Plastic Lettuce!

Now if I can just find some plastic bread I can make a sandwich…

Iraqalypse Now

Via Tim Blair we hear that the Swift Boats will sail again!

NORFOLK, Va. — A riverboat squadron departed Thursday for Iraq, the first deployment of Navy swift boats to a war zone since Vietnam.
About 100 members of the Riverine Squadron 1 will integrate with Marines patrolling the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, eventually replacing the Marine force. They will patrol those waters to combat terrorist operations.

The ‘new’ Swifts are pretty cool. Hell, when they plane out at speed they have less of a draft than Chuck Rangel.
Question of the day is which of their officers will be “reporting for duty” in 2036?

Snoop Dog Working For ‘The Man’

I’m serious, yo!

Lucky and Flo, Malaysia’s latest weapons in tackling rampant music and movie piracy, started work at the country’s biggest international airport Tuesday, sniffing out shipments for fake optical discs.
The two black Labradors are on loan for a month from the Motion Picture Association of America, which says its members — including top Hollywood studios Paramount Pictures, Warner Bros, 20th Century Fox and Universal — lost $1.2 billion to Asia-Pacific movie pirates in 2006.
It is the first time dogs have been used by authorities anywhere around the world to detect contraband discs, said Mike Ellis, regional director for the MPAA.
It took around nine months and $17,000 to train the dogs to detect polycarbonates, chemicals used in the disc manufacturing process, he added.
Although the dogs cannot tell the difference between real and pirated discs, they can detect if DVDs are hidden among shipments signed off as a consignment of something else.

BeauBeau’d be like…

“Argh, evil doer! Tried to sneak pirates and DVDs by me, did ya? Think you’d….OOOO! COOKIE!“

They need to have back-up Scotties as enforcers. Notice how, in this documentary film still, they work as a team ~ driving and then surrounding their prey…

…before they finish it off. They’re like little raptors.

Sweet Baby Jesus

…along with all the gods and little fishes ~ this beats “Twinkie defense” all to hell.

Jury considers death for child-killer Couey
Defense argues man who buried alive 9-year-old has ‘mind of a child’
…“John Couey sits here today a 48-year-old man with the mind of a child,” defense lawyer Alan Fanter said. “A lot of things happened in Mr. Couey’s life, and to Mr. Couey, that he had no control over.”

Couey also was born prematurely and suffered from a birth defect of “floppy ears” that caused him to be bullied and teased in school, Fanter said.

So the defense is “when bad ears happen to bad people, it’s not their fault if things go…badder?”

How Do You Say “Irony” In Farsi?

This from the people who destroy ancient relics and sites because they have statues

An Iranian official on Sunday lashed out at the Hollywood movie “300” for insulting the Persian civilization, local Fars News Agency reported.
Javad Shamqadri, an art advisor to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, accused the new movie of being “part of a comprehensive U.S. psychological war aimed at Iranian culture”, said the report.

Retard. The ancient Persians were a highly advanced culture for their day. You guys are stuck in the 8th century.

Shamqadri was quoted as saying “following the Islamic Revolution in Iran, Hollywood and cultural authorities in the U.S. initiated studies to figure out how to attack Iranian culture,” adding “certainly, the recent movie is a product of such studies.”
The movie’s effort wound be fruitless, because “values in Iranian culture and the Islamic Revolution are too strongly seated to be damaged by such plans”, said the Iranin official.

Oops, gotta throw in the remark about those schemin’ Joos. Their plans are coming to fruition but now you’ve figured it out! Oh No!
Retard.

Ya Don’t Say

Not having me a edjacation commeshurate with HAHvahd’s stratosphere, I think I just spotted me a whopper anyways.


Let me see if I can spell ‘M…S….uh…N…B…(don’t rush me, dammit!!!)…C’ right.

Sorry, Drudge

I’d hardly characterize this as “NYT Plans Hit on Gore”. It’s more like a poke in the side with a dull thermometer.

From a Rapt Audience, a Call to Cool the Hype
Hollywood has a thing for Al Gore and his three-alarm film on global warming, “An Inconvenient Truth,” which won an Academy Award for best documentary. So do many environmentalists, who praise him as a visionary, and many scientists, who laud him for raising public awareness of climate change.
But part of his scientific audience is uneasy. In talks, articles and blog entries that have appeared since his film and accompanying book came out last year, these scientists argue that some of Mr. Gore’s central points are exaggerated and erroneous. They are alarmed, some say, at what they call his alarmism.
“I don’t want to pick on Al Gore,” Don J. Easterbrook, an emeritus professor of geology at Western Washington University, told hundreds of experts at the annual meeting of the Geological Society of America. “But there are a lot of inaccuracies in the statements we are seeing, and we have to temper that with real data.”

