is for Hoffa’s body.

Really? There’s some key information from that brave anonymous tipster.

Hey Murtha

Blow me:

A US lawmaker and former Marine colonel accused US Marines of killing innocent Iraqi civilians after a Marine comrade had been killed by a roadside bomb.
“Our troops overreacted because of the pressure on them and they killed innocent civilians in cold blood,” John Murtha told reporters. The November 19 incident occurred in Haditha, Iraq.

Yeah, you “support the troops” so much you’ll say shit like this before the investigations are finished and put them at further risk. Asshole.
Sorry. We return you now to our normal PG-13 environment.

She’s Slipped Under the Waves

Even keel the whole way until the Gulf flooded the hangar bays. Then her bow shot up and she was gone.

Mexico To File Lawsuits

This is beautiful:

CIUDAD JUAREZ, Mexico – Mexico said Tuesday that it would file lawsuits in U.S. courts if National Guard troops on the border become directly involved in detaining migrants.
…”If there is a real wave of rights abuses, if we see the National Guard starting to directly participate in detaining people … we would immediately start filing lawsuits through our consulates,” Foreign Secretary Luis Ernesto Derbez told a Mexico City radio station. He did not offer further details.

First off, they are not “migrants” they are illegal immigrants who are breaking the law and we damn well will seal up our border. I really hope they do file some of these suits, because that will piss off enough people to maybe kick our government in the butt and get them to build a wall. This is pushing me over the edge. Seal the border and force the corrupt bastards in Mexico to deal with their horrendous internal problems instead of having everyone of us subsidising them.
And hopefully in the next few elections we can start dealing with the corrupt bastards on both sides of the aisle in DC.

Mexican officials worry the crackdown will lead to more deaths. Since Washington toughened security in Texas and California in 1994, migrants have flooded Arizona’s hard-to-patrol desert and deaths have spiked. Migrant groups estimate 500 people died trying to cross the border in 2005. The Border Patrol reported 473 deaths in the fiscal year ending Sept. 30.

You know, if they are so ‘worried’ about deaths maybe they should improve their own country so the people aren’t fleeing it like a bunch of rats.
I want no ‘guest worker’ plan at all. Seal the border NOW. Go through the illegals that are here, deport any that have committed crimes here, and make the rest pay taxes and work under a microscope and learning English for, say, 10 years; any problems and they get booted, no problems and they can become citizens. No ‘amnesty’ and no future illegals.

The Europeans Are Brilliant

Their incredibly clever plan to stop the Iranians from developing nukes…is to give them a working reactor!

Key European nations are considering offering Iran a light-water nuclear reactor as part of incentives meant to persuade Tehran to give up its uranium enrichment program, a senior diplomat said Tuesday.

I’m sure that will stop all Iranian efforts. Heck, a blow like that will set their program ahead 10 years…
What complete a$$hats.

Now, Thash the Ticket!! ::hic::

The still – standard equipment of any moonshiner – has a shot at becoming the must-have accessory of penny-pinching motorists.
An upstart Tennessee business is marketing stills that can be set up as private distilleries making ethanol – 190 proof grain alcohol – out of fermented starchy crops such as corn, apples or sugar cane. The company claims the still’s output can reduce fuel costs by nearly a third from the pump price of gasoline.

I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, A-rab Venshwellins cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.

I’ve Just Seen A Face, I Can’t Forget

Her visage my desire did whet:

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (Reuters) — Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah, under pressure from Islamists to curb reforms, has warned local media against showing pictures of Saudi women, local newspapers reported on Tuesday….
Newspapers have broken with tradition and have more frequently begun printing photographs of Saudi women beside stories, usually with hair covered but faces showing, which many Wahhabi Islamists consider morally wrong.
They have also printed debate about other issues concerning women, such as whether bans on women driving and working in some retail stores could be reversed, issues which have raised the ire of many religious conservatives.
“There are photographs published in some newspapers … and one needs to think if he would want his daughter, sister or wife to appear like that. Of course, no one would,” the king was quoted as saying at a meeting with newspaper editors late on Monday.
“Young people are driven by emotion and the spirit, but the spirit can go astray. So I ask you to go easy on these things.”

Yes, we can’t have any photos of women’s faces driving those good Saudi boys wild with insane lust, now can we?

She’s Out in the Open Gulf Waters, Now

Clear of Pensacola Pass and moving under crystal blue skies, with fair winds and following seas.

As it should be. A fitting day for a valiant lady’s last sea voyage.

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Amazing Accuracy

Get Your Drunk Personality at!

This Sounds Like A Monty Python Skit

Sometimes life is just too weird:

A transsexual whose 17-year marriage to an heiress was nullified when the wife discovered her husband was a woman is not legally a “parent” of her 14-year-old daughter born from donor sperm, the Court of Appeal ruled today.
The female-to-male transsexual, referred to in court as Mr J, is now in law a man under the 2004 Gender Recognition Act and can lawfully marry a woman if he wishes.
But three appeal judges held that, because at the time of his “marriage” to Mrs C in 1977 he was still a woman, he had no parental rights.

17 years of marriage. Then she discovers he is, er, a her? Somehow I think she (the Party of the 1st Part) is a few sandwiches short of a picnic, no? And upon further review maybe ‘Party of the 1st Part’ is not the best phrase either:

Mr J, born with gender dysmorphia, underwent hormone treatment and had breasts removed before, at the age of 30, he met and married Mrs C, then aged 20 and from a wealthy background.
He concealed his true gender from her for 17 years, using a home-made part of the anatomy for sex. At a Court of Appeal hearing in 1996, Mr J failed in a bid for a share of the marriage wealth, including a £400,000 home.

I really don’t want to know.
Well, ok, I do just a little, I admit it. What is up with this?

At that hearing, Lord Justice Ward described the marriage as a “travesty” and said that many people would find it quite astonishing that in 17 years of life together Mrs C did not realise she was living with a woman.

Gee, ya’ think?

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