And I count one “he got it right/has enormous credibility” for every “what a weasel”.

Family Friendly Mouse in the Happiest Place on Earth

…or money grubbing, manipulative, run-you-down-like-a-juggarnaut rat defending it’s magic kingdom?

Disneyland Sues to Stop Condo Plan
The Happiest Place on Earth doesn’t want any new neighbors.
The Walt Disney Co. has sued the city of Anaheim to stop the proposed construction of 1,500 condos, including several hundred low-income units, at the doorstep of Disneyland.
Housing advocates say the units are desperately needed to accommodate workers who are essential to the city’s huge tourism industry but can’t afford to live there. Many workers spend at least four hours a day commuting from outlying areas where rent is cheaper.
“We helped to build this resort, but now they’re saying we can’t live here,” said Lori Condinus, a hotel switchboard operator who lives 60 miles away. “Disneyland is supposed to be the family friendly place, but they’re not helping families make it.”
Disneyland and other tourism-oriented businesses say that housing will drive away visitors from the park — which pumps an estimated $3.6 billion into Southern California’s economy each year — and open the way for the return of the cheap motels, neon signs and scraggly landscaping that marked the area in the early days of Disneyland.

I’ve always been in the ‘rat’ camp, but then I’m prejudiced.

In Pig Latin in the Comments Below, Bingley Notes

…It’s much like classical/mythological greece: you name determines your destiny.

We all know what Vader told Luke about his ‘destiny‘, so I decided I’d see what Bingley had in store. From the Greek:

bingle [bIngl]
???. ????? ???????? “???-???????” # ?????. (??? ?????????:) ??????? ?????

Being a bit rusty Rosetta Stone-wise (and weary from collating scribbles memorized whilst watching a Dead Sea Scroll special last night ~ who says I’m dull?), I went for the English translation of ‘bingle‘, since the word doesn’t appear naturally in our native tongue. Not an accident or oversight, I’m assuming.

bingle
A noun
1 base hit, safety, bingle
(baseball) the successful act of striking a baseball in such a way that the batter reaches base safely

From this I guess we infer Bingley will always reach base safely, but the question of ‘advancement‘ is up in the air and entirely reliant upon the good will/hard work of others. Amazingly enough, his modus operandi to a ‘T’.
Considering that the closest English equivalent to ‘bingley’ is ‘BUNGLE’, I suggest we not dwell on depressing destiny and just give my sweet brother the signal to “swing away!”

And be prepared to duck.

Things Are Rumbling Again

…in a place no one’s given much thought to in quite some time.

N Ireland ‘wants return to power-sharing’
Voters have sent a clear message that they want parties on both sides of Northern Ireland’s political divide to unite to restore self-government to the province, Tony Blair, the prime minister, and Bertie Ahern, his Irish counterpart, said yesterday.
In a joint statement clearly aimed at the Democratic Unionists, the biggest party after Wednesday’s election, the two prime ministers said “all must now take responsibility in government for building and consolidating peace”.
They said: “Restoration of the devolved institutions represents an opportunity of historic proportions. It must not be missed.”
But the DUP, which is led by Ian Paisley, the Protestant preacher-politician, has yet to commit itself to sharing power with Sinn Féin, the political wing of the IRA and the largest party among Catholic voters.
The British government has warned Ulster’s parties that unless they agree to form a new power-sharing executive by March 26, the Northern Ireland Assembly will be shut down and the province run by London and Dublin.
Peter Hain, the Northern Ireland secretary, insisted after meeting a delegation from the DUP that there was “no discretion” in the March 26 deadline.
But the DUP is insisting that Sinn Féin now clearly sets out its support for the police and courts. The party also wants the British government to provide a special financial package before it will agree to participate in the devolved institutions, which were suspended in 2002 amid police allegations of IRA subversive activities.
With all of the 108 seats declared last night, the DUP had 36 seats, Sinn Féin 28, the Ulster Unionists 18, the moderate nationalist Social Democratic and Labour Party 16, the cross-community Alliance seven and one each for the Greens, the Progressive Unionists and an independent.

Our buddy Pete Baker posts at Slugger O’Toole, where the comments themselves are illuminating.

Quote of the Day

Sir John Mortimer, author of the “Rumpole of the Bailey” series (and the “Tea With Mussolini” screenplay, among others), answers a meme question in Sunday’s NYT magazine.

…Three little pigs: We acquired the pigs last year. My wife was born on a pig farm and has always been very fond of pigs. Of course, they are for eating, which is why they are named Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. You wouldn’t want to eat Rufus, Marcus and Esmeralda.

Most assuredly not.

Something’s Not Kosher At The Israeli Embassy

I thought Moses led his People out of bondage:

Israel is replacing its ambassador in El Salvador after the envoy was found outside the embassy, drunk, wearing only bondage gear, officials said.
“Our ambassador has been recalled immediately,” a foreign ministry official told AFP news agency.
…Haaretz website reports that police found Mr Refael in the Israeli embassy compound two weeks ago.
He was inebriated, his hands were tied and he was gagged with a rubber ball in his mouth.
In spite of his drunken state, the naked figure was reportedly able to identify himself by his full name and job title.
In 2006, Israel’s diplomatic service was criticised by the public watchdog for its appointments system.
The state comptroller’s report singled out the foreign ministry appointments committee for its inadequate examination of candidates and lack of transparency.

Seems someone was getting a little too much examination…

You Gotta Have Faith

Shocking news from Australia

A LEADING Muslim cleric has blamed the devastating drought, climate change and pollution on Australians’ lack of faith in Allah.

He never heard of Allah Gore?

“The Whole Thing Stinks”

If you’ve got an hour, this is a worthy use of it ~ the Channel 4 “Great Global Warming Swindle” documentary.

I doubt you’ll see it on Discovery-Times Channel anytime soon. Or anywhere else, for that matter.
If you want a bigger screen version, click through the Google video icon on the lower right hand of the wee screen.
Swill Salute to LGF.

Coq Au Can

Faithful readers will recall the last time I posted on cooking Beer Can Chicken. Well, it’s the weekend, and I need to drinkcook so I decided to see how far I can modify this technique. So tonight we’re having the classic dish Coq au Vin except I’m cooking it on a can on the grill.
I hope.
Anyhow, as a delightful prelude let’s set some butter out to soften.

And then I’m off to Daughter’s basketball game while it room temperaturizes.

Read more »

While There Were No Bloody Slabs of Bingley Style Beef

…draining on the countertop, we WERE settling in for a delightful dinner of Jamaican jerk pork loin chops, black beans and rice, a major dad avocado/heirloom tomato/Maytag blue cheese stack…

…and delightful quaff, when WHAT should come ringy-dinging at the front door…?
None other than the Squid Terrorist with his latest public service message.

You’ll notice the environmentally friendly aspect of it ~ a freestanding pedestal base, vice using a nasty spike through the miscreant’s front lawn. Or duct taping it to his Suburban.
Ever the gentleman, our neighbor is (sometime before Daylight Savings kicks in) going to make the stop-sign ignoring criminal rue the day that flamingos became too expensive to flambé.

Scene In NY

These two games caught my eye yesterday in a window on lower Broadway

Passover Slides and Ladders
and

Kosherland.
hehe. I love this stuff!
I wonder if Kosherland has a Goyim Sea?

Don’t Forget That ‘Spring’ in Your Step

…OR in the setting on your time pieces this weekend.

More Stench In The Garden State

Gov. Corzine’s $470,000 ‘gift’ to his ex-girlfriend just never seems to go away. Now it seems that Carla Katz, who is paid $102,000 a year as head of the Communications Workers of America Local 1034, is fulfilling some long awaited plans for the house. Good for her; I just had some work done on my house too. She is a much better organizer than I could ever hope to be, however, for on her income she’s able to fund a $550,000 ‘renovation’ project:

Katz…began the long-planned renovation of the house in January. It includes a 3,200 square foot addition, a swimming pool and spa and a new septic system.

Her addition is twice the size of my whole house. The septic system is a nice touch, I thought. Maybe it has a marble-lined tank; come to think of it, it’s more likely Teflon, given how none of the shit ever seems to stick to her or Corzine.
She must be using Hillary’s broker too because on her modest salary, in addition to funding this little half-million dollar bit of handyman work about the house

A month earlier, state and county records show, Katz paid $1.1 million for a condominium in the same Hoboken building where Corzine lives. There was no record of a mortgage or a loan for either property, and Katz has refused to discuss the source of the money or anything about her personal finances.

Nice, huh?
Oh, and what’s the most delicious part of this?

Katz, president of the largest local representing state employees, is currently in the midst of a major expansion and renovation of the house in Alexandria Township — with nonunion labor.
The general contractor Katz hired for the job said yesterday he does not usually employ union workers, nor does his contract with Katz require that he do so.
“If she had wanted me to, sure, I would have. I’ve got no problem with that,” Dorsey Reading, the contractor from Erwinna, Pa., said.
Katz said Reading was mistaken: “Of course I asked for the renovations to be made with union labor and the contractor has assured me that he’s made all efforts to do so,” she said in an e-mailed response to a phone message.
Katz declined to provide a copy of the contract showing the stipulation that union labor be used on the $550,000 project. She would not answer questions by phone.
The contractor later called back and said that upon further reflection he remembered Katz had asked him to use union workers: “I forgot we had talked about that at the beginning of the whole thing, months ago,” Reading said. But, he added, because it was not a large project it was difficult to find union workers, and he has not hired any for the job.

Hehehe, I wonder what ‘jogged’ his memory…
As always, Enlighten NJ has more information on “NOLA on the Delaware”.

CNBC’s Market Watch

…notes something you don’t see everywhere.

…Further underscoring the improved tone was the market’s resilience in the face of weak February same-store sales. According to RetailMetrics, nearly two-thirds of retailers missed forecasts while the International Council of Shopping Centers-UBS sales tally rose a modest 2.4%, the smallest gain since last March and below the projected range of 2.5-3.0%. The coldest February since 1979 sidelined shoppers searching for spring fashions.

How inconvenient.

It Was A Cruel Winter At Chateau Bingley

We lost a couple of the fledgling vines

to both the really hot/really cold Goreian stress of this schizophrenic season

and the brawny Gaian blusteries that swept across our littoral abode.

Hopefully the precious few that remain will blossom anew…

Fucking Sick Little Weasel

Couey guilty in Lunsford murder case
Drifter convicted in kidnap, rape and suffocation of 9-year-old Fla. girl
…Her body was found in a shallow hole, encased in two black plastic trash bags. She had suffocated, and was found clutching a purple stuffed dolphin.
The jury next must decide to recommend whether Couey, 48, should be sentenced to death.
…The medical examiner, Dr. Steven Cogswell, testified during the trial that he found injuries consistent with sexual assault. He concluded the little girl suffocated after being buried alive, and said that she had managed to poke two fingers through the plastic bags before she died.

I think we can get all the bastard’s body parts into one bag and save the state some money.
Of course, he doesn’t get to wiggle his fingers either.
Makes it more like ‘justice’ that way.

NASA Whacks Nowak

No surprise here, but you have to love the weaselly bureaucratic gobbledygook

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) — An astronaut charged with trying to kidnap a woman she allegedly believed was a romantic rival was fired by NASA on Wednesday, a month after she was arrested in Florida.
NASA officials said Lisa Nowak’s dismissal did not reflect on the space agency’s belief in her guilt or innocence. The agency said it lacked an administrative system to handle the allegations.
“Because Nowak is a naval officer on assignment to NASA, rather than a NASA civil servant, she is not subject to administrative action by NASA,” agency officials said in a statement.

I love that. “We don’t have the administrative system to handle the allegations”. Nothing about “we really don’t want some nut job riding horse on our trillion dollar toys”. If “[her] dismissal did not reflect on the space agency’s belief in her guilt or innocence”, then may I ask what it does reflect on?

File This Under “What???”

I’m told those magnetic wrist bracelets help arthritis, but as for this…

What the heck was this guy up to and why did he think that flying on a plane with an electronic device stuffed up his rectum was acceptable?

An Iraqi immigrant with a suspicious device stuffed into a body cavity was detained at Los Angeles International Airport on Tuesday and a Philadelphia-bound jetliner was diverted to Las Vegas because his luggage was aboard, authorities said.
The device and the luggage were cleared by bomb squads in Los Angeles and Las Vegas.
“There never was a threat,” said Larry Fetters, security director at Los Angeles International Airport for the federal Transportation Security Administration.
Fadhel Al-Maliki, 35, of Atlantic City, N.J., was held for a mental evaluation and for a possible immigration violation, federal officials said.

“Held for a mental evaluation”. Ya think?
And I wonder how they decided which member of the bomb squad had to “clear the device”. Blech. And like lawhawk asks: “If the individual was stopped and prevented from flying, why were his bags allowed to continue on with the flight?”
TSA is an expensive joke at times.
And what would a non suspicious device stuffed into a body cavity be?

Soliciting Advice

…from those in the know. Help! Help! Ebola has a shot at 2 months rent free in Houston to look for employment. What should someone new to the burg know about it? Things to watch out for, hot industries, etc., if you don’t mind sharing. I, of course, am losing my mommy mind that our baby is going to be 400+ miles away, but I’ll get over it and Lord knows there’s nothing in humble Bangla-cola. Feel free to email me if you’re more comfortable with that. We can use all the advice we can get. Thanks!